


Eremin One-shot Book

by cardboardbox



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Smut, idk it’s a mix of everything, these are dumb but i hope you like them anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-06-26 17:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 72,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19773295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardboardbox/pseuds/cardboardbox
Summary: Just a collection of weird one-shots about eremin





	1. Tickling

Armin was reading what might've been one of the most boring books he'd ever read in his life. It was just badly written, made no sense, and the plot was weird and not in the good way. He didn't remember why he had chosen the book in the first place. He sighed gently as he leaned against the tall oak outside of the training barracks. Everyone needed another world to escape to in case the hell they lived in ever became too much. And even though Armin's world was apparently a very bad romantic comedy about a cheerleader and a jock, he'd take it as it was.

The blond let out a yelp when he felt familiar hands digging into his sides. He jumped to his feet, nearly falling on his face and turned to confront the assailant. "Eren, don't scare me like that!" he cried but the brunet just laughed, rising to his feet. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. You seemed bored so I wanted to say hi."

"Well I don't think anyone will appreciate that if you say it like this," the blond said, rubbing his sides subconsciously. Eren walked over to Armin and took his hand. "I'm sorry,"

Armin noticed that he seemed to blush when dealing with Eren and proximity. Not that it was entirely new, he'd always known that the way he felt about his best friend wasn't something usual best friends felt. But it was taking a bit more effort to hide it nowadays.

He suddenly got an idea and gave a tiny smirk that Eren seemed unsure if he noticed. Armin reached out, tickling Eren's sides mercilessly. The boy erupted into laughter, falling to the ground in his struggle to escape. And Armin followed immediately after, straddling him as he continued his assault. "A-Armin!" he cried, trying to catch his breath between hysterical giggles. "Pl-please st-top!" he pleaded. The blond just giggled. "Nope. You said hi to me, so I'm saying hi back."

"You seem t-to be r-really ha-happy to see m-me," he attempted, his chest constricting with his uncontrolled laughter. Armin smirked and let himself fall into a moment of silent fondness for Eren and his smile, his laugh, his eyes. A gentle smile settled on his features and his mind became slightly fuzzy.

He hadn't even noticed Eren's smirk before he was suddenly pushed back onto the ground and the brunet's legs were on either side of his hips. At first, Armin blushed, a bit lost in his previous thoughts and a little confused as to why they were in this position, though not necessarily displeased. But then Eren's fingers were ghosting his sides and laughter was bubbling from his mouth. "E-Eren!" he cried, squirming under his merciless touch. "St-stop!"

"Nah, I don't think so."

He even kicked it up a notch and Armin suddenly couldn't breathe. "E-ERE — HAHAHA — STO — NO — ST-STOP!" he begged, tears in his eyes from laughing so much. Eren decided to have mercy on him and stopped his actions, holding himself up with his arms. It took Armin a while to fully catch his breath and when he was panting softly, he finally met Eren's eyes. He gave him a playful glare and his friend did the same. They stared for a while until the blond giggled and stopped the contact. Eren's gaze softened.

He was now staring at Armin as if he was the most beautiful flower in the entire world. Like he had finally reached the ocean. His fingers weaved into the halo of hair surrounding the boy's head, his eyes distracted and full of something he couldn't quite place. Armin made no mean to move neither did he say anything. He just watched Eren's face and the boy played with his soft hair. He looked back into his blue eyes and the boy offered a small smile. Eren paused and all was still in the world. The titans didn't matter, training didn't matter. All that was was this moment right now, no one and nothing else existed. Then the world rushed back to them as fast as it had disappeared and Eren had crashed their lips together and Armin couldn't breathe. A heavy blush settled over his cheeks and his eyes fluttered shut as he returned the kiss with just as much force. It was rather short and mild, but it meant so much more than that. It was a kiss that spoke the unspoken words between them. The words both of them wanted so much to say. Three magical words that could turn their friendship into something much, much more.


	2. These Straps Are Overcomplicated

This was ridiculous. Absolutely 100% ridiculous. Armin had no idea why they even needed straps in the first place. I mean it was a great harness for holding up 3D Maneuvering Gear, but when it didn't do that, what was the point? Even though Armin had been putting on and taking off the straps regularly for awhile now, he never quite mastered efficiency. He would always put a strap in the wrong buckle or manage to get himself tangled, like he had now. So now the blonde was standing alone, being the last one to finish, wrapped up in straps feeling frustrated. He just didn't know where all the stupid things attached and he huffed, looking down at himself. His harness was a twisted mess. Armin heard a soft chuckle and he recognised the laugh right away. He'd recognise it anywhere. "E-Eren," he said simply. The boy just stared at him with green eyes, a soft smile on his lips. "Having a little trouble?" he teased and Armin just flushed in embarrassment, turning away. Armin heard Eren shuffle and when he looked up, the brunet was in front of him, his hands reaching for his waist. Armin felt his cheeks darken as Eren unhinged one of the buckles and attached it in the correct place. His fingers moved agilely over the various straps as if he had done this a million times. He grabbed Armin's shoulder making the blond bite his lip at how gentle he was being. Eren turned him around, his hands moving on the back of the harness. Armin blushed at their close proximity and swallowed thickly. Why was he getting so worked up over this? He had always known he'd had feelings for his best friend, but he'd always been able to hide his blush or repress his urge to press his lips to Eren's. But the fact that the boy holding his heart was so close to him, the heat of his touch lingering on his skin through the fabric, was making Armin lose his cool. Eren adjusted the leather around the blond's waist before turning him around again, taking hold of the strap across his chest. Armin felt Eren's breath tickle his skin and his breath hitched. He glanced at Eren, but the brunet was focused on his task. He gave it one more tug and secured it. He lifted his gaze to meet Armin's and he felt his heart thundering in his chest. The blond couldn't help letting his eyes fall to the boy's lips as a blush overwhelmed his face. He saw Eren quickly lick his lips. "Armin...," he said softly. The name just hung in the air, becoming the only thing separating them. He looked up into sea-green eyes and his heart leaped when he saw them glance to his mouth. Eren began to lean forwards but stopped with a few centimetres between them. He looked at him as if he was silently asking for permission and Armin smiled softly before gently taking Eren's lips with his own. The first kiss was short, soft, almost unsure. It must've lasted only a few seconds, but when they pulled away, Armin was addicted. He hurriedly brought their lips back together and worded a mental apology to the brunet at the abrupt force. But Eren didn't seem to mind, even smiling a little into the kiss. The pressure was confident, their lips certain, their hands wandering. Armin shakily raised his arms to wrap around Eren's neck, pulling them flush against each other. He wanted—no, he needed this. He let a whimper escape his lips as Eren ran his tongue along the seam of his mouth and the sound gave Eren entrance. He gently pushed his tongue into Armin's mouth, meeting his own and both boys let out a sound at the touch. Their breath came out in hurried pants as the kiss grew more and more desperate. Soon they were kissing like tomorrow would never come, like they would die the second they pulled away. But, thankfully, that was not what happened. Eren just leaned his forehead against Armin's, his fingers gently running through blonde hair, ghosting his jaw ever so slightly. Armin smiled quickly and breathed, "Maybe I should let you help me with my straps more often."

He saw Eren smirk and lick his lips, ocean eyes following his tongue as it moved. "Maybe you should."


	3. No Sudden Moves

Eren swung easily between trees with his 3D Maneuvering Gear, his swords at his sides. Occasionally, he would pretend a limb or branch was a Titan and practice his slicing technique. There was really no reason for him to be training, but there wasn't a reason not to. If he practiced, he'd get better, and the better he was, the more titans he could kill. As Eren zoomed through the canopy he began to let his mind wander. He thought of Mikasa and how talented she was as a soldier. He thought of Jean's ugly horse-face and how he constantly felt the need to one-up him. But then his thoughts landed on someone else. Someone who had been there a lot recently. His heart began to beat faster as he thought of ocean blue eyes and soft blond hair. He felt his chest begin to tighten and his blush light his face on fire. It had been fairly obvious to him what this feeling was. He may not have been too smart about most of the world but when it came to feelings, Eren always knew what he was dealing with. He was good at reading people and especially good at reading himself. But this came as a bit of a shock. Of course there was nothing wrong with it, Eren just never expected it to be...him. He was amazing in every way and perfect and Eren was undoubtedly smitten. But the feelings he'd recognised for the past few months were new and, honestly, kind of terrifying. He'd never felt this strongly about anyone and especially not a guy. "Eren!" someone cried in distress and the boy looked up to see said object of his affections hurtling towards him at full speed. He tried to turn to avoid hitting the blond, but it was too late. Their wires got snagged and wrapped around each other, sending them flying towards one another in a tangle of metal. Eren somehow ended up having his face smashed into the boy's crotch. He heard the small squeak the blond let out. "E-Eren! I'm so s-sorry!"

"It's a-alright Armin."

Eren gulped, hoping his stutter hadn't been too obvious. His cheeks were on fire and he wasn't sure if he liked the position they were in or not. "Just—no sudden moves okay?"

"O-Okay," Armin said quietly. Eren tried to pull his arm out from behind his back, but his wrists were trapped in the wires. "Armin can you manage to get your hands loose?" he asked, raising his head a bit so his voice wasn't muffled. He felt the boy move and in a few seconds he began to say he had done it before the wires that had bound his hands loosened. Eren was sent swinging while Armin fell a few inches towards the ground before being caught by a different wire. Eren tried to flip himself around and had managed to mostly right himself before he was sent toppling towards Armin again. This time, they collided face-to-face, the extra wire that was attached to Eren whipping around them. Eren blushed as he stared into ocean blue eyes. Their noses were touching they were so close. And if he didn't know any better, he would've sworn he saw Armin blush too. Eren took a second to focus on his best friend. He could feel Armin's breath on his mouth and the mere thought sent his heart hammering again. He could practically taste Armin's lips and he nervously bit his own, hoping the temptation would go away. The blond let out a small sigh, his gaze seeming to fall to Eren's nose before catching himself and looking back up. Eren's heart leaped at that. "Um . . . ,"

"I . . . ," the brunet said, hoping to fill in for him. But there were just no words to say. He was lost in Armin's eyes. The ones that were so full of life when he talked of the outside world, the ones that reminded him of the ocean. There was something about them that was just so Armin. It gave him hope when there was none. One look into those eyes and Eren felt like he could do anything.

And it was those eyes that had Eren leaning forward and pressing his lips against his friend's. Suddenly, reality rushed back to him and he pulled away hurriedly. He looked at Armin in fear, terrified of what he had just done. But he was incredibly relieved and ecstatic when the blond gave a small grin, his eyes half-lidded before connecting their lips again. Eren's heart swelled and he kissed him back, letting himself get lost in the feeling of Armin's mouth against his. When they finally pulled away, they stared at each other for awhile before the blond spoke up. "Sorry to ruin the moment, but we should probably get out of these," he said, twisting slightly in the tangle of wires. "Oh, right."


	4. Magic Pocky

"Armin, I'm a genius," was Eren's statement as he burst through the door to their dorm. The blond sighed and put down the book he had been reading. "Don't tell me you've thought of _another_ prank for Jean. Seriously, you guys are so competitive, this war will never end."

"No, not that," Eren said with a bit of a smile. "But I do still have to think of some way to get him back for the whole hair dye incident. And you better believe it'll be magnificent."

Armin just crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow mockingly at his friend. "Oh you mean like last time?"

"That was entirely Marco's fault! Anyways, that's not the point," he said, sitting next to Armin on the couch. "So you didn't come to discuss plans to ruin Jean's reputation?"

"No, I came with a solution to another boring Sunday."

He held up a box and when Armin looked, he immediately recognized it. "Pocky? I'm sorry, but I don't think it's **_that_** magical, Eren."

"It's not the pocky that'll fix our boredom—"

"You mean your boredom,"

"Shut up, this is important," he said, but Armin could hear the laughter in his voice. They were just like that. "It's what we're gonna do with it that's the fun part."

Armin gave Eren a questioning look. He felt a twist of nervousness course through his body but replied coolly, "What are we gonna do with it?"

Eren smirked before opening the box and taking out a piece of pocky. "Ever heard of the pocky game?" the brunette asked and Armin shook his head. "No. Explain."

"Well, one person puts one end of the pocky in their mouth and the other puts the other end in their mouth. They both start eating the stick and the first one to pull away is the loser. Wanna play?"

"To be honest, not really."

"Great, come here."

Armin sighed, but actually he was kind of excited. This was definitely adding interest to his Sunday, however odd it was. "Do you want the chocolate end or the biscuit end?" Eren asked with a serious face. Armin giggled. "Doesn't matter."

Eren let him have the chocolate side and he gently placed the pocky between his lips. He had never noticed how incredibly short pocky sticks were until Eren was in front of him, holding his end in his mouth. "Ready?" the brunette asked around the stick. Armin gave a small nod and they began to nibble. The blond went slow at first before suddenly rushing forward and capturing most of it. Eren pulled away in shock and Armin happily ate the rest of the pocky. "You cheated."

"No I didn't, there were no rules about speed."

Eren pulled another stick from the box and placed it between them. They began again, both going slower this time. Armin's heart began to race as more of the stick disappeared. Eren hadn't pulled away yet. In fact, he was getting even closer, taking bigger portions and suddenly Armin had to blush and pull away. The brunet let out a cheer of victory, taking out another. "Tiebreaker," he said. The blond nodded, his mind still fuzzy from the last one. He took the end between his teeth and Eren did the same, ocean eyes locking with emerald. He got lost for a moment, floating somewhere in Eren's eyes before he realized they had begun. He was going much slower now, taking larger bites with pauses in between. It was like a game of chicken, each boy silently daring the next to go even closer than he just had. Three inches, two — Armin felt his face beginning to burn. Their noses touched and they met each other's gaze again. Armin could make out the faint blush dusting Eren's cheeks and suppressed the butterflies in his stomach. Eren took a small bite closer. Armin knew he had to reciprocate and, after a moment of hesitation, inched a bit closer. Their lips were separated by a mere centimeter now. Armin could feel Eren's warm breath against his mouth and all he could hear was his own heartbeat pounding ferociously in his ears. It was Eren's turn. Armin had reduced the space and now it was his turn.

Warm lips pressed gently against Armin's. To the blond, this was both expected but also entirely shocking. He knew there was a possibility Eren would kiss him, but didn't think he actually would. They swallowed the rest of the pocky and Eren readjusted so their mouths pressed together more firmly. Armin brought his hands up to shakily tangle in Eren's hair, pulling him closer. He almost whimpered at the new pressure, but managed to keep it at bay. But then Eren was running his tongue along the seam of his mouth and Armin was gasping, giving him entrance. Their tongues met and electricity shot through Armin's body. The kiss was passionate and sweet with a hint of need that kept growing. Moans slipped from both of them as they explored each other's mouths as much as they could, seemingly trying to memorize every detail with a touch. Eren's hands were running up and down his back, sometimes settling over his hips and the blond shuddered pleasurably. But then Armin became aware of the fact that his lungs felt like they were on fire and the same thing seemed to be happening for Eren as they both pulled away from the kiss. They stared at each other, limbs still entangled, trying desperately to catch their breath. "Who won?" Armin asked. The brunette shook his head. "I don't know, but I do know I'd really like to do that again."

The blond gave a small smirk, his eyes falling to his best friend's lips before meeting them with his own. And as hands began to wander and moans began slipping from their mouths, Armin decided that maybe pocky was a _**little**_ magical.


	5. Too Hot

How Armin had managed to get himself into this situation, he had no idea. He was just standing in the corner, minding his own business, trying too hard to blend in with the wall. And then Annie had grabbed his arm and dragged him through the massive crowd of overly — and illegally — drunk teenagers. "Eren," was all she had said and it was all she needed to say. Armin rolled his eyes, thinking that his best friend had somehow managed to do something stupid again or got Jean so riled up he got a punch to the face. He would just take care of him, like he always did, and try to ignore the fluttering in his heart whenever their fingers would brush.

But, to his surprise, that was not what happened at all. When he finally found Eren, he was sitting with a group of people in a near perfect circle — which was extremely impressive given that they were all probably intoxicated. Mikasa looked to be asleep on the couch near the window. Armin had no idea what was going on until Annie gave him a small shove and made her way to the circle, sitting down. "Alright, Eren, Armin's here, can we start the damn game now?"

 _Game_. Armin didn't like games. Noticing the only spot available was across from Eren, he felt even more uneasy, having to take his place between two random people instead of beside his best friend. Ymir, Christa, Connie, Annie, Jean, Marco, and Sasha were the only people he knew in the group. Besides Eren of course. There were six others he didn't recognize.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" Marco asked, holding an empty coca-cola bottle in the air. Oh no. Armin glanced to his left to see a muscular, angry-looking blond and shrunk back a bit. To his right was a brunet who looked a tad nervous. He seemed closer to Armin's current situation. He leaned over and quietly asked, "Sorry, but what are we playing?"

The boy looked at him, blushing ever so slightly. "I think too hot."

Probably in response to Armin's confused look, he explained. "You spin the bottle and kiss whoever it lands on. The first person who touches the other loses. The winner dares them to do something when it's over."

"So you have to resist touching them whatsoever?"

He nodded. Armin sighed, unsure of how this would go.

Connie decided to go first and gave the bottle a fierce spin, causing it to whirl around in the center of the group for awhile before finally settling on Sasha. They blushed slightly, but leaned in to kiss. It wasn't long before Connie had grabbed hold of Sasha's face and he lost. She then dared him to strip to his underwear and run outside for five minutes, which he, begrudgingly, did. The game continued without him and it was Jean's turn. He spun the bottle and it eventually landed on Marco. This kiss lasted longer than the last and was more passionate. But Jean's hands made their way to Marco's back and he was told to confess his love to Mikasa — when she woke up that is. A black-haired, and extremely intimidating, boy had to kiss three people, winning every time and daring them to do stupid things like spilling drinks on people and seeing what would happen. Armin was scared of him. Christa landed on Eren and Armin had to look away as his heart twisted uncomfortably. Soon though, Ymir had grabbed her and pulled her away, shooting the boy a death glare.

And then it was Eren's turn and Armin watched as it spun and spun, eventually turning the last bit to point at . . . him. His entire face turned beet red as he locked eyes with Eren, biting his lip, his heartbeat speeding out of control. He was determined not to lose the game, as he didn't want to be dared to do something he didn't like, but wasn't sure if he could last that long. He scooted forwards, as did Eren, and he locked his hands firmly behind his back. When their lips first came into contact, Armin almost whimpered. Eren's lips were soft, though slightly chapped, and just incredibly perfect. Their mouths moved in sync, getting a feel for how each other moved. His breath came out in short pants, too distracted with kissing Eren to care that his lungs were burning. Eren kissed him harder, running his tongue gently over Armin's bottom lip. The blond gasped and he stuck his tongue in, wrapping it around Armin's own and exploring his mouth. Moans slipped from his lips and his hands twitched, feeling the need to pull Eren closer, to bring their bodies together. But he couldn't. When Eren groaned, Armin's heart almost stopped, and his already growing excitement had just gotten to another level.

And then he couldn't take it. He wrapped his arms tightly around the brunet's neck and kissed him with all the passion that had been bottled inside him for years. And Eren didn't seem to object, pulling him into his lap immediately. His hands settled on Armin's hips, fingertips slipping slightly under his shirt and making him shiver.

"Uh, guys," someone said and Armin broke away in embarrassment. He had completely forgot they were surrounded by a group of people. He caught his breath, skin flushed, trying to hide his problem downstairs. He shot a nervous look to Eren, who looked up from his crotch and smirked. "I won," he said. Armin bit his lip, his heart hammering in his chest. He leaned over and whispered in Armin's ear, "Let me have you."

The blond, despite his brain gone numb from what had just happened, somehow managed to put together a sentence and whispered back, "I'm all yours."


	6. Twister

Eren had always hated Jean. That fact was known to everyone who had ever seen the two in the same room together. There wasn't a single time they could be anywhere near each other without going at each other's throats. But Eren had never hated Jean as much as he did in this moment.

The horse-face had suggested he, Eren, Armin, and Marco play twister together. Seeing as Marco knew them a bit and Armin was friends with Jean — Eren had no idea how that had happened — it was like a bonding experience, or at least that's what Jean thought. And Armin had agreed and Eren couldn't say no to those eyes so he went along, sulking as they set up the game. When the mat was laid out and everything was set, Eren volunteered to be the referee while Marco, Armin, and Horse-Face played the game. They agreed and he gave the spinner a twirl. "Left foot yellow," he said. They all did so and Eren realized how much control he had over them. He spun again. "Right foot blue."

He continued calling out directions, sticking up his middle finger at Jean behind the others backs or secretly staring at Armin's backside when he wasn't paying attention. But Eren would lock up the gay and continue with the game. Marco eventually got eliminated and Jean and Armin became a tangled mess. Eren didn't like the way Jean's hand had to be between Armin's legs to reach the red circle. Thankfully, Jean failed and Armin was declared the winner. Naturally, Jean demanded a rematch, but this time, Eren took Armin's place. He didn't like the thought of being wrapped around Jean in some awkward position, but it was better than Armin in his place. Jean somehow ended up having to stick his foot under Eren and lost his balance, crashing to the floor and getting disqualified. Shortly afterwards, Marco slipped and lost as well.

The boys decided to do a loser's game and a winner's game, and both groups would have their own winner, but the winner's winner would be extra special. Eren laughed as Jean and Marco struggled to compete around each other, their limbs tangling awkwardly. Eventually, although Jean would deny it, he tickled Marco's ribs, causing him to lose his balance and make Horse-Face the winner. Then it was Eren and Armin's turn. "Left hand blue."

It wasn't so bad actually. They were still quite a distance away and hadn't gotten mixed up in any sort of trouble yet. "Left foot green."

Closer. Eren felt his cheeks heat up at the thought of entangling himself with Armin. "Right hand yellow. Left foot blue. Left hand red."

Armin reached his hand behind him and Eren had gone for the same circle, ending up above him, a knee between his open legs. Eren blushed, moving his hand to the empty circle next to the first, trying to ignore Armin's warm breath on his face. "Right foot blue."

The blond reached his foot out, having to hook it around Eren's to reach a blue circle. This brought them even closer and the brunet noticed his friend's cheeks were dusted pink. "Right hand green."

Oh he had to be kidding. Eren wrapped his hand under Armin's back, pressing his face into his chest, fingertips barely touching the green. He could hear how fast Armin's heart was beating and his own pulse quickened at the sound. "Left hand yellow."

Armin moved towards the yellow, trapping himself directly under Eren with much less stable arm support. "Left foot red."

Armin went for the circle underneath the one Eren chose, and managed to trip him, sending them crashing to the ground in a most unfortunate position. Eren was essentially straddling Armin and when they locked eyes, he found he couldn't pull himself away. But then Armin was kissing him and his heart was flying and he was kissing back. And Jean might've yelled something about getting a room, but Eren had never listened to the horse-face anyway.


	7. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of spoilers

They were staring out at the city when it happened. Armin had come up with his plan to seal the wall and Eren had trusted him blindly, seeming sure it would work. If Armin came up with it, he'd do it. But he could tell the blond was nervous. And nerves wouldn't get him far in battle. So Eren decided to say something. Though he'd never admit it to himself, there were other reasons for wanting to comfort the blond. But they had been recognized years ago and had been shoved down to the depths of his heart. Because being in love was dangerous.

Armin had turned, walking towards where he was supposed to be for the start of the mission, Eren having to go the other way. He suddenly reached out and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. Their eyes locked. "Armin," he began, unsure of how to start. He hesitated a moment to put his words together, glancing anywhere but at Armin before looking up and meeting his eyes. "Don't get yourself killed," he said, cursing himself for not being able to say what he wanted to. But Armin recognized the hidden meaning behind his words and gave him a soft smile. "You too," he said, knowing Eren had never really been good at saying 'I love you.'


	8. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible spoilers if you just started watching the show/reading the manga

It was just like it always was. The sickening grin, the screams, the blood. Eren awoke in a sweat, feeling hot tears streaming down his face. This happened every night. The nightmares. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, he watched his mother get killed over and over again. Devoured by that bloodthirsty titan. But tonight was especially vivid. And it left a horrible pain in the center of Eren's chest. These nightmares always left him with a feeling like he had lost her again. But she was gone. And there was nothing he could do to get her back. 

"Eren,"

The gentle voice was strange in the silence and made the boy jump a little, looking to where it had come from. He saw his best friend peering at him, worry in his ocean eyes. He was leaning over the edge of his bunk, his hair falling towards the floor like a blond halo around his face. Eren wiped at his eyes and turned away, trying to hide his tears from Armin. He heard shuffling and footsteps and Armin joined him in the dark, slipping under the covers of his bed. "Eren," he said again, reaching out and gently touching his arm. The brunet turned to face him. He must've looked like a mess, his hair mussed, tear stains down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy. He noticed the small frown his friend wore and the complete and utter worry in his eyes and on his face and felt guilty. He never meant for Armin to look this way. He was supposed to be happy, full of wonder at the world around him, not here, staring into Eren's eyes, looking like his heart was breaking.

His hand trailed down Eren's arm, reaching his own. Armin interlaced their fingers, giving Eren's hand a gentle squeeze and a soft smile. "Nightmare?" he asked simply, like he already knew and needed verification. The boy stifled a sob in response and Armin pulled him closer, taking him into his arms. Eren pressed his face into the blond's chest, listening to his heartbeat — slow, steady. Armin kissed his forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds. Eren gripped him tighter, feeling safe in the warmth of his embrace. And that's how they stayed, wrapped in each other's arms, until the sun came up to start a new day.


	9. Truth or Dare

It was raining and Armin was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and sipping a cup of coffee. Eren, his roommate and best friend, had gone out for an unknown reason and Armin was left alone to catch up on some homework that was due next week. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, continuing on typing up an essay for his english class. He was halfway through his third body paragraph when Eren burst through the door, a sly grin on his face. "What did you do?" Armin asked, more a statement than a question. "I went over to Jean and Marco's place to grab a few things, that alright?"

Eren chuckled, placing down his bags and shrugging off his coat while Armin sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, you've _**done**_ something. You didn't steal another candy bar from Sasha, did you? You know she'll kill you if she finds out."

Eren laughed, sending Armin's heart aflutter. "No, no. But I did get this," he said, pulling out a large bottle of jack daniels from his bag. The blond tsked and tilted his head. "Eren, you know I don't drink."

"You do tonight."

Armin couldn't really argue. He had had a long week and needed a break from all the stress and work that came along with school. And besides, it was a Friday night; they had nowhere to be in the morning. He shut his laptop screen and put it to the side, making room for Eren on the couch. The boy grabbed two cups from the kitchen and took a seat beside him, placing the bottle on the coffee table. He poured them both a glass and handed one to Armin. The blond eyed the substance warily, glancing at Eren to see him down half of it. It smelled like alcohol usually did, so he took a hesitant sip. It was strong and he scrunched up his face, blushing embarrassedly when Eren chuckled.

After the first glass, it got much easier to drink. It didn't taste as bitter and he felt much more relaxed than he had before Eren arrived. They just talked about school, shared funny stories, anything really. But somehow the idea of truth or dare came up and Armin, under the drink's influence, had agreed. "Alright," Eren slurred, looking to the ceiling in thought for a second. The blond took another swig from his glass, feeling the liquid burn as it ran down his throat. "Min, truth or dare?"

"Mmmm," he said, thinking of his options. "Truth."

"Do you wear panties?"

He let out a laugh a bit louder than he had expected and shook his head. "No, Eren, I don't wear panties. Okay, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Umm . . ."

He tried to think of something that wouldn't be too gross or embarrassing, but still good enough to entertain him. "Uh, I dare you to . . . go next door and ask the neighbor for a cup of sugar."

Eren groaned and Armin giggled. It was a well-known fact that Eren was absolutely terrified of their next door neighbor. He always tried to shrug it off and pretend he just thought the guy was annoying, but Armin had seen him visibly flinch a few times around him. And the neighbor wasn't too keen about being around him either. "Really?"

He nodded. The brunet rolled his eyes. "Fine."

He dragged himself off the couch, slipping his shoes on. "I'll get you for this, Arlert."

Armin giggled, but felt a twist of uneasiness. Eren was drunk, so he wouldn't be thinking clearly and, quite frankly, that scared him. Judging by his first truth, he would come up with something strange or embarrassing. Maybe both. Eren returned a few minutes later, pouting and holding an empty mug, the sugar poured over his head. Armin laughed hysterically and the frown on his face deepened. "It isn't funny, Armin."

"Oh, but it is," he choked out, trying to settle himself. Giving one last giggle, he took another sip of whisky. Eren put the glass down, shaking the sugar out of his hair and returning to his place beside him. "Okay, you jerk, truth or dare?"

"Truth," he said, but he only remembered Eren's threat after the word had left his mouth. "Have you ever kissed a boy?"

His heart stopped. What was he getting at? He swallowed, his throat now dry despite the alcohol he just drank. His cheeks dusted pink, he bit his lip, noticing the seriousness in Eren's eyes before looking away. "No," he answered finally. "I-I've never kissed anyone . . ."

Eren's mouth fell open. "Really? How is that possible? You're the most amazing person I know!"

He blushed a dark shade of crimson, his heart speeding up dramatically. He cleared his throat nervously. "So, Eren, truth or dare?"

"Uh, truth."

"H-have you ever kissed a boy?"

He blushed lightly. "No, not yet."

_Not yet?_

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you like anyone?"

Armin couldn't take much more of this. It felt almost like an interrogation in a weird way. But that was probably because Armin had never been in this situation and he was heavily intoxicated and could easily say something he would regret. "Uh . . . y-yeah I do."

Eren didn't seem satisfied and he got the feeling that the next truth, should he choose it, would be who he liked and he was _**not**_ ready for that. Confession had not been on his agenda today and probably never would be. "Eren, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

But unfortunately, alcohol was more prominent than fear of rejection and the words fell from Armin's mouth before he could stop them. "Kiss me."

Eren's face softened and he bit his lip and Armin thought he had ruined everything. But Eren leaned forward and pressed their lips together before the blond could apologize. It was relatively short, over far too soon for Armin's liking. Eren didn't back away, but kept his hand near Armin's thigh, now part of his personal space. They just stared at each other for a moment, but then gazes fell to lips and they were kissing again, longer this time. Armin placed his hands on Eren's shoulders and felt gentle fingers grip his thighs. Whenever a kiss ended, a new one began, each time learning how they best fit together.

Then Eren's tongue was in his mouth and he was letting out quiet moans as hands wandered and hips moved. And when it was over, there would be no way they wouldn't remember this in the morning.

Because Armin had never before slept naked in his best friend's arms.


	10. New Year's Kiss

Mikasa had passed out hours ago. She had had far too much to drink and had plopped down on the couch. Eren and Armin tried to move her, but she was too heavy and wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. So the boys were left in each other's company, red solo cups in their hands, the TV on NBC. As it got closer to midnight, Armin's mind started to wander. It was a tradition to kiss someone on New Year's wasn't it? He had never spent the holiday with anyone other than Eren and Mikasa, neither of whom had ever followed through with it. They would just cheer, give a toast, and laugh the night away. And Armin didn't mind that. Not one bit.

But recently, he had been thinking about what would happen if he were to kiss Eren. What his lips would feel like, how he would react. If he would shove him away or bring him even closer. These recent thoughts about his best friend had startled Armin at first, but when he came to terms with it, he supposed he'd always felt this way. Though never this strongly, he'd always been fond of Eren in a way that other people saw as 'love'. But he had always passed it off as friendship, wondering why everyone he knew thought he had a huge crush on the brunet. But they were all right. Armin was head over heels for him, but could never have him. Because they were best friends and Eren wasn't even into guys anyway. Armin didn't know if he could deal with rejection. So he always kept quiet.

Eren had drunk more than he usually did on New Year's, already on his umpteenth cup of beer and it was only eleven thirty. Armin had had a bit to drink as well, but not nearly enough to greatly affect him. Just enough to make him feel a little more relaxed, a little more daring, a little more emotional. It was making him think of things he shouldn't be thinking going into the new year. It was a time for new beginnings, not time to dwell on heartache at not being able to have your best friend the way you wanted. He should be happy, celebrating, laughing at something Eren told him. But he just sat silently, eyes glued to the TV. "Hey, Armin," Eren suddenly spoke up. "Mm?"

"Have you ever had a New Year's kiss?"

Armin met his eyes and blushed lightly, but shook his head. Eren muttered a quiet 'oh' before turning back to the television. It was almost midnight now. "Have you?" Armin found himself asking. "No."

_Ten. Nine. Eight._

Armin could feel Eren's eyes on him, but he didn't look, feeling his face heating up under the boy's intense gaze.

_Seven. Six._

"Armin,"

The boy shivered slightly at the way his name rolled off Eren's tongue, but forced himself to face him. The brunet moved closer to him on the couch and Armin could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

_Five._

He ran his fingers through the wave of Armin's hair, looking him in the eyes.

_Four._

Armin licked his lips nervously and saw emerald eyes follow the motion.

_Three._

His hand settled on the blond's cheek.

_Two._

"Eren," he said softly, his own eyes falling to the boy's lips.

_One._

His eyes fluttered closed as Eren gently brought their lips together. Armin felt his heart swell and his stomach erupted in butterflies. He let out a soft whimper, pressing even closer, making the kiss more certain, letting Eren know this was far overdue. The brunet pulled away only to return with more passion and bravery. Their lips moulded together like two puzzle pieces that had finally found each other. It was over far too soon and Armin took a moment to register what just happened. Eren gave him a smile. "Happy New Year, Armin."


	11. Bullies

"What's wrong, fag, boyfriend not here to save you?"

They shoved Armin against a locker and he felt pain radiate from the back of his skull. "I-It's not — we don't —"

"Don't what? You can't even talk, you're so useless."

He felt tears threatening to form and he hurriedly blinked, hoping they hadn't seen. The boy holding him up scoffed. "You're so fucking weak," he spat, giving Armin a good punch to the jaw before he turned to go down the hall, his minion friends following at his heel like dogs. He just lay still for awhile, trying not to let them get to him. No matter how many times they punched him, called him names, insulted him, he never could get used to it. And though he never admitted it, their words affected him. Always.

Footsteps sounded from down the hall, but Armin didn't bother raising his head. It was probably a teacher who would find him lying there and ask if he was alright. "Armin," came a concerned voice. He knew that voice. Weakly raising his face, he saw Eren looking at him, his face distorted in worry. "What did they do?" he asked softly, gingerly reaching his hand out to brush across his jaw and the bruise that had probably begun to form. He sighed and pulled Armin to his feet. "Come on, let me clean you up."

"Eren, you don't —"

"Armin," he said, giving him a painful look. "Please. Let me do this."

The blond grimaced and nodded slowly. Eren wrapped an arm around his waist as he limped down the hallway towards the parking lot. The brunet helped him into the passenger seat of his car before getting in himself. He started driving and Armin assumed they were going to Eren's house again. They usually did. But Mikasa would be there and Armin wasn't looking forward to having to explain the situation to her. She would worry too much and vow to beat up anyone who touched Armin again. But that was the problem. They always got him when he was alone. When he was vulnerable. Eren had promised he would do everything in his power to protect him, but it wasn't working. After school, between classes, it didn't matter. They always escaped Eren's vengeance.

It took a second for Armin to realize he wasn't pulling in to Eren's driveway. He was in his driveway. They never went to his house. Only if Eren wanted to talk privately or if the beatings were really bad. Armin's parents spent a lot of time at work, whether on business trips or in meetings, so he didn't see them much. Today was no exception as they were in Chicago for the next few weeks. Eren opened the door for him, gently taking his arm to help him out. Though Armin felt incredibly weak for needing to be helped so much, he knew he couldn't do it on his own. They walked up the steps to the porch and opened the door with Eren's extra key. He placed Armin on the couch before hurrying to the bathroom for supplies. He returned with a first aid kit and took a seat beside the blond. "Off," he said gently, giving his shirt hem a light tug. Armin bit his lip, but pulled off the piece of clothing, revealing a large bruise on his stomach. He noticed Eren tense, his hands clenching tightly on his thighs. He gently touched the mark and Armin winced a little. Worried green eyes met his, his fingers pulling away hurriedly. "Sorry," he muttered, grabbing an ice pack from his side. He looked to Armin who gave a small nod before pressing the cold bag to his skin. He jumped slightly at the chill, but easily shrugged it off. Using his free hand, Eren gently took Armin's and brought it to the ice pack. "Hold this here, okay?"

Armin nodded again, not really in the mood for talking. Eren took a small cloth and raised it to Armin's face. He moved his blond hair out of the way, gently dabbing his left temple where a streak of blood was. Armin watched his face as he worked, but the boy's eyes were on what he was doing. He looked upset. Like someone had recently broken his heart. "Eren," the name fell from his trembling lips before he could stop it. Emerald met sapphire with that same look. "Are you okay?"

Eren let out a painful chuckle. "You've just been beat up and you're asking if _**I'm**_ okay?"

"Just — are you?"

The brunet looked away, eyes flitting over anything but the boy in front of him. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, Eren! It does!" Armin said, not meaning to raise his voice however slight it might have been. "I'm just peachy, how are you?" he asked sarcastically, tucking the blond's hair behind his ear to examine his jaw. He exhaled quietly. "Eren, what's wrong?"

"Really, Armin? You don't know why I'm acting like such an asshole right now?"

"Well I —"

"Fine. I'll tell you because you can't seem to figure it out. Those dicks beat you up again and I wasn't there to protect you. Happy now?"

"Quite frankly, no. Why does it matter, it's happened before. What makes this different?"

"It's — I just—"

"You what?"

Suddenly Eren grabbed Armin's shoulders. "I'm in love with you, okay?!" he yelled. The room fell silent. The air shifted and tension settled in. Eren hung his head. "And I . . . seeing this happen to you . . . I can't stand it, Min . . . ."

He didn't know what to say. Emerald eyes raised to meet his and what Armin saw there broke his heart. There were tears threatening to spill. "Eren . . . ," he trailed off, watching the boy struggle to keep calm. Armin hesitated before reaching out to cup his face, gently wiping away his tears. "Don't worry, I'm fine. It'll be alright."

"No! You're not fine! This isn't right, they shouldn't treat you that way!"

The blond gave a soft smile and pulled Eren into his arms. The brunet sighed and relaxed, returning the embrace. He chuckled. " _ **I**_ should be the one comforting _**you**_ right now."

Armin grinned and bit his lip. "Me too," he mumbled. Eren pulled away. "What?"

He blushed, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "Wh-what you said earlier, I . . . I am too . . . ."

He hurriedly looked away, his heart pounding furiously in his chest. Trembling fingers turned his chin and soft lips pressed against his own. His eyes slipped closed, tentatively placing his hands on Eren's hips. The kiss didn't last long, but it said so many unspoken things. When they pulled away, their eyes locked, both seemingly surprised to some degree of what had just happened. But then Armin grinned and Eren did as well. The brunet leaned in and gave his lips another gentle peck. "Now hang around me whenever you can, alright? So I can beat those bullies' asses if they so much as look at you."

Armin giggled and brought their lips together for one last, lingering kiss before smiling at him. "I will."


	12. Cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some spoilers

Cute. Eren hated that word. He had hated it since the day Armin had called Christa that. They had been walking, chatting about who knows what outside the barracks and somehow their conversation went to their fellow cadets. "I don't even know how Jean graduated one under me, stupid horse face."

He had said something like that. Then Armin had shrugged lightly and smiled at his best friend. "Yeah. I was surprised when Christa graduated top ten. She's cute, but I don't know how good she is as a soldier. I haven't seen her practice."

Eren had gone stiff. A horrible feeling settled in his chest and he didn't like it. He didn't know what it was but he never wanted to feel it again. He had called Armin cute either to mess with him or silently to himself, but he had never heard the blond use it to describe someone before. He didn't want him to ever call someone that again and he had no idea why. Weeks later, Eren occasionally thought back to the time Armin had complimented Christa and whenever he did, he felt his blood boil, his fists clenching angrily. Mikasa had seemed to take notice, but ignored it, as Eren was usually angry about something or other. But one day, Eren couldn't stop thinking about it the entire day and it was making him mental. He didn't know why he was so aggravated over a stupid word. It wasn't like it was weird or unusual but just having it relate to **_Christa_** made him **_really_** upset. He didn't see Armin much outside of lunch, and that night Eren decided to retire early, hoping some rest would calm his mind. But then Armin walked in and they were alone in the barracks. "Oh," Armin said with a gentle smile. "Hey, Eren. I didn't think anyone else would be in here."

"I thought I'd try to go to bed a little early," he replied, trying not to lash out at this boy who had done nothing but plague his mind. A moment of silence passed over them and Eren could almost _**feel**_ the tension setting in. Armin knew something was wrong. That was always something he had been good at. He was always able to read Eren like a book even when he didn't want him to. The blond took quiet footsteps over to Eren, sitting beside the brunet, the bed sagging slightly under the new weight. "Eren," he said softly, placing a gentle hand over his own. "What's wrong?"

Eren couldn't deny it. Armin was always stubborn when it came to these things. When he knew something was upsetting him, he would keep pushing until he figured out what it was, usually comforting Eren with a hug or by rubbing his back when that happened. But Eren didn't want him to get to the bottom of this problem. Mostly because he himself couldn't manage to do it.

But telling the truth wasn't what he wanted to do either. What if Armin thought he was weird or losing his mind? It made no sense to be completely honest. Christa _**was**_ very pretty so it wasn't that that bothered him. It wasn't the fact that Armin had said cute, he didn't hate the word. But the fact that it was _**Christa**_ and _**Armin**_ had called her cute....

It didn't sit well with him. He furrowed his brow, feeling his anger grow, but towards who or what he had no idea. "Eren, please. Tell me. You'll feel better afterwards."

The brunet almost laughed. He didn't know how Armin could sound so certain about something he really couldn't predict. But he supposed it had always been that way. He hadn't been completely sure his plan would work to seal the wall, but he sounded like he believed what he was saying. And when he was trying to convince the garrison regiment that Eren wasn't a monster, he seemed absolutely certain he wasn't. But maybe he hadn't truly believed that either...

"I honestly don't know, Armin," his lips were moving before he could stop them. "I just...."

He swallowed, taking a deep breath to steady his suddenly wild heart. He was incredibly nervous and cursed himself for not understanding why he was feeling the way he was. Maybe he really was as insane as everyone else seemed to think.

Everyone except Armin.

His eyes met ocean blue and remembered how they sparkled when he told him about the outside world. How they filled with worry whenever he did something reckless or got himself hurt. How they seemed to darken when he had called Armin weak.

Eren hated remembering that moment. He hadn't meant a word of it. He was still recovering from his mother's death, he hadn't eaten a proper meal in days, and it seemed like the entire world was turning against him.

Not Armin.

He was just trying to protect him, just trying to make sure he wasn't getting into something without knowing what exactly it was he was getting into. And it was _**his**_ fault that Armin was even here in the first place. _**His**_ fault that he had seen the things he had, being one of the last survivors of the Trost massacre. _**His**_ fault that he had seemingly forgotten about the ocean and taken the glimmer from his eyes.

Eren wasn't sure when the tears started to fall. But almost immediately Armin pulled him into his arms, tracing patterns on his back, resting his head on Eren's. He sobbed, gripping Armin's shirt, feeling utterly pathetic. "I-I'm sorry," he mumbled, trying to keep his voice steady. "Don't you dare be sorry, Eren Jaeger," the blond said, pulling away to look at him. He gripped his shoulders tightly, but not enough to hurt. "You shouldn't keep your emotions in. It isn't healthy. So tell me. Please."

He bit his lip and wiped away some of his tears. "It doesn't make sense, b-but...I didn't like it...wh-when you called Christa...," he had to take a moment before forcing himself to complete the sentence. "Cute....And it's entirely my fault for getting you into a-all this, Armin. If it hadn't been f-for me, you could be s-safe in Wall Sina and not here watching our friends die and knowing there was nothing we could've done....If it weren't for me, you probably would've gotten to the ocean already and..."

Armin took his face in his hands, wiping the tears away. "No, Eren. You're wrong. It's because of you that I'm alive. And either way, I would've seen people I knew die anyway, since the titans have invaded. Besides, you and Mikasa are the only people I really care about and it's better to be prepared and ready to kill a titan than to wait like a sitting duck. And I don't want to just see the ocean...," he said, giving him a sad smile. "I want to see it with you."

"But why me? I'm just a poor example of humanity, I've been broken so many times I can't even remember anything anymore. I'm losing my mind, Armin!" he cried, grabbing the boy's collar for support he didn't need. "Eren," he said sternly but softly and the brunet felt himself relax a little. "Calm down. We're all a little broken, we kind of have to be, but we all survive. Just like you do."

He pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Eren could see his lip trembling. "You're so important to me, Eren. More than anyone else. I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd probably be long dead by now. I've already lost you once...," his voice shook. Connie had told Eren how utterly distraught Armin had been when he saw Eren get devoured, like he was in a daze, his eyes overcast and cloudy, before suddenly breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. He had even tried to...

"I can't lose you again. Without you...I have n-nothing to live for."

Tears began to roll down his cheeks and Eren never wanted to see Armin like this again. "I...you mean e-everything to me..."

Eren couldn't stand the pain his heart was experiencing, seeing Armin so upset. He shouldn't look like this. He should be happy, that amazing smile on his face, his eyes shimmering with hopes and dreams of seeing something in the outside world. Eren wanted it to stop and acted on impulse, bringing their lips together hurriedly. Armin let out a small squeak of surprise but Eren kissed him harder and felt him melt into it. It seemed to last forever but not long enough at the same time. But when they had to breathe, they pulled away, staring into each other's eyes. Then Armin smiled, tears still shimmering on his cheeks. "I think I might know why you didn't like me calling Christa cute."


	13. Spin the Bottle

Armin was a little drunk. Not enough to forget the entire night but he definitely was going to have a massive hangover the next morning. He was giggling and stumbling, but his mind was still slightly aware of his surroundings. If he was handed another drink he would politely decline or if someone came onto him, he would push them away instead of bringing them closer. But the alcohol that was circulating through his system was making him a little clingy and he wondered where Eren had run off to. He searched for the brunet on the dance floor, by the makeshift bar, anywhere he could think of that his friend might be.

Someone placed a hand on his shoulder and the blond jumped, spinning around to find the object of his search. "You should've seen your face," he giggled. "Sorry, Min."

"Eren!" Armin cried, throwing his arms around the boy. They had always done this, whether it be a greeting or as they talked, they always had some sort of contact no matter what they did. Some other people (cough cough Jean) thought it was 'weird' or 'gross' but to be completely honest, Armin liked being this close to his friend. "I missed you. Where've you been?" he asked, slurring slightly. "Oh, that reminds me! Come on,"

Eren took his hand and Armin could feel his face flush red. The only downside to having such a close relationship was that if, for some reason, you discovered you were completely in love with your best friend which, unfortunately, Armin had found out a long time ago. He always blushed despite himself whenever Eren would take his hand like this or place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He tried to hide his feelings, to push them down where no one could find them, but that didn't seem to be working so far.

Armin was snapped back to reality when Eren came to a stop, letting go of Armin's hand and sitting down in a circle of people. The blond's mind immediately went to cult, but he knew Eren wouldn't be a part of something like that.

Would he?

He shook his head, deciding the thought wasn't important at that moment and took a seat directly across from his best friend. He noticed which people were laughing louder than others and who was sitting lazily while others were completely normal. There were sober people in this group. That meant that whatever went down here, even if Armin managed to forget everything tomorrow, there would be a decent amount of people who would witness his probable embarrassment and never let him live it down. His brain became a bit more alert, but definitely not 100%. Someone — was it Thomas? — took out a beer bottle and placed it in the middle of the group. He gave it a twirl, the glass making scraping sounds against the wooden floor before coming to a stop, pointing towards a girl Armin didn't know. They scooted closer to each other, kissing briefly before pulling away hurriedly. Armin's mind raced to the edge of sobriety before halting just on the drunken side. They were playing spin the bottle. And that meant Armin might kiss one of his friends in this game. And those sober people from before would see the whole thing and force him to remember it for the rest of his life.

Armin cringed and laughed at the kisses as they varied from person to person. Jean's spin landed on Eren and that had been fun to watch. It was well known that they hated each other, and Eren made sure to give Jean's lip a harsh bite before he could pull away. The brunet gave it a twirl and ocean eyes widened when it landed on him. Eren had straddled him before he could realize what was happening and planted their lips together in a firm but gentle kiss. Armin immediately returned the gesture, his eyes slipping closed as his hand came up to tangle in Eren's hair. He could hear people whispering around them as they basically made out in front of everyone. "How long have they wanted to do that?" he heard someone ask. "God knows," came the reply. He felt Eren lift his arm and knew he had given them an incredibly rude hand gesture but found he couldn't bring himself to care.


	14. Constellations

His eyes opened and he sighed in frustration, finally sitting up in bed. It was probably an ungodly hour of the morning and Eren couldn't manage to get one wink of sleep. He tossed and turned but couldn't let himself relax and the restlessness only grew as the time passed. He looked around the room, his eyes accustomed to the dark, to see that everyone was already asleep. He quietly climbed out of bed to glance into the top bunk. Armin had insisted he sleep on the top bunk because he said Eren might roll himself off the edge. And, as usual, he was right. He had accidentally fallen to the ground in the lower bunk and had mentally thanked Armin for his quick thinking. But as he climbed the first few rungs of the ladder, the familiarity of blond hair wasn't where he thought it would be. There was just evidence that someone had recently slept in the bed. Or tried to at least. He looked around for his friend, a bit of panic setting in. "Armin?" he whispered. No response. He searched the barracks for something, anything that would tell him Armin was okay. He was just leaving to report the boy missing when he stumbled upon him sitting quietly on the front step, staring at the sky. Eren let out a silent sigh of relief and gently closed the door behind him so he didn't disturb the blond. He didn't want to startle him though, so he tried to make his footsteps noticeable but not ridiculously loud. Armin turned his head quickly, but his features softened when he knew who it was. "Eren, what are you doing out here?"

Remembering his ultimately embarrassing search where his worry got the best of him, Eren replied, "I could say the same for you."

The blond looked down at his fidgeting fingers as Eren took a seat beside him. "Couldn't sleep," he replied simply. "Me neither."

A warm silence settled over them in the cool September air. The blond raised his head to the sky, ocean eyes seeming to glow in the moonlight. "There's another world out there, Eren," he said suddenly. The boy followed Armin's gaze to the stars, eyes tracing the constellations. "Out there?"

He nodded, Eren catching the movement in his peripheral vision. "There's all sorts of different things among the stars. Some are bigger than the sun, but they're so far away, they look like tiny specks. And each object has it's own atmosphere, its own ecosystem. Maybe even it's own life."

Eren took this moment to turn away from the stars and towards the bright-eyed boy he called his best friend. He found his gaze locked on Armin, staring at him as if he had just seen him for the first time. And in a way he had. He had failed to notice how absolutely stunning the blond was. But now he discovered the sparkle of stars in his ocean eyes, the light freckles dusting his cheeks like the constellations, the gentle curve of his lips as he smiled. The blond glanced at him, his face full of wonder falling into concern. "Eren, are you okay?"

He didn't know what came over him, but Eren found himself leaning towards the blond boy and pressing their lips together. He pulled away after a moment, searching for some sign of disgust or rejection in Armin's eyes. But then the blond had grabbed his collar and pulled him into another kiss, this one a bit more certain. When they pulled away, Eren intertwined their fingers, leaning their foreheads together. "Tell me more," he said. "About the world out there."

The boys sat outside, talking about the stars before Armin had slumped against Eren and they had fallen asleep propped up against the barrack wall.


	15. Gauze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers

Eren didn't know why he hadn't turned into a titan. Of course, he had been training so it didn't really matter. But if he couldn't transform during a simple test, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to do it during a battle when it would be important. He had attacked his hand so savagely, desperate to turn, he had left his skin a mangled mess. He refused Hanji's help, too ashamed of his failure, and ran off to the hospital wing, which was empty since they hadn't been on a mission in awhile. He cursed himself under his breath, frustrated and confused because he couldn't figure out why this had happened. **_Hadn't_** happened more like.

"Eren?"

The brunet knew that voice. He hastily tried to cover his injury, looking up to meet ocean eyes. "A-Armin!" he exclaimed, hiding his hand behind his back. The blond eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

He stared at Eren a moment, something flashing in his eyes before he sighed, taking a seat on the bed next to the brunet. "I was actually looking for you. Hanji saw you go this direction and I thought this was where you'd come."

"Why, because I wanted to be alone?" he asked half-jokingly, giving Armin a smirk. "Because you're hurt."

The boy cursed under his breath. Armin always knew when something was wrong with him. Whether it be physical or mental, the blond could read him like an open book. Eren usually didn't mind this ability; in fact it was pretty useful when he couldn't quite find the words to express himself. But this was not like that. He was supposed to be able to transform into a titan and no one knew why that hadn't happened. It caused others to turn on him — believing that he could no longer control his ability. And the thought that they might've been right made Eren terrified. People already thought he was a monster and this wasn't going to make it any better.

"Let me see,"

The gentle voice reminded Eren that his best friend was sitting next to him. He raised his gaze from his lap, where it had been previously, and saw the worry etched onto the boy's face. Feeling guilt twist in his stomach, he grimaced before pulling his left hand out from behind him. Armin gently took his hand, careful not to touch the bite mark. He examined it carefully for a moment before rising to his feet. "Wait here."

He walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out a roll of gauze and a cloth. He hurried over to Eren, dipping the cloth into a jug of water on the bedside table. He took the boy's hand again, gently dabbing at the blood with the now wet cloth. Eren winced when Armin had cleaned the excess blood and had moved on to the wound itself. Ocean eyes glanced up worriedly, making sure it wasn't too painful. Once he was finished, Armin grabbed the gauze and took his time wrapping it around the brunet's hand. Eren's eyes focused on the boy's face, noticing the faint freckles sprinkled across his cheeks. They weren't usually noticeable unless you looked closely. His eyes still held their worried look from earlier, but there was something else there now.   
Something Eren couldn't quite place. He had seen it before many times, but he still didn't know what it was that kept itself hidden in the blue of Armin's eyes. 

His hand seemed to move on it's own, lifting to cup Armin's cheek. The blond looked up, seemingly surprised at the sudden movement. He still held Eren's hand, but stopped wrapping it, a pink hue settling on his cheeks. "E-Eren?" he asked questioningly. But the brunet didn't answer. He was mesmerized by the blond's eyes, his hair, his skin, his lips.

He ran his thumb along Armin's mouth, wanting to see how it felt under his finger. The boy gasped, his cheeks only darkening. Eren glanced up into his eyes again and felt something erupt in his chest. He didn't know what this feeling was, but all he knew was that he had to **_do_** something about it.

So he pulled Armin closer, kissing him softly on the mouth. He seemed surprised at first, letting out a tiny squeak. But he relaxed almost immediately, pulling away slightly only to come back stronger. Eren ran his hand through blond hair, fingers occasionally brushing Armin's jaw. It was relatively chaste and short, but to them it was absolute perfection and froze everything else around them. When Eren pulled away he didn't say anything. Neither did Armin. But the blond smiled that smile. The one that only Eren saw, and even then it was rare. And then he continued caring for Eren's wound as if nothing had happened, gentle smiles and blushes gracing their features.


	16. Fighting Practice

Armin liked fighting practice with Eren. All the other cadets would go all out, using their best skills and tactics and ultimately winning against his own mediocre abilities. He just wasn't that strong. But he could use his brain, figuring out the best ways to avoid blows or send his opponent flying before even touching him. So Armin depended more on his mind than his fists. But Eren went easy on him. And sure, when he thought about it, he felt a little more than weak when he knew that Eren wasn't even really trying and still brought him to his knees, but he could get better. No one else gave him the chance, striking him so quick or so hard he'd be knocked off his feet before he knew what was happening. But Eren was gentle, giving more teasing blows than the others. And this gave Armin a perfect setting to practice. And Eren would help him with his moves which would only help him improve.

But this was out of the ordinary. They never practiced outside of training when they had spare time. They would talk with Mikasa, Eren might get into an argument with Jean, that sort of more domestic thing. But here Armin was, standing facing the brunet, surprised by the words that had fallen from his lips. "What?" he asked again, thinking he must've misheard. "Do you want to practice fighting?" Eren said again, this time more of a statement than a question. "I think they're getting suspicious."

"They think we're faking it?"

"We need to make it more realistic. Or we could train harder, if you're up for that."

Armin looked away, taking a second to collect his thoughts before turning to Eren again. "Alright."

The brunet got into position, raising his fists. "Okay, hit me."

"Wait, here?" he asked, referring to the empty field around them. They were actually on their way to the barracks to ask if Mikasa wanted to eat with them instead of that Annie girl. Armin had said she would refuse but Eren was persistent. "Why not? Come on, it's grass; it's soft," he said with a grin. Armin tried to give him a glare but smiled despite himself. He copied Eren's movements, setting a good stance. He moved quickly, tapping the blond's face before he could even take a step. "You're dead," he said, pulling back. Armin let out a breath, getting ready before starting towards him, planning his next move before he could himself. But the brunet took another swing when he wasn't looking, poking his side and making him yelp. "You're dead," he said again. This continued, Armin's frustration with himself growing the more he failed. He could do this. Planning out a new strategy he had been working on, Armin got into a ready stance. This method relied entirely on deflection, rather than physical strength. He would simply change the blow's direction, essentially using Eren's strength against him. The boy came at him again, moving to strike his side but Armin was quick, using his wrist and sending the brunet swirling past him. Eren whipped his head around, a seemingly shocked look on his face and the blond repressed a smile. He remembered a technique he'd seen Reiner use once, though during training he was always either too nervous to try it himself or never got the chance with other cadets. As Eren ran at him again, he blocked his swing, hitting the backs of his knees and knocking him off his feet. He fell to the ground, Armin following along with him, landing with his thighs around Eren's hips. He pinned him to the ground and smirked a bit breathlessly. "You're dead," he repeated. But then the boy had grabbed his shoulders and switched them around, pinning Armin to the ground instead. Armin struggled to get away, but he was no match for Eren when it came to strength. So he gave up, staring up at the brunet and trying to catch his breath. Something changed in Eren's eyes, something so small Armin wasn't certain he had seen it in the first place. But then the brunet had pressed their lips together hurriedly and Armin thought his heart had exploded. The kiss lasted only a few seconds before Eren pulled away, lips still inches from Armin's own. The blond thought about his options before deciding he didn't want to think anymore. He grabbed Eren's face in his hands before bringing their mouths together again. Their lips moved in sync, fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces that had just found each other. When they finally pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, Armin thought there would be a difference in the air — a weirdness almost — but found that everything between them was exactly the same, just not fully explored.


	17. Useless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming Spoilers

The picture was still vivid in his mind. The same smile. The promising fight. The blood. He remembered the feeling too. The irrepressible anger that welled within him when he first laid eyes on it. It had killed his mother. And now it was time for his revenge. But the transformation hadn't worked and he had tried desperately again and again, each time ripping off a piece of his own flesh. He bit savagely at his hand, fearing that with Mikasa's injuries and his own incapability, they would surely be eaten alive. But then there was Hannes, swinging his blades furiously at the beast, saying something about avenging their mother.

But then it went wrong, the titan grabbing him and slowly raising him to its mouth. He had tried again to do something — **_anything_**. But it was no use. Muscle and skin were torn from his hand, his teeth digging closer to the bone with each bite. Tears poured from his eyes as he watched Hannes get closer still to being eaten alive. And then his torso was in it's mouth and it's jaws clamped shut. He could do nothing but stare, blood dripping from his lips and down his arm, his eyes blurred with tears, a large knot in his throat. He felt sick. This titan had killed his mother and now it had killed Hannes too. And he had done nothing.

He fell to his knees, sobbing hysterically, sounding almost like he was laughing. Mikasa gave him an odd look. Like he had lost his mind and she was scared of him. He began screaming, his throat burning as he did, feeling like his heart was being ripped from his chest. "NOTHING'S CHANGED!" he yelled. "YOU'RE STILL AS USELESS AS YOU EVER WERE! NOTHING'S CHANGED!"

He took a second, closing his eyes. "Mom . . . ."

His voice was weak and wavering now. "I'm s-sorry."

Once again he felt the tears coming and let out another gut-wrenching scream, hating himself more than he had ever hated anything in his life. 

~~~

It had been a few days since Eren watched Hannes get murdered like his mother. And he still felt numb. It was his fault. If he had just been able to do something, Hannes would be alive. 

But he failed.

Again.

The door to the barracks creaked open and Eren lifted his head to meet worried blue eyes. "Eren," he said softly, like he would fall apart at any moment. He felt so weak. So pathetic. So broken. The bed sagged under a new weight. "Armin," he muttered, not sure if he could manage to say anything else, trying to keep his voice steady. Armin gently took his hand, rubbing circles on his skin with his thumb. A moment of silence passed as he seemed to collect his thoughts, taking a breath and letting it out. "It wasn't your fault, Eren," Armin said, his voice showing its own signs of weakness despite his trying to keep it strong. "There was nothing you —"

" ** _Armin,_** " he said a bit harsher than he intended. "It was my fault."

"Eren, don't blame yourself."

"NO! IT'S MY FAULT HANNES IS DEAD AND MY MOTHER TOO! I COULDN'T DO **_ANYTHING_**!"

He saw the flash of hurt in Armin's eyes and buried his head in his hands, feeling his throat knot uncomfortably, tears beginning to form. "I'm useless . . . ."

"Eren."

The emotion poured into such a simple word made the boy look up at his friend. "You're _**not**_ useless. You're the only hope humanity has. We need you."

There was a pause as Armin closed his eyes, taking a small breath. " ** _I_** need you."

Eren was surprised to say the least. He scanned the boy's face, watching as a quivering frown formed on his lips. His eyes snapped open and Eren saw the tears that were now spilling from them. But despite the completely broken look on the blond's face, Armin gave him a crooked smile. "If it weren't for y-you, I wouldn't be alive today. Do you know how many times you've saved me?"

"Armin —"

"Do you? You've a-always been there when I needed you, Eren. And I'm so g-grateful for that."

He sniffled before letting out a painful chuckle. "You know, I used to feel so worthless. Y-you were always saving me, protecting me. I c-could do nothing myself. Because I was weak. B-But you taught me something."

He got closer, wrapping his arms around Eren. "Sometimes we have to cherish what we h-have."

He gripped him tighter. "Because you never know when it could disappear."

There was another pause and Eren felt tears beginning to run down his cheeks, still not believing what Armin was saying. "I watched you die. At Trost. I thought I-I should've died together with you. And I th-thought it was my fault y-you were eaten. For not snapping out of it and getting to y-you quicker. I . . . I didn't have a reason to l-live anymore."

The boy let out a loud sob at this point, gripping Eren impossibly tighter. "I w-was going to k-kill myself."

Eren gasped, feeling his heart twist painfully. "Armin," he said as gently as he could, softly pulling away from his embrace. Eren hated the expression on Armin's face. He knew the blond was in utter agony and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. But then again, when was he ever able to do anything?

"Y-you're the reason I-I stay a-alive, Eren. I . . ."

He let out another sob, clenching his eyes shut. "I l-love you."

Eren pulled the boy into his arms, letting him cry into his chest, his shoulders shaking with sobs. He was crying so hard, it sounded like he was screaming, like he had lost everything. Eren tried to contain his own sobs, managing somewhat. "Y-You m-m-mean everything to m-me."

"I love y-you too...."

After a few more seconds of crying, Eren pulled Armin away from him, his hands resting on his shoulders. The blond wiped his eyes, beginning to settle his whimpers. Eren suddenly pulled Armin back towards him, not really sure what he was doing as their lips met. His heart wrenched in his chest and Armin was immediately kissing him back desperately, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him in further. Then they were kissing like it was the end of the world. Like they would never take another breath.

Their lungs burned from lack of oxygen, but still they kept at it, clinging to each other like their lives depended on it. And in a way, they did. But eventually they pulled away, gasping for breath, still staying close to each other. Eren embraced him again like a lifeline. Armin hugged him back, his grip so tight, Eren almost had difficulty breathing. And they just stayed like that until their heartbeats had slowed, their breath had evened out, and the world seemed just a tiny bit brighter.


	18. Prom

Armin sighed into the half-empty cup of punch clutched in his hand, watching the way his reflection quivered. Prom wasn't nearly as magical as everyone had said it would be. It was a time for dancing, smiling, laughing, an arm wrapped around your date. Not a time for sulking alone in the corner with a red solo cup full of punch and wishing to be like the couples on the dance floor. Armin at that moment was a perfect example of his worst expectations.

It wasn't as if he was completely alone, he had his friends (however limited in quantity and resilience), but he hadn't managed to work up the means or the courage to ask a girl to be his date. No one was really his type.

Or at least that's what he told his small group of close friends, Eren and Mikasa. But this wasn't entirely true. It wasn't that he hadn't found his type, he most certainly had, but who had caused him to figure that out wasn't anywhere near female. And his heart still raced at the sight of chestnut hair and emerald eyes.

So that was why he was standing there.

Alone.

In the corner.

Nobody had asked him to dance thus far and he hadn't been able to spot Mikasa nor the oblivious object of his affections. But just as the thought crossed his mind, his eyes swept the gym and there, at the opposite end of the room stood Mikasa and Eren and their gazes met. Eren smiled and Armin really didn't want to be here right now. They made their way over with hurried steps, as if they were rushing to welcome someone back from an especially long business trip. "Hey," was all the boy said when they finally reached him. Mikasa offered a small wave and Armin an equally small smile. "Hi."

He then looked them up and down, seeing what they were wearing and, if he was brutally honest, to see if he was underdressed. Mikasa was wearing a thigh-length burgundy dress, finally ditching the old scarf Eren had given her for her birthday for one second. It was strapless and decorated at the collar and along the skirt with beautiful shimmering silver sparkles. His eyes flitted to Eren next and he swallowed the growing lump in his throat. He wasn't dressed particularly glamorously, at least not for prom, but the tux he wore fit him in a way that had Armin blushing intensely. He felt like his words were choking him, but cleared his throat and managed to say, "You — you guys look nice."

They both grinned. "Thanks," Mikasa said, opening her mouth as if to say something more, but Eren cut her off. "You clean up nice yourself."

Armin blushed and squirmed self-consciously, twisting the hem of his suit jacket between his fingers. "Th-thanks."

They talked for awhile, about random things. How long Armin had been there, if he had a date, what they were going to do for the rest of their lives, things like that. They managed to find somewhere to sit and gladly did, resting their already exhausted feet for a moment. Someone cleared their throat and the three looked to see Annie Leonhart, possibly the school's biggest badass, stood there blushing like a rose. She glanced at Mikasa, her face almost angry before turning away. "Do you wanna dance with me?" she asked bluntly and for a moment Armin didn't know to whom she was talking. He felt his stomach twist at the thought of her possibly asking Eren. But where her eyes then focused made everything clear. Mikasa's face went from mild surprise to her usual calm self. "Alright," she said smoothly, almost sassily, but Armin could tell there was something else behind her tone. Something like nervousness that she was desperately trying to push down.

Looking out at the crowd, Armin realized that maybe this whole fear over a stupid crush was just paranoia. He saw a number of couples who didn't seem to give a damn about whether they were seen as "normal" or not. Ymir and Christa, Jean and Marco, Reiner and Bertholdt, Levi and Erwin. Well, Levi seemed to be dancing with anyone who asked, but still. And now Mikasa and Annie.

He cast a sideways glance at Eren, who seemed to be watching his adopted sister with a tiny smile on his face. Maybe it was time. Maybe he should finally face the two biggest fears in his teenage life thus far: honesty and rejection.

His lips quivered, the words aching to be spoken, but not quite being able to form on his tongue. He thought of ways to go about it, hoping that maybe one way might be easier than the next. They were all equally terrifying. 

Armin had just begun to consider what he was going to say, his face flushing and heart pounding furiously in his chest, when Eren turned to face him. "Dance with me, Min?"

He did a mental double-take. "Wh-What?" he asked though he'd heard him quite well. "Dance with me?"

There was a strange look in Eren's eyes — a spark of hope and maybe fear and maybe nerves combined into one. Armin felt about ready to burst into flames, he was blushing so profusely, but somehow his head was nodding even though he didn't really know how to dance. Eren smiled and held out his hand with a bow, which the blond took hesitantly. If it were another situation, he might've laughed at the cheesy gesture, but he couldn't bring himself to. His world was spinning around him and he was sure the punch wasn't spiked. He led him to the dance floor where a relatively upbeat song was blasting from the speakers. Eren began doing some type of movement that resembled dance and though he wasn't the best, he wasn't bad either. Armin just did some stupid movement with his arms and legs, but judging by the smile on Eren's face, he must've been doing something right.

The songs continued and eventually a slow song was bound to play. Armin had been dreading that moment and had been planning his best escape route for when it happened. So when the track switched to a far slower one, Armin turned to leave. A hand clasped his wrist and he turned back to face Eren who was giving him an almost pleading look. "Please?" was all he said and Armin just stared. This was a song you danced to with your date. It was a song you danced to with your arms wrapped around someone else. It was a song you danced to and finally kissed the person you've wanted to for years. This was not a song for best friends, especially not when half was falling quickly in love with the other.

But still, Armin found himself staying, drifting closer to Eren, his cheeks ablaze as the boy's hands met his hips. He put his own hands on Eren's shoulders, trying to ignore the touch, the eye contact, and the proximity. But he failed for all three.

His skin burned where Eren's fingers brushed and he wondered if this was what it felt like to be in love. His head spun as they did, moving softly, gently, like a breeze in the summertime. It was then that Armin's mouth got a mind of its own.

"I think I'm gay," he said bluntly and immediately he panicked, his heart stopping before starting again at a million miles per hour. Eren just grinned. "Good."

And then they were kissing and Armin's heart leapt into his throat, butterflies dancing the tango in his stomach. He felt suddenly faint, everything around him disappearing until there was nothing left to focus on except Eren and the way their lips fit together — like pieces of a puzzle. Armin's eyes slipped shut and he kissed back, gripping Eren's shoulders like he would fade away if he let go. Like this was all a dream. Time stopped and suddenly started again as he pulled away and Armin was left with a swelling happiness, but at the same time wanting more. He leaned their foreheads together and still he thought he was imagining this. It couldn't be real. He kept his eyes closed, fearing that when he opened them, he'd be in bed having just woke up from the best dream of his entire life.

"I guess I'm a little gay too," Eren said softly and Armin could help the giggle that escaped him. Now with an air of confidence, Armin replied, "I'm glad," before bringing their lips together once more.


	19. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers

The footsteps were soft at first, quick but quiet, as if someone was trying to sneak out of somewhere. Or, in this case, in somewhere. The cot was stiff and uncomfortable so, like every other night, sleep was elusive. The jingle of keys caused Eren to shift, his eyes already adjusted to the dim light of the cell. He turned to the silhouette through the bars, the familiar face outlined in the candlelight. His voice was husky and rough and he kept it at barely above a whisper. "Armin?" he asked once the figure had ventured into his lonely prison. "Sorry," came the gentle voice Eren was expecting. "I didn't mean to wake you. I was just worried."

Eren leaned back on his cot, more at ease now that the identity of the stranger wasn't so strange. "What about?"

The boy walked closer to him, his feet shuffling along the floor, until he was at his bedside. "How are you?" he asked, avoiding Eren's question. "It seems awfully lonely down here."

He nodded in the dark. "It can be sometimes. But it's fine. I'm fine."

He saw Armin smile before he took a seat on the edge of the cot, his face becoming suddenly serious. "I couldn't sleep."

Eren sat up, his eyes watching the shadows of Armin's face in the pale glow of the candles. He didn't respond, hoping the blond would just start talking. His mouth twitched, as if he knew what he wanted to say, but not the right way to say it. Still Eren waited, his heart beating softly in his chest. "I'm worried about you," Armin finally spoke. "This whole titan thing has people turning against you. They keep you down here like a prisoner. Like your some kind of—"

"Monster," Eren finished for him. Armin turned to face him then, eyes drowned in worry and something he couldn't quite place. Eren looked away, feeling his stomach shift uncomfortably. "Eren," Armin muttered, but he didn't look at him. "You're not a monster."

Finally green eyes met blue and Eren shattered. "What are we doing here, Armin?" he asked, but the boy said nothing. "What am **_I_** doing here? Everyone thinks I'm the one who can save the world, but I'm not. I'm just as useless as I ever was."

"Eren."

"Mikasa, Levi, they're the ones humanity should depend on. Not me. All I do is just stand by and watch as everyone I know gets eaten alive. One by one."

A tear fell from his eyes, hot and burning as it rolled down his cheek. "If I wasn't there for them how can I be there for anyone else?"

A warm hand settled over his own and he looked back at his friend, not caring what he thought when he saw the tears welling in his eyes. But Armin didn't laugh, didn't make fun of him, didn't call him weak. He just gave him that tiny smile he had reserved just for him and squeezed his hand a bit harder. "You're not useless, Eren. Who sealed the hole in the wall when Trost needed to be saved? You did. Who protected the cadets as they escaped? _You_ did. Capturing the female titan, fighting Reiner and Bertholdt, all of it was you. We need you, Eren."

He leaned closer, tears spilling from the oceans that restrained them. A moment passed as he appeared to be struggling for his next words, grasping desperately at them in the hopes of forming a logical sentence. "Eren," he began, his voice quivering. "What'll happen if Heichou decides you can't control your powers?"

It sounded like more of a statement than a question. "At your trial...."

Armin's voice broke and he let out a quiet sob, trying to keep himself together. "They said...if you couldn't control it...."

He couldn't speak. Eren pulled him into his arms, gripping tightly. Armin's hands came up to return the embrace, his fingers digging into the back of Eren's shirt. He was trembling. "It's okay," he whispered, stroking Armin's hair. "It's going to be okay. I'll be able to control it."

Armin pulled his face away and looked at him, anxiety flooding his eyes. "But what about those times it didn't work? What if we're on a mission and you can't do anything? You know pretty much everyone's afraid of you because they don't understand — they'll find any excuse to get rid of you. They can't take you away from me," the last sentence was mumbled, more of a muffled sob into Eren's shoulder, but he heard it all the same. "They won't. I won't let them."

Eren pulled back, staring at Armin and taking his face in his hands. "I'll learn to control it. And I won't let anything stop me."

The promise was solemn and absolute, his thumb grazing the boy's skin as he wiped away his tears. Armin sniffled, trying to calm himself and steady his breathing. Something in the atmosphere changed, like an alarm had just gone off in Eren's brain. He stopped his movements and their eyes locked, emotions flowing freely between them, like messages that were desperate to be sent but could never make it through. And for the first time, Eren thought he could make out one of those messages in Armin's gaze and found his own dropping to his lips. They quivered as Eren watched, a tongue darting out quickly to wet them. Looking back into Armin's eyes, the thoughts and feelings had come together once more, like strings, into a mess of tangled webs he couldn't understand. So he decided he was tired of trying to understand. He was tired of thinking. So he let himself lean forward and press their lips together. He stayed like that for a few moments, everything still in the dingy air of the underground prison. When Eren broke the kiss, Armin looked surprised, his face seemingly coated in a thick layer of red dust. But he didn't move, didn't speak, only stared into Eren's eyes with the same unblinking look on his face. There was no sting of rejection, but perhaps what might have been a possible invitation in his eyes. So Eren found his lips again, pressing forwards with more confidence, more certainty. His hand found the feathers of Armin's hair, weaving it between his fingers and bringing him impossibly closer. The blond gripped his shoulders, a hand wrapped around his neck, his lips moving against his own. Tongues collided as they kissed each other like they would never again see the light of day. But for all they knew, maybe that would be the case.

Hearts raced and pounded deafeningly in their chests as hands wandered, memorizing every inch of skin that burned beneath their fingers. Lungs were on fire and soon they had to break away to breathe, their soft pants mixing between them. Eren kept his grip on Armin as if he wasn't sure this was reality. They stared, a combination of surprise and passion burning in their eyes. Eren pulled him into his arms again, holding him tight and falling back onto his cot. "Stay," he breathed, Armin's face pressed into his shoulder. He didn't say anything. He simply brought his arms up to wrap around Eren's middle and returned the gentle pressure.


	20. Knights and Princesses

It was summer and the skies were yellow, the world taking a moment to enjoy itself before locking down again for the next winter. Summers meant one thing for Eren — baths. And that meant time to spend with his best friend. Being four years of age, Eren was not yet exposed to the boundaries that would be later recognized in his life. What personal space was, the fact that not _**everyone**_ wanted to be your friend, what was and wasn't considered normal. But the innocence and ignorance of youth, as it often does, poured its bliss and happiness all over the young boy. He didn't have a care in the world.

The only things he really cared about were his parents and his best friend, Armin. Armin lived just down the street and they often visited each other's houses to play. You never saw one without the other. It was like they were joined at the hip. Parents and other onlookers would smile as they ran past, recognizing the purity of love and hoping it would last through everything else. Eren however, still four years old, didn't know what love was. He loved his parents, surely, but he didn't fully recognize the connection he had with Armin. The boy was his only friend, anything he'd ever known, so anything they did was normal. It was just how friends were. So in the following years when he would go to school and meet new people, he would begin to realize that the bond he shared with Armin didn't fit under that category of "normal" as others said it was supposed to be.

But hidden from the opinions of others, oblivious to the guidelines people would later expect him to follow religiously, Eren nagged his mom to let Armin over so they could have a bath together.

Carla, Eren's mother, always let the blond come over. She told him he was always welcome and could visit any time he liked. But still Eren always asked. And she always said yes.

She didn't want to spoil the joys of her son's youth, so she didn't stop the bathing. She knew one day they wouldn't want to do something like that together, but figured they could reach that decision on their own. But for now, they were just kids and didn't need to worry about that just yet.

Carla made a call to the Arlert residence, explaining the situation to Armin's mother, as per usual in the summer. One word and Armin was over in minutes, a timid smile on his face. Eren waved from his place behind his mother and the boys ran off while Carla invited Armin's mother in to talk over a cup of tea. Eren had learned how to turn on the water himself since he spent so much time in the tub and didn't hesitate to pull the handle, watching the water gush from the faucet. Armin watched the bath slowly fill, the steam and warmth from the water rising in the air and filling the limited space between them. He had already begun to pull off his shoes, peeling off his socks along with them. Eren slipped his shirt over his head, throwing it blindly on the floor. As the amount of water increased, the amount of clothes did the opposite. Shirts, shorts, underwear, until they stood naked in the bathroom and the tub was full. After turning the faucet the opposite way, the boys climbed in, settling into the warm water and feeling it stir gently around them. Eren grabbed his rubber ducks and toy boat from next to the tub, dropping each item into the water. "What do you wanna play?" Eren asked his friend who furrowed his brow. "I dunno. Knights and dragons?"

Eren smiled, grabbing a nearby duck. "Okay."

He put on what he thought was a brave face, but it didn't appear that way because Armin giggled as he put a fist to his chest. "I, Eren Jaeger, the brave dragon slayer have come to rescue —" he cut off, looking to the blond. "Will you be my princess?"

"Why do I have to be the princess?"

Eren took a moment then. It was the first drops of youth beginning to slip away. He didn't know why Armin had to be his princess, in all honesty. "Uh, well . . . every knight has a princess. And he has to like her because he's saving her all the time. And I like you, so . . . ," Eren shrugged, leaving the sentence hang; like a noose for the line between friendship and something more. But Armin seemed satisfied with his response and gave him a gentle nod to signal his continuation. Eren gave him a quick smile before putting on his "brave" face again. "I, Eren Jaeger, the brave dragon slayer have come to rescue the beautiful Princess Armin" — the blond giggled at that — "from the terrible beast that has taken him!"

Armin became the best damsel in distress he could muster. "Oh save me, brave knight! Save me from the dragon!"

He raised his arm out of the soapy water, the bubbles running down his skin. "Don't worry, princess!" he exclaimed. "I'll save you!"

Eren jabbed his fist at one of his rubber ducks, making triumphant sounds as he repeatedly attacked the bird. When the duck had floated away from Armin, he cried out in victory, basking in the imaginary glory. "The dragon is dead!"

Armin laughed. "You saved me, Eren!" he smiled, tucking a strand of blond hair behind his ear. "I must give you something in return."

"It's alright, princess. I don't need anything in return for my bravery," he said, striking another knightley pose. Armin giggled before leaning forward and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Eren's face fell into one of surprise as Armin pulled away, his cheeks beginning to darken. "Thank you, brave knight."

Eren gave a sheepish smile and together they continued to giggle and pretend in the confines of the bathtub while friendship and romance began to blur into one.


	21. Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers

It was a humid summer night and Armin couldn't sleep. He'd tossed and turned, maybe caught the occasional glimpse of a dream or nightmare before coming back to consciousness. But it was too hot and his sheets were too sticky with the humidity and sleep was running away from him at a considerably fast pace. His mind had been turning as much as his body had, flipping from one subject to another, like some movie he didn't want to be watching. Flashbacks, memories, everything that isn't helpful when trying to fall asleep. 

But Armin's mind kept straying back to one topic in particular. One that was swarming with questions. This happened every night. His stomach would churn with worry and his heart would reach out in the dark for something he hadn't named. If he put too much thought into it, he knew he probably wouldn't like what he found and decided it was safer to ignore it. You couldn't get distracted by something you didn't know was there.

But it was times like these, when his mind wasn't occupied by a mission or a conversation that it often returned to that unknown something that made his heart flutter. It was bittersweet — an unbearable mix of happiness and pain that was overwhelming when he focused on it. Amin had felt this way for awhile. But still, he tried to escape it.

He turned over in his false sleep, as if maybe when he turned his back on it, it would disappear. But the worry returned and anxiety squeezed at his heart until he was opening his eyes and getting out of bed. He didn't think about where he was going, but his feet led him down the castle's corridors and down the stairs, the cool stone a relief from the seemingly endless heat. The gentle torchlight illuminated the iron of the cell bars and the curve of a shoulder under the sheets. 

Amin was suddenly struck by the stupidity of this idea. It was late, he was probably asleep. He stirred before shuffling over to his other side and Armin took a moment of silent admiration. He traced every feature of his face in the torchlight. His chestnut hair, the lashes that hid emerald green eyes, the soft curve of his mouth. Armin shifted his weight, gripping the iron bars that kept them apart. Why did they have to keep him down here? Locking him up like some animal? 

But Armin knew the answer to that. They were just afraid of him. Though Armin wanted to tell them they were wrong, that he'd known his friend his entire life and knew he wasn't what they should be scared of, he couldn't. He understood why the fear existed and it was completely rational. It just wasn't necessary.

He let out a gentle sigh, turning to leave, his feet scuffling gently against the stone floor. "Armin?" a husky voice called out and the blond turned back to the cell. He gave a soft smile, taking a step closer, the keys jingling quietly in his hand. "Hey, Eren," he greeted softly. He didn't know why he was speaking so quietly — everyone was upstairs, probably fast asleep. He sat up, rubbing idly at his face. "What are you doing here?"

Armin blushed, that same old feeling burning in his chest. He honestly had no idea why he was here. It was his lack of sleep and his thoughts; his clenching heart and wandering feet. That's why he was here. But his mouth moved for him and he said, "I wanted to see you."

The brunet didn't respond and Armin brought the key up to the lock on the door. He swung it open and cringed at the not so quiet creak, not bothering to close it behind him. He walked over to the flimsy cot Eren called a bed and sat beside him, his eyes downcast. He didn't know what to say. There wasn't much to say. So he sat in silence before his erratic brain came up with something. "How've you been holding up?"

He wasn't sure what he meant. There were so many things going on, so much that had happened to them, that he didn't know what he was referring to. Maybe Eren's kidnapping, maybe Hannes' death; either way, Eren bit his lip and Armin knew it wasn't good. "Fine."

He wanted to say something, something that would calm the twisting of his heart at the look on Eren's face. "Eren."

"I'm fine," he said a bit harsher, meeting the blond's gaze. Armin visibly recoiled and cursed himself for letting his friend's words affect him so much. Eren's face softened and he turned away again. "Sorry," he mumbled. Armin took his hand, feeling the stickiness between their skin. Eren glanced at their hands and back at Armin, like the touch was new and surprising. And it sort of was. They would hold hands all the time when they were younger — any brush of fingers or thighs completely normal for them. But now they were older and so much had changed and now the boundaries between normal and abnormal weren't so blurred. But here, alone in a dungeon cell, the line didn't matter. "You don't...," he began, unsure of where he planned to go with this conversation. "You don't think it's your fault...."

He saw Eren tense and his heart twisted. "Do you?"

"I don't think what's my fault? My mother's death or Hannes'?" he replied bitterly and Armin's grip on his hand tightened. "Eren...."

"Armin, don't," he said, softer this time, returning the squeeze of his fingers. "Just...don't."

"But Eren —"

"Armin."

Ocean blue stared into emerald green before he let out a sigh of defeat. If Eren didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to talk. That was that. He bit his lip and turned away, still holding onto the boy's hand like it was the only thing keeping him sane. And in a way, it was.

"Eren, I...," he mumbled, feeling tears beginning to form in his eyes. He was overwhelmed, upset, there were so many things shooting through his mind, he couldn't stop to identify them. He just felt _**awful**_. Why was a complicated question.

"I'm so sorry...," he finally spoke again, feeling the added warmth of tears to the humidity already weighing on his skin. "For everything...." 

"Armin...." 

He sniffled, trying not to seem weak in front of Eren. He'd done that so many times before, he didn't need another one added to the list. "Armin, look at me." 

The blond wiped at his eyes before shamefully raising his face to look at Eren and what he saw in his eyes only made him feel worse. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing you should be apologizing for." 

"But I'm just a burden. I c-can't do anything right. You would be better off without me." 

"Armin," Eren said strongly, taking him by the shoulders. "Don't say that. It's not true." 

"Eren, you _ **died**_ because of me! I-If I was quicker, I could've gotten to you before...!" he cut off, the memory of that day overwhelming him. That was the worst day of his entire life and remembering it wasn't something he enjoyed. "Armin, if you had saved me, I wouldn't have found out about my powers!" 

He had a point. But Armin ignored it as he chased the shadows dancing across Eren's face. "And that's the reason you're in here! They lock you up like a prisoner because of what you can do! You shouldn't be down here, you should be upstairs in a normal bed like the rest of us! How they treat you is unfair!" 

"Armin, you know it has to be this way! Nothing's normal anymore! My powers are unpredictable, we both know that, they're making sure everyone stays safe." 

"It's all my fault...none of this would've happened if I...," 

"Armin." 

"It would've been better if I didn't try to be the hero...." 

"Armin." 

"I should've killed myself while I had the ch-chance...." 

"Armin!" 

He stopped his rant and looked into pools of green, a fire there that he hadn't seen in awhile. Hands cupped his cheeks and wiped away his tears before Eren rushed forwards, taking Armin's lips in his own. The feeling exploded in his chest, though this time it was more certain, less of a blurred mix of too many things to distinguish. He found himself kissing him back with as much passion, his fingers coming up to tangle in Eren's chocolate hair. Lips slid against each other, tongues colliding, moans and whimpers slipping from between their sealed mouths. Fire burned in Armin's lungs and they broke away, panting heavily, an air of disbelief and questioning of reality settling upon them. But then Eren broke the heavy silence. "Never talk about yourself that way, you hear me? You are so much more than you think. You aren't weak, you're not a burden." 

He pressed their foreheads together, his fingers brushing against Armin's jaw. "In fact, you're the strongest person I know. Mikasa has her physical strength, but you...you're strong in a different way." 

Armin saw him lick his lips and couldn't help following the motion. "What you went through as a kid...what you've seen...everything that's happened to you, plus the fact that you put yourself down all the time...I know it's hard for you." 

Armin gripped Eren's shirt, unsure that this was actually happening. "But you keep fighting. You always do. No matter how hard it gets or what people say, you keep fighting. And somehow, through it all, you stay focused and use that amazing brain of yours to help thousands of people. You're incredible, Armin." 

He pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. "Never forget that." 


	22. Gay Chicken

Days off were hard to come by for the 104th cadet corps. Keith Shadis was a strict man and believed relentless training was the key to a great soldier. Though his pupils begged to differ. Every night they went to bed sore and aching, hoping to catch a few hours of sleep before getting up early to do it all over again. But as seemingly heartless as their instructor was, even he knew the absolute misery the cadets were going through and occasionally lost his usual tough-skinned exterior. Although rather sparingly, he would grant them a day to relax from the constant, rigorous training. Human bodies just weren't supposed to be worked as hard as they were on a regular basis.

So when a day like that came around, the cadets would relish in the rest they never received, allowing themselves to go to places not filled with pain and suffering. No training, no titans, no problems. They would catch up with people they never got the chance to talk to outside of meals or spend their time enjoying the sunshine. They'd remember happier times and old friends.

But for Armin, this particular day off had been so far uneventful. He'd chatted briefly with a few familiar faces, but more or less kept to himself. He had been trying especially hard the past month, hoping that maybe the more effort he put in, the stronger he'd get, but it didn't seem to be working. In fact, it left him even more bruised and battered than usual. His muscles had burned, his joints had ached, and he just needed a break from it all. A little time to relax, maybe read a book. Armin hadn't gotten the chance to read a book in a long time and the lack of words typed on parchment had made him even more tense.

When he entered the barracks, he found he was alone. Everyone else was outside or in the lunch hall, anywhere that didn't feel so much like a prison. He let out a gentle sigh, hissing as he lowered himself onto his bunk. He grabbed a nearby book, thumbing the pages and smiling softly at the feel of the paper on his skin. He opened to where he left off and began to read, delving deep into the story. He didn't notice someone come in until he heard a voice say, "Armin!" and he raised his head. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" his best friend said, plopping down beside the blonde. "Eren, what are you doing here? Why aren't you spending time with Mikasa or something?" he asked, his voice coming out more bitter than he intended. He saw something flash in Eren's eyes, but it disappeared so fast he wasn't sure he had seen it. "I haven't really seen you since we became cadets. I wanted to spend some quality time with my bestie," he said, ruffling Armin's hair gently and the boy couldn't help but giggle. It was always incredible to see just how much Eren could change on days off. He was always training as hard as he could to protect the world from the titans. Probably harder than anyone else. Many people were intimidated, maybe even scared, of him, knowing only his seriousness or his anger. But Armin knew the other side of him. The one that knew how to let go on a day off. The one who became his best friend. The one he . . .

Armin felt his pulse quicken and he bit his lip, fidgeting nervously with the book in his lap. "Well, what do you consider quality time?" he asked and the brunet shrugged. "I dunno. Wanna play a game?"

"What kind of game?"

Eren's green eyes darted around the room, as if the possibilities were scrawled across the walls and he was trying to figure out which would be the best. He smirked and Armin suddenly didn't like where this was going. "What about gay chicken?"

"G-Gay chicken?" Armin stuttered, blushing despite not knowing what the game was. The word 'gay' was enough to make him nervous. "You know, when two guys just . . . do stuff . . . ."

"D-Do stuff?"

"Like . . . they might hold hands or get close or lean in for a kiss and the first one to chicken out loses," he explained, his gaze making Armin squirm uncomfortably. "What do you say?"

"Um...."

If he was honest with himself, Armin didn't think he'd mind this game at all. In fact, he thought he'd be quite good at it. But Eren didn't know the secrets of his likely skill at gay chicken and frankly, he wanted to keep it that way. But when Eren was looking at him like that, Armin's brain turned to mush and the words got locked in his throat. It was a bad idea, but Armin was intrigued to say the least. So he found himself nodding nervously.

Eren shifted on the mattress, turning more towards his best friend. "Uh . . . ."

"Do we just . . . ?"

"I guess . . . ."

Armin gulped. Eren seemed a bit nervous and that was kind of reassuring but also incredibly terrifying. It took a lot to make Eren uneasy. Their fingers brushed, wrapping around each other and clasping their hands together. They'd done that dozens of times before, when they were younger, so neither boy was uncomfortable yet. "You're goin' down, Min," Eren smirked, his other hand running along Armin's side. His breath hitched. He wouldn't let Eren win. He wasn't a chicken. He was a cadet of the 104th corps and he'd been through much worse than a stupid match of gay chicken. But it was Eren and fingers were ghosting his jaw. Armin brought his hand up to run across Eren's chest, determined not to let the boy get to him first. His lips trembled as he got closer, his other hand on the brunet's thigh. His breath quickened as he got even closer, Eren's fingers busy unlatching the first button of his shirt. He was so close, he could see the light freckles dotted sparsely across Eren's cheeks, the different shades of green and blue in his eyes.

Eren brushed their noses together before leaning his head to the side, pushing Armin's hair out of the way. He placed a gentle kiss behind his ear and Armin let out an almost inaudible gasp. Eren nibbled gently on his earlobe and the blond had to repress a whimper. He leaned in to Eren once he stopped, kissing his cheeks softly, his tongue darting out briefly to run across tanned skin. He undid another button, exposing Armin's collarbone before pulling away and pressing his lips to his jaw. Armin's hands found their way to his back, his nails scraping gently at the skin under the fabric. He felt Eren's tongue run down his neck, occasionally with the soft glide of his teeth. He tipped his head back to give the brunet more room, trying desperately to remind himself that this was a game. He planted a kiss to his collarbone before coming back up, tangling his fingers in blond hair and leaning their foreheads together. A minor game of chicken ensued — Eren would lean closer, but pull away before their lips touched, then Armin would do the same.

Armin's skin was burning and he wasn't sure he wanted the game to end. He inched closer, but this time held his ground, their lips brushing ever so slightly, and he felt a shiver run down his spine. Then, there was more contact until their lips met and Armin wasn't sure who had initiated the kiss. His eyes fluttered shut and he kissed Eren gently. They separated before coming back together, the kisses getting longer and more certain each time. Armin's fingers slipped under the hem of his shirt, running along the skin, his other hand wrapped around the back of his neck to pull him closer. Eren kissed him harder and he was finding it extremely hard not to let out a noise. Their lips slid together with a growing passion. Things became quicker. Heavier.

Eren's tongue was running along Armin's bottom lip and he was giving him entrance, gasping into his mouth, hands wandering shamelessly over one another. Armin tugged at the hem of Eren's shirt and he disconnected only for a moment to lift it over his head before coming back to kiss him again, pushing him back into the mattress. Part of him wanted to pull away to look at him, but another part wanted to keep kissing and figured touch was enough to go on. He felt all the buttons on his shirt come undone and then his shirt was off and thrown somewhere to the side. Armin couldn't stop the moan that slipped from his mouth into Eren's and felt the boy grin into the kiss. "E-Eren...," he gasped. He leaned down to kiss Armin's neck again and the blond whimpered when their bodies pressed together. He could hear his pulse in his ears and gripped Eren's hair when he returned to place another kiss on his lips. He pulled away and Armin tried to follow after, searching blindly for his lips again, but opened his eyes when he didn't find them. He let his head fall back onto the mattress and met Eren's eyes. The boy grinned. "I guess we both won," he giggled and Armin gave a lopsided smirk before pulling them back together. "Shut up," he breathed, kissing him again.


	23. Drunk

Eren staggered in the dark, his breath coming out in frozen puffs in the crisp October air. He tightened his grip on his best friend's waist, trying to keep the boy on his feet. Damn horseface had to force him to drink, didn't he? Armin hadn't even wanted to go to the party in the first place. He went in the most hesitant, but he left the most wasted. Maybe it was his nerves that made him listen when Jean tried to pressure him to push himself. _One more! One more!_

Eren scoffed, anger swirling in his stomach. It was Jean's fault Armin was like this, giggling and unstable on his feet. If Eren had had more than just a beer, he would've had no way to get home. He probably would've tried to walk, since he lived a block down, but would've been on the side of a rather busy street and Eren didn't want to think about what might've happened if he hadn't been there to help. Armin giggled and swayed, but Eren caught him before he fell. "Ereeennnn~" he groaned, grinning. "I wanna go hooome."

"I know, Min. We're almost there."

Eren heaved his friend towards the front door to his apartment and searched the blond's pockets for the keys. "Ooh, feisty~" Armin smirked when Eren finally found them in his back pocket. He ignored him, unlocking the door and dragging his friend inside. He dropped Armin on the couch and sighed, looking into his foggy blue eyes. "I'll get you some water," he said before heading off to get it and some aspirin. When he returned, Armin was waiting for him, running a hand through his messy blond hair. He sat down beside the blond and handed him the glass and the medicine. "Take this," he said gently, biting his lip at the look he received. He obeyed, downing the pills and a sip of water before turning back to the brunet. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

Armin giggled and reached out to him. Eren pulled him to his feet and led him to his bedroom, sitting him down on the mattress. He pulled off his shoes and began to undo his pants, trying to ignore the suggestive look Armin was giving him. He blushed, avoiding his eyes and pulling his pants off, throwing them in his hamper. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to Armin and the way he was acting was doing strange things to him. But he wasn't going to take advantage of him like this. 

"Eren...," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around the brunet and pulling him closer. "Touch me...."

"Armin, I can't."

"Why not? Come on, it's just one night...," he said, leaning closer. Eren was tempted to close the remaining space between them, but he could smell the alcohol on his breath and shook his head. "We can't do this. I can't take advantage of you."

He saw Armin's eyes water and he let him go, his gaze downcast, blond hair shadowing his face. "Armin?" he asked when he heard a soft sniffle and when the boy spoke, his voice was broken. "Eren . . . wh-why don't you l-love me?"

His breath hitched. "A-Am I not g-good enough f-f-for you? Is it L-Levi? Are you in-into him?"

He let out a sob and Eren sat down beside his best friend, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Armin, I'm not into Levi," he almost laughed, and he probably would've given different circumstances. Armin lifted his face, tear stains shimmering in the moonlight and Eren felt his heart break. "I'm into _**you**_ ," he said earnestly, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze, as if the touch would let him know he really meant it. Armin blinked, sniffling. "Wh-what?"

"I'm into you."

He gave a gentle smile. "Will you a-at least . . . st-stay with me?" the blond asked almost shyly. Eren smiled. "Of course."

They fell back into the mattress and Eren wrapped his arms around his best friend. Armin snuggled into his chest, sighing softly and relaxing under the boy's touch. "I l-love you, Eren. So much...."

Eren pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I love you too, Min," he whispered and they soon drifted off to sleep.


	24. Chapstick Challenge

Eren was a professional at disrupting Armin's peace. Not that he necessarily disliked it, since the brunet usually had something exciting to tell him or some adventure to take him on, but it came with some side effects. One of which was triggering a massive jumpscare that sent the blond flying and causing him to nearly fall on his face. So when Armin's constantly exuberant roommate burst through the door one uneventful Saturday afternoon, he almost jumped out of his skin. "Eren!" he cried, dropping the book he had been reading. The boy giggled. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"Well, you could've knocked before bursting in and screaming at me like it was fucking Armageddon," he said and Eren just laughed. It was then he noticed the plastic bag clutched in his hand. "What's that?" Armin asked, gesturing to it. Eren glanced down before returning his gaze back to his best friend, emerald eyes sparkling with sudden excitement. "Oh, yeah. So, you've heard of the chapstick challenge, right?"

Armin nodded his head hesitantly. He didn't really know much about the game, but he had heard a few people talk about it. "Well, I was going through my bathroom cabinet —"

"Why?"

"Mikasa says it's a fucking mess in there — not sure how she knows that. Anyways, I found a bunch of chapsticks," he exclaimed, pulling them from the bag and holding them out for Armin to see. "And I was thinking we could try it out."

Armin gave Eren a chary look but the brunet just smiled. "Come on, it'll be fun. And besides, what else are we gonna do?"

After a moment of thinking it over, the blond decided to give in. He couldn't resist when Eren had that expression on his face. "You have a point."

The brunet cheered in victory and Armin giggled at his friend's enthusiasm before he plopped down beside him on his bunk. "Okay, do you wanna go first?" Eren asked. "Hold up, I need a quick briefing."

Eren smiled almost sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's basically — the challenge is one person is blindfolded, or just has their eyes closed — either is fine, and the other puts some chapstick on their lips. And then . . . the other person has to guess . . . what flavor it is."

Armin suddenly remembered what this game was. He had heard stories of couples who gave it a shot just for the hell of it, and of people who finally got to make out with their crushes. His face was suddenly on fire. He could've said something — something that would point out to Eren that this didn't seem to him like something normal roommates would be doing over the weekend. But he didn't. He just gave a quick nod, his chest tightening and stomach somersaulting. "I don't have a blindfold," was the sentence that pulled Armin from his inner crisis, and he almost laughed. "Well, you said we could just close our eyes, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not as cool that way."

"Eren, to be honest, a blindfold seems a little kinky."

Armin felt his heart flutter at the brunet's laugh. "You're probably right."

"I'm always right."

"Of course you are."

The way emerald caught sapphire set the blond's cheeks on fire, palpitations painful in his chest. "Alright, do you wanna go first or should I?"

"Uh, I dunno, you I guess."

Eren reached into the bag and pulled out some chapsticks. "Close your eyes."

Armin complied and bit his lip in anticipation. It seemed as if all of his other senses were on edge — like he could hear a sound at the far end of the room and be able to pinpoint exactly where it came from. He could almost feel Eren's presence, his energy, radiating around him, encompassing him in a feeling of being sucked into a tidal wave. His entire world was spinning and nothing had even happened yet. But then he felt his best friend inch closer, warm hands settling on the sides of his face. "Alright, Arlert, pucker up," he joked and Armin was too taken aback to respond. This was actually happening.

A soft pair of lips collided with his own and he almost let out a squeak of surprise despite knowing it was going to happen. Eren's lips moved softly against his and his mind went suddenly blank. He began to kiss back gently, feeling a bit light-headed at the contact. But then reality slapped him in the face. This was a game. Eren was kissing him for a reason. And he was supposed to be focusing on guessing the flavor.

The brunet pulled away and Armin licked his lips, trying to gather any trace of the chapstick he could find. "I'm gonna say . . . mint? Peppermint?"

"You are correct, sir," Eren said, putting the used chapstick aside from the others. "That was a warm-up. I won't go easy on you from now on."

He searched through various different flavors before finally seeming to decide on one. "Oh, this is great. Okay, close your eyes."

His eyes were already closed and he puckered his lips slightly despite himself. He could almost feel Eren's mouth and he felt himself shiver. There was a moment of silence and Armin assumed Eren was applying the lip balm before a hand cupped his cheek and he was being kissed again. The second one was somehow better than the first. He was a bit more confident this time, moving his lips against Eren's with a bit more force. He couldn't tell what chapstick it was, so he kissed harder, hoping maybe he could get more of a taste. Thankfully, Eren recognized his dilemma and tentatively licked at his bottom lip, causing him to gasp. He parted his lips and ran his tongue along the seam of Eren's mouth and realized this was a much better way to figure it out. He pulled away and smiled triumphantly. "It was mango, wasn't it?"

"Two for two, nice. How are you so good at this game?"

Armin shrugged. "What can I say? I must have a sensitive palate."

"Sensitive palate, my ass. You just know how to kiss."

He blushed at the statement, suddenly at a lack for words. "Thanks?" he asked uncertainly and Eren chuckled. "This'll be the last one."

Armin let out an almost inaudible whine that Eren, much to the blond's humiliation, heard. He flushed profusely and Eren said, "Don't worry, we'll switch afterwards."

With that, he brought their lips together again and Armin didn't hesitate to lick Eren's bottom lip, even taking it between his own and sucking lightly. The groan Eren let out almost made his heart stop, but he focused on the taste rather than the way he was reacting. He readjusted and when he returned to further investigate the flavor, his tongue was met with another and he let out something between a whimper and a squeak. But he let Eren do whatever he wanted, in the process coming to a possible conclusion. Eren pulled away and Armin nearly whined at the loss of contact. "I'm gonna say . . . It tasted like sugar . . . but really weird sugar . . . was it cookie dough or something?"

"Cake but that's pretty fucking close."

Armin considered that a personal victory and felt himself relax a moment before the chapsticks were being pushed into his hands. "If I don't get the same score as you, I'm gonna punch myself in the face."

Armin giggled. "Don't do that, Eren, that's not good for you."

He looked through the various flavors of chapstick, finding one that was a relatively familiar taste. Eren had started with an easy one and so would he. Armin uncapped the lip balm and applied it to his mouth, watching Eren's face, his eyes already closed. His eyelashes brushed his cheeks ever so slightly, the soft curve of his smile seeming to draw Armin in. He had the incredible urge to kiss him, and so he did.

The blond took Eren's face in his hands, pressing their lips together softly. Eren kissed back and they began a slow and gentle rhythm and Armin melted. He liked kissing Eren and it felt more amazing than he had hoped. Not that he thought about it a lot or anything. 

He pulled away and Eren licked his lips for a second before looking at him and saying, "Cherry?"

Armin nodded and the brunet smiled, cheering 'yes' a little under his breath and the blond giggled. "Alright, Jaeger, close your eyes." he said and Eren immediately obeyed. Once he was ready, Armin leaned forward again, kissing him a bit harder. Eren didn't seem to mind, even opening his mouth and running his tongue along Armin's bottom lip. But then, just as the blond was about to take it a step further, Eren pulled away. "Is that coconut?"

"Right again."

Armin tried to find one that Eren wouldn't be able to guess. One that would let them keep kissing until he finally could. He found one that he thought might work and put it on before kissing him again. Eren let out a confused noise and Armin's stomach twisted. Maybe he wouldn't be able to guess it after all. Armin kissed him harder, feeling the familiar sweep of Eren's tongue against his bottom lip. But then he took it between his teeth, rolling slightly and Armin actually moaned. For a second he was embarrassed, but felt Eren smile, doing it again seemingly harder. Armin felt about ready to explode and out of instinct he pulled away. Eren licked his lips for a second, staring off into space. "Any guesses?" he asked nervously. "Hmmm. You know, I don't think I got a good taste of that one. Might have to try again," Eren said, trying and failing to hide his smirk. Armin giggled before kissing him again and Eren didn't hesitate to nibble on his bottom lip. He felt Eren's hands settle on his hips, his fingers gently slipping under his shirt and sending shivers down his spine. Armin tried to catch his breath and return the kiss at the same time, but it wasn't working very well. Something about the way fingers were tracing the curve of his back, the way Eren's tongue slipped past his lips and into his mouth, had him falling apart in a matter of moments. Armin moaned rather loudly, his body instinctively arching forwards into Eren to meet his touch.

The blond pulled away, a feeling of absolute mortification sinking low in his stomach. He flushed in embarrassment, his lips swollen from the kiss, expecting some sort of rejection from Eren. But the boy did no such thing. He just smirked and reconnected their lips, kissing him again. In response, Armin wrapped his arms around Eren's neck, trying desperately to keep up with the quick pace the boy's lips were setting. And then he was falling backwards onto the mattress, his fingers tangling in chocolate hair, every tiny moan and whimper being caught by Eren's mouth, his hips squirming as he became a little too excited. But suddenly Eren pulled away, a look of triumph on his face. "Was that caramel?" he asked and for a moment Armin was incredibly confused. Why had Eren stopped kissing him to ask such a ridiculous question? But then he remembered and managed a smile. "Yep, you got it," he breathed, still a bit dazed. He tried to hide his disappointment and sat up, stuffing the various chapsticks into the bag and ignoring emerald eyes. "I actually really liked that one," he said and Armin turned to face him. "Yeah?" he asked softly and Eren smirked. "Yeah,"

When their lips collided, Armin didn't dare hesitate. He kissed Eren back, his hands darting to his sides and gripping at his shirt. The brunet pushed him back on his bunk, swinging a leg over his hips and pinning his wrists to the mattress. Armin couldn't help letting out a soft moan, but it was muffled by Eren's mouth on his own. He lowered his kisses to the blond's neck and the boy bit his lip, trying desperately to keep quiet. "Eren...," he gasped and he continued licking and sucking down his neck and to his chest. Armin closed his eyes and thanked whatever deity he could think of for creating this challenge.


	25. Blind

Jean is fed up. He's tired of spending day after day having to listen to them constantly worry about each other. It's annoying. And incredibly painful to watch. The words and touches are more caring, they linger — it isn't normal by any means. And yet, they still are too blind to notice anything. 

Of course, Jean admits he wasn't too quick on it either, but that's because it takes a little longer for things to sink in for him. But it still did, and after a rather short time of knowing them too. But he'd first started hearing word of it from the beginning. Rumors started circulating and by the half year mark, the entire cadet corps was trying to help them out. Because they all saw what was going on and they needed something done about it. Whether that be to help them be happy together or to stop the gross pining from afar depended on the person.

So, when it's Jean's turn for the night shift and he's paired with Eren, he decides the time has come to give him a piece of his mind just like the others had. Of course, some had gone to Armin instead, seeing him as the more approachable of the two, but Eren had definitely been informed on numerous occasions. Jean just hopes that this time, he'll actually shut up and do something about it. 

The breeze ruffles his hair and he runs a hand through it, trying to calm it, as he lets a soft sigh float away. He glances at Eren, seeing his eyes trained on the horizon, watching for any sign of a titan. Jean knew there wouldn't be much to look at and had chosen to lean back and try to get some rest, but Eren apparently thought something was going to spring out and attack them at any given moment. But as focused as he is on the task at hand, Jean notices a stiffness about him. A quick gaze and cloudy eyes that tell him he must be thinking about something. "You're worried about him," he decides to say and sees Eren stiffen even more, his frown deepening. He doesn't say anything for a moment and Jean thinks he might be right. "Now's not the time for conversation, Kirschtein," he grumbles and Jean cracks a smile. He'd never been able to get to the suicidal bastard, but now he knew what made him tick. The one thing he could discuss that would make him annoyed, but not enough to throw a punch. Because deep down, Jean thinks, Eren knew he was right.

"There's nothing out here, why not pass the time with a little conversation?" he asks, folding his arms behind his head and stretching his back. He sees him roll his eyes, but he doesn't say anything, so Jean does for him. "Seriously, why are you so concerned? He's not a little kid — he can take care of himself,"

"I know that," he says a bit harshly and Jean loves how much this is getting to him. Maybe he's the only one who can finally talk some sense into the brunet. "Then stop worrying so much."

Eren once again falls silent and Jean is getting a bit frustrated. He thinks over what he can say for a moment before clearing his throat. "You know, right?"

"Know what?" he asks, but Jean thinks he knows what he's talking about. "That he's . . . y'know . . . into you."

Eren shifts, falling into a more vulnerable position and Jean has never seen him like this. "I've heard about it."

Jean chuckles, running a hand over his face. "So what do you think? Do you think it's true?"

"It doesn't matter what I think," he says almost immediately and Jean lets out a breath. "Defensive much?" he says under his breath and Eren turns to him, a fire burning in his eyes. "What does it matter to you, anyways, Kirschtein?" he spits and Jean just meets his gaze calmly. "I'm sick and tired of you guys," he says and sees Eren's face soften slightly. "You two are so fucking gone for each other it's ridiculous and the entire corps has lost their minds. It's the most obvious thing in the world and you still haven't seemed to notice something's up. It's disgusting. Just fucking grow a pair and kiss him, will you?"

Eren scoffs and turns away and Jean takes that as a personal victory. "Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Jaeger, when are you gonna stop denying it?"

He falls silent. "We both know you care about him, so why not just go for it?"

Jean doesn't know why he's being so bold with his accusations, but it seems to be working because Eren lets out a sigh. He puts his head in his hands and Jean is surprised that he might have actually gotten through to him. He chuckles. "So even you, huh?" he asks and Jean knows he's talking about the rumors. "Even your dense ass thinks something's up?"

He puts a hand on his chest in offense. "Excuse me," he says and sees Eren smile softly and thinks to himself this is strange for them. They've never really had a conversation that didn't escalate into a full-on fist fight. "Did you talk to him?" he asks and Jean feels suddenly a little self-conscious, but shakes it off. "Yeah. On a mission. He was worrying himself to death about you and I decided I needed to say something to get him to shut up," he says and again sees a shadow of a smile on Eren's face. "I've noticed it too," he says after awhile and Jean falls silent, listening to whatever he has to say. "I tried to deny it. We had always been that way, so I figured people were just being stupid. But then everyone started telling me and . . . ."

"And you realized that maybe they were right," Jean finishes for him and he sighs, looking up at the sky instead of at his shoes. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And what?"

"You think they're right?"

Eren pauses for a moment, fidgeting with his fingers. "Maybe," he mutters almost silently and Jean has never seen him like this. He thinks maybe what Eren is feeling is fear, so he decides to go down that path. "Have you said anything to him about it?"

He shakes his head softly. "No. I couldn't."

"Why not? If you think he likes you, what's the problem?"

"I . . . . What if he doesn't?"

Jean gives him a look even though he isn't looking at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he asks and when Eren turns to him he sees a raw fear there, a vulnerability he's never associated with him before that makes him wonder if this is really the same Eren he knows. "He's obsessed with you. Even when we first met, I didn't know what was going on, but I knew the way he acted around you was strange for a friend. Do you know how much he worries about you when you're not there? Have you noticed the times he stares at you when he doesn't think anyone's looking? He's head over heels for you."

He inhales sharply, turning away. "I don't want to say anything."

"Because you're afraid he won't feel the same —?"

"I didn't say I was afraid," he snaps, looking at him with anger before it fades back into fear. "I just . . . don't want it to change anything."

"It won't."

"You don't know that."

Jean shakes his head before shifting, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Jaeger, I'm gonna tell you something and you better listen to me."

Green eyes look to him, seeming almost blue in the dark. "Armin cares about you. And even though it's obvious he's in love with you, let's pretend he isn't for a second. Even if he just thought of you as a best friend, which he doesn't, he wouldn't stop talking to you if you brought up the rumors. Even if you confessed to him and he didn't feel the same, he'd still be your friend. Because he cares about you too damn much to let you go over something as stupid as that. Now, back to the reality where he wants you so much it's fucking killing him, if you bring it up, things are going to turn out okay. I don't know him nearly as well as you do, but I know that he's never going to say anything because he's too scared you'll reject him. So if you don't say anything, you're going to lose the chance of something amazing. I should know."

He suddenly swallows, turning his face, feeling green eyes burn into the side of his head. "There was someone who I had feelings for who I'm pretty sure liked me too. But I was too damn scared to say anything. And the very day I had gathered enough courage to confess, it was too late and they were gone. Now I'll never get the chance to say the things I never did." 

He looks at Eren with watery eyes, but finds he doesn't really care. "And goddamnit if that isn't the biggest regret of my life."

He subtly wipes his eyes before continuing. "Jaeger, I'm telling you, you have to do this before it's too late. Before you lose him forever or vice versa. Just talk to him, would you please? For everyone's sake, just fucking tell him. Don't end up like me."

Eren takes a moment to look at him and Jean thinks he might just be considering it. He's a bit more emotional than he thought he would be, but figures that's his own fault. But overall, he's pleased with what he's done.

~~~

A few days go by after that night and occasionally at lunch or dinner, Jean will glance over at where Eren sits with Armin and Mikasa to see his gaze on the blond, a considering gleam in his eyes. And one day, luckily Jean looks at the right time to catch Eren telling him something with a serious gaze and they're standing up to go outside. Jean smirks to himself, thinking he's finally done something right. He makes his way over to Mikasa, though it's more to give them both some time as she'll probably start to think Eren somehow got himself killed and would probably walk out to see them making out or something similar. But after awhile, she gets tired of him and stands up, moving to sit next to Sasha instead. Jean thinks that's better than checking on Eren and continues to eat his lunch in silent self-praise. 

It's probably a few weeks later when Jean decides to leave lunch early and he's walking back to the barracks when he vaguely thinks he hadn't seen either of them in the dining hall. He figures perhaps he just didn't notice or they were sitting somewhere else and silently opens the door to the barracks. He looks up and immediately wishes he hadn't as he sees chocolate hair and then blond underneath it, spread like a halo on the pillow of his bunk bed. They're kissing and though it's odd of him to be watching all this, he smiles to himself, proud of what he's done. But then he hears one of them make a soft noise of pleasure and sees Eren's hand reach to the button of Armin's pants, and he notices the blond is excited. He quickly covers his eyes and tries not to gag before backing quietly out of the barracks and shutting the door behind him. He feels a mix of pride that he had somehow convinced Eren to make a move and disgust at how much he had just seen. But once he's calmed down and taken a moment to try to erase the image of them from his mind, he realizes he can no longer go into the barracks unless he wants to interrupt them and sit there awkwardly, pretending to wonder why both of their pants look a bit too tight. So instead, he decides to head back to the dining hall, deciding he will never open a door without knocking ever again.


	26. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really spoilers but there are some names that might be revealed later on so maybe?

A spring breeze blows gently across the sparring grounds and Eren finds him standing alone, leaning against the railing of the porch. He doesn't particularly have anything to say, but his feet bring him forwards, ocean eyes glancing towards the source of the footsteps as if he's been startled before he relaxes. He gives a soft smile. "Hey, Eren," he says before turning back to the sky. Eren stands beside him, folding his arms and following his gaze. The clouds seemingly glow golden in the light of the setting sun, the sky itself an incredible mix of pink, orange, and red. Eren has always found sunsets to be beautiful and vaguely wonders why he hasn't taken the time to look at any recently. He looks over at his best friend and wonders the same thing.

His blond hair is shimmering in the gentle sunlight like gold laced in honey. It perfectly frames his face and when Eren looks he sees the constellation of light freckles across his nose, the soft curve of his smile, the ocean eyes sparkling in the fading light. Eren loves seeing Armin like this. When he isn't worrying about a mission or training, when it's just him and this eternal moment. When he loses himself in his own world whenever he observes the one around them in silent serenity. Blue meets green and Eren hurriedly turns away, feeling his face heat as he flushes in embarrassment and maybe something else. Armin doesn't say anything and though Eren isn't looking at him, he knows he's smiling gently the way he does when he's around. It's a smile that only he has ever seen and he isn't quite sure why he never thought about it much before. It's the one he thinks looks best on him. "It's nice," he speaks without meaning to. The blond meets his gaze with a slightly puzzled look and he clarifies, "The — sky."

Armin lets out a gentle sigh, looking back at the sun as it sets over the tops of the trees. "Yeah...," he breathes like he's distracted. Eren glances over him again before clearing his throat. "Armin...do you have feelings for anyone?"

Blue eyes fill with something he seems to recognize, but isn't sure how to name. The light blush that dusts his cheeks is stunning, but it might seem less so depending on how he answers. He smiles softly. "What?" he almost laughs and Eren hates how nervous he feels. "I was just...wondering. I thought maybe...."

Green eyes dart between blue. "You had feelings for Historia."

Armin giggles and Eren notes it sounds almost as if he's relieved. "Why would you think I like Historia?"

Eren shrugs because even he doesn't exactly know the answer to this question. Maybe it's because he's overheard the other cadets going on and on about how she's the most gorgeous person in the corps. Eren doesn't agree with them.

"I don't know. I guess she's just...turned your head a couple times."

He smiles and looks at the landscape again, letting a soft sigh fall to the railing and melt there. "No. Though I will admit she's really pretty, I don't like her anymore than a friend."

His heart skips a beat. He swallows nervously. "Do you...do you feel that way about anybody?" he asks and the blond hesitates, visibly stiffening before he replies, "Maybe I do."

Somehow Eren knows that actually means he does. His curiosity gets the better of him. "Who is it?"

Armin lets out a laugh. "Eren, what's up with you? Why do you want to know who I like?" he asks, but there's no bitterness in his voice. "Am I not allowed to know things about my best friend?" he replies with mock offense, though somewhere deep inside he feels a spark of fear. He giggles before falling silent, looking at the ground. "So who is it?"

He looks at him then and Eren gets the feeling he's not going to answer any of his questions, so he decides to guess. "Is it Mikasa?"

"No!" Armin laughs, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear and Eren's suddenly breathless. "No, it's not Mikasa."

"Annie?"

"No."

"You said it wasn't Historia.... How about Ymir?"

"No, Eren."

"Sasha?"

"No!" he laughs and Eren's heart suddenly stutters. Those were all the girls.

He scrunches up his nose in disgust. "Don't tell me it's horseface."

"Oh my god, no! Ew, no."

"Connie? Reiner?"

"No, Eren, I don't like any of them."

Things fall silent for a moment and Eren isn't sure what to say. He still isn't sure if his suspicions are correct, but the people in their friend circle are slowly dwindling and there's only a few options left. "And you aren't gonna tell me?"

He raises a finger to his lips and looks up at the clouds as if he's thinking it over. "I guess it depends."

Eren gives him a look, but he just laughs, picking idly at the fabric of his cuff. "What about you, Eren?" he asks innocently, but it hits him like a tidal wave. Armin turns to him with that smile on his face, his eyes glowing with something he knows he's seen before. "Do you have feelings for anyone?"

He feels his heart flip and he averts his gaze. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"And I'm assuming you won't tell me who it is either."

Eren gives him a playful shove and he giggles, steadying himself on his feet. "Alright, well can you at least describe them? What about them made you start liking them?" he tries, leaning on the railing beside the blond. He bites his lip as if considering where to start. "Well, they're probably the kindest person I know. I guess ever since the first time we met, I've always felt something towards them, as cheesy as that sounds. But I don't think it was actual romantic love until later. At first, it was just platonic love, but as time went on, I realized it was much more than that. They've always treated me like I meant something and that really got to me. Even if I felt I was a burden, even if I felt weak, they always went out of their way to make me feel special. It was sweet."

Eren glances at the blond to see a smile there that he wants to see for the rest of his life. "I admire them. They're brave, strong, a great leader too. I don't think they realize how incredible they actually are, but to me...they're perfect."

He isn't sure what he's feeling. Part of him is anxious and giddy with a sort of sheer, unadulterated hope he didn't know he possessed. But another part of him is terrified that he's reading things wrong and his entire world is about to fall apart on top of him. "What about you? Why's this person so special to you?" Armin asks and Eren blinks. "I guess...they just...get me. They're amazing. Not to mention how incredibly attractive they are too."

Armin giggles and Eren smiles softly to himself before he continues. "They listen to me when I need to get something off my chest and calm me down if I ever get out of control. They're kind, caring, smart — incredibly brave even though they don't think so. They mean a lot to me. I want to see them happy. A smile, a laugh, anything and my day is a little bit brighter. They give me something worth living for."

He sees Armin's brow furrow ever so slightly, his face falling. If Eren didn't know him so well, he probably wouldn't have noticed. "You...don't have anything else to live for?"

Eren shifts uncomfortably. "I...nothing's as important to me as they are. No matter how obsessed I seem with killing the titans, in the end, it's all because I want them to be safe. I want them to live in a world where they don't have to be afraid."

"This person really means a lot to you," he mutters partially to himself. "Yeah. They do."

Armin swallows. "Is it Mikasa?"

"Oh, you're doing this to me now?" he asks with a grin and Armin shoves him playfully. He laughs. "No, it's not Mikasa."

"Let me guess, Historia?" he asks with a look and Eren shakes his head, his heart seeming to beat faster with every eliminated possibility. They cross out the girls and move on to the guys and Eren feels his heart might actually explode. "Jean?"

"Ew, no, not that stupid horseface."

"Heichou?"

"No. Why would I like Heichou? He knocked my tooth out! Plus, he's twice my age."

Armin giggles, muttering 'true' under his breath. Eren realizes they're both near the end of the line. There aren't many people left and Eren's anxiety level is through the roof. "Who is it then?"

Eren shakes his head, not because he doesn't want to tell, more because he's too scared of what will happen if he does. "No way. I won't say until you do."

"Well, I'm not telling until you do, either," the blond counters, crossing his arms across his chest. Eren takes a step closer. "I said it first, so you have to tell me," he says and Armin scoffs, but he's smiling. "That's not fair!" he says and Eren isn't sure when he got so close. "Well, what do you want me to do?" he asks almost rhetorically, finding himself in the blond's personal space, but neither of them comment on it. "I don't know! You won't tell me — can you show me? Can you write it down or point them out or something?"

He blinks. "You want me to show you?"

Somewhere in his heart, the pang of fear intensifies, trying to convince him to just walk away. But they're so close and Eren can smell Armin's scent. He can see the blush on his cheeks and it's even more beautiful up close. He notices the quickened breathing that's so soft, it's almost inaudible. Everything is pointing him this way, he might as well go for it. "Yeah."

Eren isn't sure what drives him forward, but the next moment, his lips are pressed to Armin's. The blond seems surprised, unmoving, and suddenly Eren's afraid he's messed up. But then soft lips are moving gently against his and he lets himself relax. They break away only to come back again and when they finally separate to breathe, Eren smirks. "Alright, I showed you. Now you have to tell me."

Armin plays along, biting his lip as he smiles. "Actually, I'm not so sure I want to say. Maybe I should show you too."

"Maybe you should."

Armin reconnects their lips and Eren's arms wrap themselves around his waist, pulling him closer. Eren realizes how much he's longed for this moment and despite the ostensible need for this to be perfect, he finds himself kissing harder. Armin doesn't object, letting out a soft moan, parting his lips to allow Eren's tongue to slip into his mouth. They're suddenly kissing like the world is going to end when they pull away. Fast, hard, breathless. Eren thinks this is probably making up for years of lost time. All the time he and Armin could've spent doing this instead of dancing around the topic of where their feelings lay. But then Eren's lungs are burning and he forces himself to pull away, leaving the blond's lips a bit swollen. Ocean eyes meet emerald and Eren tries to catch his breath, taking a moment to get lost in Armin's eyes. But then he lets out a breathy laugh and grins stupidly. "I like you if you couldn't tell," he says and the blond giggles. "Yeah, I could tell," he mumbles, connecting their lips again for a lingering kiss before pulling away. He smiles. "I like you too."


	27. Ocean Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very loosely based on a conversation later in the manga

They're walking together, in the dead of night, when Armin first notices it. He had glanced over at his best friend, who walked beside him, and had seen his lantern tremble in his grip. His brow furrows and he subconsciously reaches a hand out, placing it over the brunet's, who's quick gaze jumps to him as if he's been startled. "Eren," he says gently, feeling his hand tremble beneath his fingers. "You're shaking . . . ."

Emerald eyes turn away and he bites his lip. "Are you scared?" he decides to ask and his response is immediate. "What?! No, of course I'm not scared!" he says loudly and Armin's heart aches. "Eren, your hands are shaking."

"I'm . . . I'm just cold," he replies, but Armin knows he's lying. "My hands are cold."

"Oh," he mumbles, deciding not to push him too hard. "I'm so afraid I haven't been able to stop trembling," he says and green eyes glance to him, seeming almost blue in the dark. "See?" he asks, holding his hand out for the brunet to see and they watch the way his fingers quiver in fear. "Eren, aren't you ever scared of the titans?"

He doesn't answer and Armin swallows nervously. "I think it's normal. The first time I fought a titan, I was so scared I couldn't even move."

He looks to his best friend, feeling his eyes begin to water, but he blinks away the tears. "That was when you — and our comrades —" he adds, feeling his heart twist uncomfortably at the memory. "Got devoured. But Eren, you . . . ," he turns to him then, his chest tightening. "You saved me from getting eaten. Why did you do that?"

He feels a familiar pang of insecurity, but pushes it down as emerald eyes flit over his face. "Why wouldn't I?" he asks as if he's shocked Armin could think such a thing. He looks at Eren in mild surprise, feeling something twist in his chest. "You're my best friend. I couldn't let you die."

He smiles smally and tucks his hair behind his ear, feeling his face begin to heat. "And if I had let you get eaten by another one of those monsters . . . I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. Losing you would've been hard enough. But to know it was my fault . . . ."

He nods even though Eren's staring rather intently at the ground because he knows exactly how that feels. "I felt the same way," he says and when green eyes dart to him, he wishes he hadn't said anything. "At Trost. I thought it was my fault. If I had gotten to you in time, I . . . ."

He has to cut off because even though Eren's here, alive and breathing, right next to him, he can't shake the image of him getting eaten from his mind. And as much as he's tried to forget the pain and the feeling of his soul being torn from his body when that happened, he can't. And he knows if it happens again, he won't be able to survive. He never wants to feel that pain ever again.

"Armin," Eren says strongly, reminding him again that he's here — _alive_. "It wasn't your fault."

He grimaces, wishing he could believe him. He decides to speak, hoping it will untie the knot that's formed in his throat. "How were you even able to rescue me? You were . . . severely injured."

The image of Eren laying seemingly dead on a rooftop, his head bleeding profusely, his leg severed at the knee comes back to mind, but Armin shakes it away. Eren hesitates for a moment and when Armin looks, he thinks he sees a shadow of something he might recognize. "It was . . . you."

"Me?" he asks, unsure of how he manages to speak without stuttering, his cheeks igniting into flames. "Yeah. Your eyes."

"My eyes?"

He thinks he sounds a bit like a broken record, repeating Eren's words back at him as if somehow that'll help them sink in. "When we were younger . . . and you showed me that book . . . you were talking about the sea, lands of ice and fire. You were so full of wonder at everything in the outside world. There was a sort of glow in your eyes. Whenever you talked about your dreams, I always noticed it. It was . . . beautiful," he says, smiling softly to himself and Armin feels his heart racing in his chest. "I wanted to see you like that for the rest of time. I wanted to see you happy, to take you to the ocean. I wanted all of your dreams to come true. And that's what drove me forward. I couldn't let you die without making your dreams a reality. You deserve the world, Armin. And I couldn't live knowing I hadn't given it to you."

His lungs are having extreme difficulty processing oxygen suddenly. His isn't sure what to make of the feelings swirling around in his chest or the nauseating churn in his stomach. Emerald eyes meet ocean before he turns away, breaking the contact. "Thank you," Eren suddenly speaks and Armin asks, "For what?"

"For calming me down. You always seem to be able to do that."

Palpitations distract him too much to say anything. It seems that what he's feeling is getting worse with every word that falls from Eren's lips. His gaze fixes on the brunet beside him and he takes a moment of silent admiration, left completely breathless at the sheer beauty that is everything Eren. "Pretty soon we'll get to see the ocean together," he brings up suddenly and Armin manages a tiny smile, averting his eyes with a blush. "Yeah," he says distantly and feels like eyes are burning into the back of his skull. Hesitantly, he checks over his shoulder to notice Mikasa giving him a look he's never seen before. Not really a knowing look but definitely something similar. She gives a small nod to her side and somehow Armin takes that as message. He turns to Eren and lets out a quick breath. "I'm gonna check up on Mikasa, okay?" he asks and the boy nods, something flashing through emerald eyes so fast Armin isn't sure he's seen it. "Okay."

Armin doesn't know why Mikasa wants to talk to him and it makes his stomach turn with unease and anxiety. He doesn't know why. It's just Mikasa. He turns around and falls into step beside her and they both slow their pace so Eren's out of earshot. "How are you holding up?" she asks and he shrugs. "Fine. Scared, but fine."

They walk in silence for a moment before Mikasa takes a breath. "Armin, when are you going to do something about it?"

He feels his heart sink and he swallows nervously, hoping she doesn't notice. He decides to feign ignorance. "Do something about what?"

She gives him a look and he knows she can see right through him. "Armin, I'm not blind. Neither are you."

Armin lets out a sigh, wondering how this conversation was important at the moment. Shouldn't they be focused on the mission? On staying alive? Shouldn't Mikasa's priority be protecting the others instead of helping him address the familiar flutter of his heart? "We both know he cares for you," she says, breaking Armin's train of thought, grey eyes watching the way the wings of freedom sway as Eren does. Armin follows her gaze and lets out a gentle sigh. "I don't know . . ."

"Armin, one of you needs to say something. And we all know it won't be Eren. He's still too oblivious to realize what he means to you."

Armin lets his eyes run over the back of Eren's figure, feeling suddenly terrified. "But Mikasa, I can't just tell him."

"Why not?"

It's a simple question. But for some reason, Armin doesn't know what to say. He looks at her, ocean eyes darting between grey before turning away with no response. "Are you afraid of how he'll react? Because I can guarantee you he feels the sa—"

"What if he doesn't?"

The absolute fear in his voice is obvious and Mikasa stares at him with the same blatant stare that screams 'are you serious?'. "I overheard some of your conversation. Did you hear any of the things he was saying?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

" _ **You**_ were what got him up again after slamming into that roof. You empower him. He does everything you say and puts full faith in you. He's entrusted you with his life, his dreams, his freedom — everything."

Armin bites his lip and finds the ground to be extremely fascinating all of a sudden. "His happiness. His _love_."

His heart suddenly leaps and he turns to her, his cheeks reddening. She smiles softly. "It's cute that you still get so worked up about him despite how long you've had feelings for him."

"Don't be so loud," he says even though Mikasa isn't speaking particularly loudly, but more because he desperately wants to change the subject. "He might hear."

"Look, Armin, all I'm saying is one day it may come down to life and death. We never know when that day will come. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. But when it happens, Eren has his powers, so he'll be able to survive. But what about you? What if one day you're a little too careless, a little too slow, and you get killed? Imagine how he would feel."

His heart aches at the thought. He knows what it feels like to have the only person you really care about die before your eyes. He never wants Eren to go through that. "And if you were gone, you would have never said the things that needed to be. You both need this, and right now only you can change it. So tell him. Before it's too late."

Of course he can't deny her point. So he doesn't try to, turning to stare at the ground, wondering if maybe he actually should. Of course, he's always wanted to tell Eren, but every time he's gotten close, his heart twists and his throat closes off and he can't speak. And he doesn't want to start, not be able to finish, and not end up getting to the most important part. But he wants to. **_Needs_** to. The words have been dying to be spoken and he's the only one who can help them escape.

~~~

It's a few days later, and Armin's had a small brush with death. He had gotten a little too close to Eren's titan form and one of the ones he had knocked out nearly fell right on top of him. He would've been crushed to death. And it's this experience that really gets Armin thinking. He's been considering what Mikasa suggested, and trying desperately to find the courage somewhere within him, but he never really thought about actually doing it. But after that, he thinks maybe he really should. He tosses and turns in bed, the very premise making anxiety settle deep in his gut. It torments him, keeps him awake with the fear of what might be to come, of what he'll say. He does this for hours, turning over and over under the sheets and it's as if they're strangling him — he shoves them this way and that but they always come back again in an even more uncomfortable way than the last. Out of frustration, he throws the covers off of him and sits up in bed, his eyes already accustomed to the dark. He isn't sure where he's going, but he gets up and walks, his feet bringing him down the stairs to the dungeon. He supposes it's more of a basement that happens to have holding cells, but he likes to think of it that way. A dungeon. A prision. A place not at all fit for the most amazing person he's ever known.

Before he knows it, he's stood in front of his cell, grasping the cold iron bars and wondering why he's here. He presses his face through a space between the rods and stops to watch him sleep. Outside of this moment, Armin might've thought that to be a bit disturbing, a bit unsettling. But here, seeing the way Eren's shoulder rises and falls with his breathing, he's again overwhelmed with something like relief. Relief that he's alive. That he's still with him after everything. He shifts his weight and jumps slightly as Eren turns onto his other side, now facing the blond. He takes a moment to examine every aspect of his face and recognize the things he loves about it. The imperfections, the unique characteristics that make him Eren. He loves the way chocolate hair is falling over his face, the slight twitch of his lashes against his cheek. But then those lashes lift to reveal stunning green eyes. He's caught off guard, they both are, but Eren has to rub the sleep out of his eyes before the oddity of the situation hits him. "Armin?" he asks and he offers a small smile. "Hey," he breathes, now regretting this decision. If he had approached him in the lunch hall, in passing, he could've shrugged it off if things got too difficult to say. But it was pretty hard to come up with an excuse for why he was here, alone, in the dungeon in the middle of night except for the reason he's actually here. He has nowhere else to turn to. He has to do this now. He was in too deep, no turning back. 

"What are you doing here?" Eren asks, standing up and approaching him. It's usually a simple question, but Armin feels like his heart is going to pound out of his chest and he's finding it hard to speak. "I um . . . couldn't sleep," he starts, deciding maybe he can work his way up to it and, in the meantime, work up the courage to actually follow through. "Me neither," the brunet breathes with a lopsided grin and something flutters in Armin's stomach. "I uh . . . ."

His voice is wavering. He clears his throat, fingers trembling against the metal of the iron bars separating them. "Can I . . . can I come in?" he asks, meeting emerald eyes. He can see an obvious spark of concern there and he understands. He's acting strangely, but given the importance of the situation, Armin thinks it's normal. But Eren isn't aware of that just yet. "Yeah, there's keys by the stairs," he says with a nod towards the rack. Armin walks over and grabs the set of keys, trying not to let them fumble too much in his fingers. He brings them to the lock on the door of Eren's cell and turns, pulling it open with a small creak. Armin steps inside and shuts the door behind him more out of need for some sort of comfort than anything else. To focus on doing something normal in the hopes that maybe this will just be a normal conversation. Just like always. He'd like to believe that but he knows it isn't true. Eren gestures to his small cot and Armin hesitantly walks over, sitting down on the uncomfortable surface. Eren takes a seat beside him and Armin licks his lips. "You would think they'd keep this place under higher security," he smiles, placing the keys on Eren's pillow and out of the way. He chuckles. "Yeah, you would think."

A heavy silence falls over them and to Armin it's absolutely suffocating. But then Eren clears his throat and his heart sinks. "So, what's going on?" he asks and Armin tries to play it off, more out of desperation since he knows it won't work. "There's nothing going on."

"Armin, I've known you my entire life. Something's bothering you," Eren tells him and green eyes are looking at him in a way that holds so much intensity he has to turn away. He sighs and part of him realizes just how much he wants to get this off his chest. He fidgets with his fingers and swallows nervously. "I uh . . . I've been thinking," he starts but isn't sure where to go. His face is already starting to heat up and he feels his palms begin to sweat. "Yeah?"

"I um . . . well there's something . . . I just . . . . Have you ever felt . . . weird?" he asks and Eren's brow furrows. "Weird?"

"Yeah."

"How so?"

Armin takes a moment to think about it, tucking a piece of blond hair behind his ear. "It feels like . . . you're drowning. But it isn't scary. Well, at least not completely. It's more . . . warm and comforting really. And . . . everytime you think of this one person . . . ," he swallows, not daring to meet Eren's eyes. "You sink even deeper."

There's another silence and Armin feels like either his entire world is about to fall apart or he is. "I'm . . . not sure I understand?" Eren asks questioningly and Armin can't help letting out a laugh, perhaps to relieve the nerves that have built up. Eren giggles along with him for a moment before they both fall silent again. "Yeah, I uh . . . I don't—I mean . . . . You um . . . I wanted to, uh—you know—I . . . . I've had a few encounters with death . . ."

He looks up at emerald eyes and feels a sudden spark of fear, letting out a sort of strangled noise before turning away and burying his face in his hands. He giggles nervously and grips blond hair in frustration. Nothing he says is turning out exactly as he wants and it's making him sound a bit out of his mind. So he takes a deep breath and sits back up. "And all of this, everything's that's going on, has really put things into perspective."

Eren's giving him his full attention and despite how absolutely terrified he is, how much he's blushing and trembling, he manages to find it somewhere within him to keep going. "I've um . . . I've had a lot of time to think things over. And . . . and there's . . . th-there's something I . . . wanted to tell you . . ."

Eren inches closer though whether or not this is intentional, Armin doesn't know. But it makes his heart beat a bit faster than it already is. "I uh . . . when I . . . watched you die, I . . . couldn't control myself. I couldn't move. I was . . . just . . . **_screaming_**. That's what I remember at least. Seeing you, losing you . . . and the pain."

He shakes his head, feeling a dull ache in his chest of something he's felt before and never wants to feel again. "I'll never forget the pain."

Fingers slip over his own and he's startled, flinching slightly despite himself. Eren runs a soothing thumb over the back of his hand and Armin closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "And . . . it made me realize that . . . well I g-guess I knew but it made me realize . . . h-how important you are to me and uh . . . ."

He wants to disappear. To go back in time and erase this entire moment. Because it's time for him to finally say what he needs to, but he doesn't want to do it. The fear of rejection and possible hatred plague his mind and his stomach twists in anxiety, but he tries to push it down. "I . . . there's something I wanted to t-tell you and . . . at Trost I regretted never s-saying it so um . . . that's why I want to say I-I . . ."

There's something about the total silence surrounding them, the way Eren is staring at him, that makes his heart palpitate with worry. But he closes his eyes and Eren draws patterns gently on his hand and suddenly he finds his voice. He looks up and straight into emerald eyes. "I love you," he says and as soon as he does, he flushes, his eyes widening before he turns away. "I . . . r-really do."

Eren's silent for a moment and Armin glances to him, seeing an analytical look on his face, as if he's trying to figure something out. "I love you too," he says and the ease with which he says it makes Armin think Eren isn't sure which type of love he's referring to and isn't letting himself jump to conclusions. This is both a good and bad sign. Though Armin hopes he's assuming the love is platonic because he doesn't want to put himself in danger of having his heart ripped in two (which it definitely wouldn't be) instead of because he doesn't want anything to do with it if it isn't. "I uh . . . I d-don't . . . I mean of course I love you as a friend but I—"

He cuts off, seeing something flash through emerald eyes and even though he can tell he knows, he decides to finish his sentence. "I'm . . . I'm _in_ love with you."

Eren takes a moment of silence to stare in seeming disbelief at the ground. Armin feels his heart crack. "Oh god, Eren, I'm so sorry, I just ruined everything, didn't I? I knew I should've kept my mouth shut, but Mikasa thought you felt the same and I didn't want to regret not telling you. I'm so sorry I never should've said—"

His rambling is cut short by a swift kiss pressed to his lips. Armin's eyes widen in shock and for a moment, he doesn't know what to do. Eren pulls away, looking into his eyes and Armin's heart is beating but now it's with a much better feeling. Eren's lips meet his again, softer this time, and he kisses back tenderly, his hand coming up to tangle in chocolate hair. He knew he'd always wanted to kiss Eren, but never in his wildest dreams had he expected it to be like this. Their lips move together as if they were made for each other and it's like they've done this a million times before. Armin's immediately addicted to Eren's kiss and wonders why on earth he hadn't confessed sooner. But when they pull away, even though Armin wants to continue, he figures Eren has something to say. And he does. "I love you too," he says with that smile and Armin's stomach flips. "Is that what you were so worked up about?" he jokes with a giggle and Armin shoves him playfully. He chuckles and leans back to take him in his arms again, giving him another soft kiss. "I was scared you wouldn't feel the same."

"I was too scared to tell you I did."

He smiles at the blond. "Good thing you said it for me."

"You have to make it up to me for that. I've been through emotional hell over the past couple days worrying about this."

"How about I make up for lost time?" he asks and Armin thinks it's interesting that they're both exactly the same. They can just kiss now. Ocean eyes dart between green and he can't help a tiny smirk. "You have a lot of time to make up for," he says and Eren is quick to kiss him again, this time a bit more certain. He wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him closer, subconsciously leaning into the touch of a hand to his cheek. Each kiss gets more passionate than the last, and soon Eren's tongue is slipping into his mouth, but he's not complaining. He lets out a breathless noise as Eren kisses him harder and he suddenly can't think anymore. They fall back onto the cot and Eren breaks away for a moment to give him that same smile. "This good enough for lost time?" he asks and Armin grabs the front of his shirt. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he replies with a smirk, pulling him back down for another kiss. The kisses continue, trailing from lips to necks and even lower, across chests and stomachs and Armin is thanking every god he can think of that he confessed. And as hips move, moans echo in the emptiness of the dungeon, and names rip from their throats, Armin vaguely makes a mental note to thank Mikasa later.


	28. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers. I also wrote this before I knew what actually happened. So...

Eren finds some time to himself after dinner. He manages to wave off Mikasa's questioning of his destination by claiming he was tired and was going to the barracks because he needed some rest. This is partially true. Though that's not the reason he's going. Eren's not sure why he expects him to be there. He just does. So he reminds himself of how awful he feels, the mix of emotions swelling in his chest that need to be put into words or they'll surely kill him. He remembers why he's doing this, why he feels it's so important and decides he hopes he really is there. But some part of him, some heavy weight in his heart, doesn't want him to be. He supposes he just doesn't want to face the full consequence of what he's done. He doesn't want to answer any tough questions that might be asked of him because he's honestly not in the mood. He had almost lost his best friend. And he isn't really that enthusiastic to talk about it.

As it's still early, no one's in the barracks. Eren lets out a sigh of relief, but feels his chest tighten uncomfortably. He still has to do this, whether he likes it or not. He's not sure if it's his best friend or himself that needs this. Maybe a little of both. He's frustrated with this feeling of sorrow. This feeling of guilt. He's tired of thinking that there might've been something else he could've done. But there wasn't. It was either this or the death of the most important person in his life. And he was never going to let that happen if it killed him.

He takes the other door out of the barracks and isn't sure if he's looking for something or just wants a breath of fresh air. But he finds who he's been looking for and his heart suddenly sinks. He's just sitting there, staring up at the night sky, blond hair shimmering in the moonlight. Eren tries to tell himself to turn around and walk away — to see the serenity of the moment and leave him to it as it was rare for them to ever be at peace. But something makes him stay.

He lets out a gentle sigh, walking over to the blond and taking a seat next to him. "Hey," he breathes nervously. He looks over with a gentle smile. "Hey."

The tension eats at him, tearing him apart piece by piece so he decides to beat around the bush a little, just to break the silence. "Nice night," he says awkwardly, following his gaze up to the stars. "Yeah, it is."

It doesn't get much better. Eren isn't sure if the silence is only incredibly uncomfortable to him or if they both pick up on it. He fidgets with his fingers nervously, glancing over at his friend and stopping there a moment. He sees the familiar waters of his ocean eyes and the gentle curve of a smile. He notices the faint freckles that dot his cheeks like constellations and the darkness of his lashes that contrasts elegantly against pale skin. His heart aches. 

He takes this moment to turn to Eren, immediately catching his gaze. "What?" he asks gently and Eren has difficulty breathing. He remembers that day. He remembers the plan and thinks of how it was part of it all along. He was willingly going to sacrifice himself for them. For _**him**_. He remembers screaming and being pulled away, staring helplessly at the charred body of his best friend. He remembers pleading, begging the captain to save him because he can't lose him, not again. But it's as if the entire thing was a bad dream. He's here — _ **alive**_ — right in front of him and Eren must've been taking too long to answer because his brow furrows. "What's wrong?"

Eren wants to say that nothing's wrong. He wants to tell him that everything's fine and always will be. But he knows that's not true. So despite his nervousness, despite the sick feeling settling in his stomach, he clears his throat. "Do you . . . do you remember anything? From that day?"

He doesn't need to ask what day it is. Shadows dance across his eyes and Eren hates that he's the one who put them there. "Not really. But I've heard things. From the others."

Eren thinks that's the worst way for him to find out, but there's nothing he can really do about it. He doesn't want to pry, but needs to figure out how much he knows. "What've they told you?"

"That Bertholdt's dead."

His voice wavers. "That I killed him."

"Armin, that's not what happened," he says and when he turns his head, ocean eyes are watering. "Tell me."

Eren sighs, not wanting to go into details, but he will. Because he needs to know. "You really want to know?"

He nods firmly. "Well, everything went according to plan."

He lets out a laugh but it's more rueful and self-deprecating than anything else. "Or at least the part of it I knew. But then things went wrong. You got burned pretty badly. You were on the brink of death and we . . . ."

He has to take a moment to steady his voice, taking a deep breath and feeling a hand slip gently over his own. "We . . . we had some serum."

Eren can't bring himself to look at Armin's face but he can tell he's figured it out. He continues anyway. "Heichou wanted to inject Erwin . . . ," he trails off, feeling a wetness build on his lashes. "I'm sorry, Armin."

He sobs and Armin moves closer, wrapping an arm around him and Eren realizes how much he's missed his touch. "No, Eren, don't be sorry."

"Armin, I made you into a monster. I turned you into one of those beasts, just like what happened to me. What right did I have to do that? To bring you back to life just so you could suffer? To bring you back to this hell and give you these powers that I still don't know how to control? To bring you back to watch everyone around us die because I couldn't see my life without you."

His breath hitches as he realizes what he's said. Armin's grip on his shoulder tightens. "I was being selfish. I should've thought about you instead. I should've thought about the consequences and the absolute misery you would go through if I brought you back and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Eren sobs as he buries his face in Armin's chest. He wraps his arms around his best friend and feels horrible that he's somehow happy. He's happy to have him back in his arms, alive and breathing, hearing his heart beat in his chest and feels incredibly selfish. "I understand. I would've done the same thing."

He feels fingers run through his hair and suddenly remembers Trost. He remembers crashing onto the roof, hearing Armin scream, rushing to save him before he was eaten alive. Only to be eaten himself. The image of the blond's face before the titan's jaws had slammed shut flashes through his mind and he has to stop himself. He never wants to see Armin like that. Especially not because of something he did. He doesn't want to bring it up and remind him of what happened, but finds his mouth moving for him. "Mikasa and Connie . . . told me about Trost."

He feels Armin stiffen and he swallows. "They told me about how upset you were and what you . . . what you almost did . . . ."

He still doesn't say anything and Eren shatters. "Armin, I'm so _**sorry**_. I'm so _**stupid**_. All I do is cause you more pain than everything else you have to deal with. I don't think, Armin. I just act. But I should stop and think because whatever I do always ends up hurting you and I don't want that. I don't ever want to do that to you again. I never want to push you to the brink of almost kill—"

He cuts off because he can't bring himself to say it. He continues without it. "You didn't deserve this. You _**don't**_ deserve this. I got you into this mess, it's all my fault. I'm sorry."

"Eren, it's not your fault."

He doesn't believe him, but doesn't say that. He's just silent, pulling out of Armin's grasp enough to look at him and see glimmering eyes and a broken smile. "I was the one who wanted to join the scouts, remember? Technically, I'm the one who got myself into this. Into all of this."

Silence settles over them like an old friend but Eren doesn't enjoy its company. He bites his lip and furrows his brow but then Armin speaks again, "Do you know why I joined the scout regiment?"

Eren shakes his head because as a matter of fact, no, he doesn't. He never did. Armin's fingers brush his and ocean eyes dart to the ground. "I wanted to stay with you."

He feels his heart skip a beat. "No matter where you went, I was going with you. I had promised myself that years ago. Because I couldn't live without you. That's why, at Trost, I . . . ."

Eren gently squeezes his hand, silently urging him to skip over it and continue. Armin grimaces. "I couldn't function — couldn't _**breathe**_ — without you there. I completely lost it. You were the only thing worth living for and when I thought you were gone, I . . . had nothing else. I couldn't see myself going on without you."

Eren thinks this is very similar to his current situation and he isn't sure if he thinks the irony is just cruel or perhaps trying to tell him something. "I felt so hopeless. I felt like my soul had been torn from my body and I was hollow. Like a piece of me was missing. I just felt _**empty**_."

Their gazes meet and Armin bites his lip. "So I don't blame you for saving me. Even though I was willing to die."

"Why?" Eren blurts. He smiles. "To protect you."

His chest tightens and once again the irony hits him. He's always felt the need to protect Armin. He'd done it his entire life. Even when it was the mere chance of any possible danger, Eren was on it in seconds, no matter the cost. And now Armin was doing the same for him. He had put his life on the line. For him. "I knew there was no way you were getting out of there alive. Not with things going the way they were. So I planned to do whatever it took to protect you. Even if it meant risking my life."

Eren looks up and studies Armin's face again. His eyes are watering and they shimmer a deep blue in the moonlight. He examines the way his hair falls and perfectly frames his face. He looks the same yet somehow different. Like he's always been as beautiful as he is right now and Eren just hasn't noticed. In a way, he hasn't. But really it's that he has, he just tries not to think about it. But now he can't help noticing the smoothness of his skin, the warmth of his touch, the pink of his lips. "I had already lost you once," his voice interrupts Eren's train of thought. "I wasn't losing you again."

Eren leans forwards and crashes their lips together. He weaves a hand through blond hair as Armin kisses him back just as eagerly, his fingers running up Eren's arm and to the back of his neck. His heart is beating so hard, he thinks it might just burst out of his chest and straight into Armin's lap. He knows it's physically impossible, but it seems incredibly real in this situation. Their lips move together in a gentle but desperate rhythm, the years of wasted time suddenly picked up on. Eren has no idea why he hasn't done this sooner as he tentatively licks at Armin's bottom lip, slipping his tongue inside when he parts his lips. He lets out a small whimper and Eren feels his stomach flip, landing rather ungracefully and leaving a fluttering twist in his gut. Tongues dance, Armin's skin soft under his fingertips, and Eren can't bring himself to pull away. He has to breathe. The burning sensation in his lungs is enough to tell him that. But still he kisses Armin, pulling him closer, feeling the blond's lithe fingers grab hold of the front of his shirt. Their movements quicken as they try to get the most out of the next few seconds they have of remaining oxygen. Eren tries to drag the kiss out as long as he possibly can, but it eventually comes to an unfortunate end as they pull away, trying desperately to catch their breath.

Eren isn't sure this is reality. His hands are still firm on Armin's shoulders, but even the tangible feel of his uniform beneath his fingers isn't enough to convince him that what just happened actually did. Ocean eyes stare into his, a storm of emotion brewing in them, but from what Eren can see, none of them are bad. He sees a bit of surprise, maybe something like breathlessness, and something else that he knows he's seen before. Something he's noticed, but never been able to name, though perhaps now it's beginning to make some sense. He sees a smile grace his features and finds himself mirroring the action, leaning their heads together gently. "You won't lose me," he says, parting Armin's bangs and pressing another soft kiss to his forehead. "I'll make sure of that."

He sees another glimmer of a smile and kisses his lips again before Eren pulls the blond into his arms and their hearts settle into a steady rhythm, beating together as one.


	29. Summer Nights

It's mid-July and school is out. The days are almost suffocating in their heat and the evenings are warm and sticky, the air filled with the whizz of insects that come out in a symphony when the sun sets. Armin's shorts are burning against his skin, the perspiration gathering there reminding him of the annoying fabric that he wishes wasn't necessary. The gentle breeze of Eren's broken fan isn't nearly enough to cool the room. It's even hotter inside than it is out. Armin shifts periodically, twisting the controller in his hands as they become too clammy and it starts to get uncomfortable in his grip. But despite the ongoing battle he's fighting with the heat, he absolutely can't, under no circumstances, let Eren beat him at this round of Mario Kart.

He concentrates entirely on the race, both out of the surge of competitiveness he's feeling and also as a distraction against the smothering summer heat. Though it's not nearly as hot as it was earlier in the day, there's something about summer nights that Armin hates more than when the sun is out. In those times, people turn on the air conditioning and hide from the sun's harsh rays. And if there's ever a time Armin needs to face the blinding glare of the outside, it burns for a moment and then it's over. But it's when everything cools down a little, though not completely — never completely — that Armin feels absolutely asphyxiated. It's when it's not exactly cool, but not exactly hot, just warm enough to cause that prickle of discomfort beneath his skin. To make his sheets too warm, but the open air not quite cool enough to let him sleep in peace. It's when people turn off the sweet sanctuary of the air conditioning and resort to using simple household fans that Armin thinks do a lousy job of eliminating the smoldering heat. When perspiration is hot on his brow, his lips dry, and he's unable to sit still for more than five seconds because the summer air settles around him like a blanket.

So when he manages to cross the line a mere second before Eren does, he lets out a warm breath, flashing his best friend a smile. "I beat you," he says and sees the brunet roll his eyes, however fondly. "Whatever. I was just letting you win."

"Sure," he laughs, falling back onto Eren's bed with a light sigh. The sudden rush of air from the movement is refreshing, but it's quickly replaced with a growing discomfort where his back meets the sheets. He spreads his arms and legs, hoping that maybe the more area he covers, the cooler he'll become. It doesn't really work. Eren just laughs at him under his breath and lays down next to him with a dramatic flail of his arms that makes Armin giggle. He sweeps his bangs off of his forehead and spreads blond hair like a halo around his face, trying to expose his skin to rid of the sickening stickiness of the humidity. He glances over at Eren, seeing his eyes closed, his nose twitching as he breathes softly. He sees thick lashes dark and elegant against the tan of his cheeks, the shimmer of a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. His lips are curved into an almost surreptitious smile and he feels his heart swell. Eren's chest rises and falls and for a moment Armin thinks perhaps he's fallen asleep before his lashes lift to reveal stunning green eyes that flick to Armin with a gentle glimmer.

Armin feels his stomach flutter and he swallows, turning away, running a hand over his eyes. He's suddenly reminded of the thing that's been plaguing his mind for the past few months that he's told himself over and over to forget about. "Hey, you okay?"

Eren's voice is strange in the silence. "Yeah," he replies half-heartedly, letting out a gentle sigh, turning his head a bit towards his best friend. "Just tired."

Ocean eyes meet emerald and he can see a glimmer of skepticism there and bites his lip nervously. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Why, does it seem like something's wrong?"

He's said too much. The deception in his voice is subtle, but Eren's known him long enough to pick up on it. The brunet shifts onto his elbow and Armin feels a wave of dread wash over him like the summer heat. Emerald eyes fix on him with such intensity that he feels his cheeks redden, adding to the already unbearable warmth of the surrounding air. "You've been kinda distant these past few months. We don't really hang out as much as we used to."

He tries to come up with something that can get him out of this conversation. Some excuse that Eren will accept as the truth and they can both forget about. Something small. Unimportant. "Why is that?"

The look in Eren's eyes makes Armin's chest tighten in fear and a feeling he's shoved away for awhile now. He looks away, glancing hurriedly, frantically, over anything in the room, eventually settling on the fan that gently ruffles the sheets that hang just over the edge of the mattress. "I don't know, I've just been . . . busy."

It's a horrible excuse. Armin would've cursed himself given another situation. But his heart was palpitating so furiously that he was beginning to think something was seriously wrong. "Armin."

The way his name rolls off Eren's tongue makes a shiver run down his spine and he bites his lip, feeling his eyes beginning to water. "I've known you my whole life. Something's upsetting you."

Armin honestly doesn't know why he's so gut-wrenchingly terrified. Maybe it's the ostensible prospect that Eren will hate him. He knows that won't happen. He knows deep inside that nothing he can do will ever make Eren turn against him. But there's a small part of his mind that's riddled with anxiety, that fills his thoughts with constant 'what if's and worst-case-scenarios. And just that one shred of doubt, that one miniscule chance that Eren might leave him, abandon him forever, — however unlikely it may be — is enough to make his stomach churn horrendously.

"I . . . um . . . ," he starts, his voice quivering in fear. He thinks maybe he can tell Eren the truth. Just not all of it. Because if he did, he'd increase the chance of losing his best friend. Of losing the only person he really cared about. Everyone else he loved was gone and Eren was all he had left. He couldn't lose him too.  
"I've just . . . there's something I . . . ."

He looks into emerald eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to form a decent sentence. "Eren."

"Yes."

"You're my friend."

"Yes."

He lets out a giggle despite himself. "Eren, come on, this is a serious conversation."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood."

He settles on his elbows, scooting a bit closer to Armin, but he isn't sure whether or not this is consciously done. He's still on his back and squirms under Eren's gaze, feeling himself blush and the fabric of his t-shirt press warmly against his stomach. He swallows. "I really . . . we've been friends for years now. You know me better than probably anyone else. You wouldn't . . . walk out on me, would you?"

"What?" he asks, his seemingly nonchalant position stiffening into one of solemnity. "Why on earth would I do that?"

"Just . . . I dunno. If I ever did something . . . you thought was . . . disgusting . . . . Something that would make you hate me . . . ," he mutters, his throat beginning to knot with anxiety. "Armin," he says strongly and he can't help meeting emerald eyes. "There's nothing you could ever do that would make me hate you. And I would never think you were disgusting. You're important to me and I'd never walk out on you because of something stupid like that."

He feels a gentle smile tug at the corners of his mouth, but can't find it within him to complete it. "I just . . . I've been thinking . . . ."

Eren doesn't say anything. He just sits silently, watching him — waiting for him — like there's nothing else but the two of them and the relentlessness of the humidity. "I've never been . . . completely honest with you — well, with myself."

His brow furrows. "How so?"

Armin lets out a strangled laugh, but it's more rueful and self-deprecating than anything else. "I'm making this sound so much worse than it is."

"Well, if it's this hard for you to tell me, then it must be pretty serious."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry,"

He glances at him again and thinks he sees a flicker of a smile. "There's nothing you should be sorry for. Just take your time and when you feel you can tell me, tell me. You don't even have to if you don't want to."

"I want to," he says hurriedly, inching closer to him out of instinct before shrinking back. "I'm just . . . scared."

"Of what?"

"Of you . . . leaving me forever . . . ."

"Armin —"

"I know you won't," he adds quickly. "I know you wouldn't. But there's still a part of me that . . . thinks you might."

They sit in silence a moment and Armin takes a few deep breaths. "I . . . I've always been . . . different . . . than other people," he begins, deciding he might as well take it in parts. "I never really knew what it was. And it wasn't necessarily a conscious recognition either. But as I got older . . . I realized that . . . not everyone was like me. That I was the outcast in a whole world of other people. When I was young, it never really hit me. But recently, I've been thinking it over and . . . I've kinda been denying it my whole life, but I've realized I have to come to terms with it one way or another. And . . . I uh . . . ."

He meets emerald eyes and swallows. "I'm . . . I'm gay."

Saying the words aloud gives him validation of how absolutely true they are. Eren gives a brief nod, as if he isn't sure if there's more Armin's going to say, but after a few moments of silence, he gives a small reassuring smile. "Okay," he says and Armin rolls his eyes fondly, feeling a bit lighter with that off his chest. "That's all you're going to say?" he jokes and Eren grins. "No, I wasn't done. But seriously, I'm not upset. I'm glad you told me. That takes a lot of courage and . . . thank you. For trusting me."

He feels his heart leap and sends him a soft smile. "You're welcome."

There's a moment of silence and acceptance before Eren breaks it. "But, uh, if you don't mind me asking," he says and his tone is light with an intimation of a question that Armin isn't sure he wants to hear right now. "Is there any particular reason you decided to tell me? Is there a, uh . . . ."

He nudges Armin with his shoulder, inadvertently sending shock waves through his body. "There a guy you like?"

They giggle at the childish situation and Armin's lips move for him. "Maybe."

He hadn't meant to say it. And now that he has, he wishes he didn't exist. His face flushes bright red, but Eren doesn't seem to notice. "Really?! Oh my god, who is it?! Tell me!" he says excitedly and Armin can't help giggling at his exuberance. "I uh . . . I dunno . . . ."

"Oh come on, Min! I won't judge, I swear! Unless it's Jean. Then I'll definitely judge."

He laughs and thinks it's interesting that Jean is his first guess. "Ew, no! I would judge _myself_ if that ever happened."

"Marco? Connie?"

"You're really gonna do this to me?"

"Please?"

They go back and forth in the gentle breeze of the fan for quite some time before Eren pouts. "You won't tell me?"

"I mean . . . it's kind of . . . I dunno, weird."

"Alright, well, can you at least tell me about him? Anything."

"Um . . . what do you want to know?"

"Is he tall?"

"I . . . guess? He's taller than me, so . . ."

"Is he hot?"

Armin laughs at this. "What — it's a genuine question!" Eren giggles in retaliation and something like mock offense. He tucks his hair nervously behind his ear. "I mean . . . _I_ think he is . . . ."

He blushes profusely and Eren just grins. "What's your favorite thing about him?"

Armin has to take a moment. He's never really thought it through. "I — just . . . _everything_." he says and when Eren doesn't snort at the cheesiness, he continues, partly to Eren, partly to himself. "He's funny, he's kind — he seems kinda intimidating on the outside, but once you get to know him, he's got the biggest heart in the world. I love his smile, his laugh, his eyes. . . . And he's good to me. I mean, he treats me like I mean the world to him. Which I probably don't. We _**are**_ friends and all, but I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do for him."

"You never know," Eren says and Armin looks up to see a spark in his eyes that makes his breath hitch, his heart flipping with the implication he might be detecting in his voice. "Maybe he secretly likes you too."

There's no way. He isn't implying anything, Armin's just getting his hopes up. He looks at Eren a moment and he holds the contact before the boy shakes his head and lets out a sigh. "No, I don't think so. He's incredible — he doesn't deserve me. He's straight anyways. He could have any girl he wanted, why would he settle for someone like me?"

Though his question is rhetorical, Eren answers it anyways. "Well, believe it or not, you're pretty damn amazing."

He feels his cheeks flush and Eren shuffles even closer, just a step over the line between casual and intimate. "And if he's smart, he likes you back and he won't be settling for anything."

Once again there's a hint in his tone that suggests he knows exactly who Armin's talking about, but that's impossible. "Do you ever . . . think about him? Dream about him?" he asks and the question is both innocent and verging on suggestive. Armin feels his breath hitch and he lets it out shakily, simultaneously loving and hating the proximity between them. "I . . . I think about him all the time. Dreams too. Mostly they're sweet dreams — about him holding my hand, asking me out, taking me on a date, . . . kissing me . . . ," he trails off, allowing himself to quickly glance at Eren's lips and scolding himself for being so stupid. He swears he sees emerald eyes do the same to him and swallows in something like nerves and anticipation. "That was always the one thing I wanted to do with him. More than anything else."

Emerald eyes flit between his own before he mutters, just above a whisper, "Then do it."

It's the tone in his voice that lets Armin know he's caught on. He's known Eren long enough to be able to detect even the most subtle of hints in his voice that can tell him exactly what he means. And this time, he flushes profusely, his tongue darting out to quickly lick his lips. His heart is pounding almost painfully in his chest and he can feel himself trembling as he inches closer to Eren. He doesn't do anything, just sits there with silent, knowing eyes, and Armin suddenly fears that maybe he doesn't know Eren so well after all. That maybe those little tones of voice he thought he knew so well are actually not anything to go on. But he's gotten an open invitation, whether or not it's meant for this specific situation, and Eren's lips are so tantalizingly close that he can't control himself any longer. Without any further hesitation, he leans the rest of the way forwards and gently presses his lips to Eren's. The touch is almost unnoticeable it's so delicate, but it sends a spark through him all the same. After a few moments, he pulls away, lifting his lashes to stare into emerald eyes. He just looks at him, silent, unmoving, and Armin really thinks he's messed up. But then he gives him that lopsided smile he loves before capturing his lips again, this time with a bit more certainty.

Armin feels electricity rush through him, all the way to his fingertips where it fades into numbness. His brain goes fuzzy and all he can register is Eren and the way their lips move together perfectly. Like they were made for each other. They set a slow pace and everytime they pull away, they come back again — softly, gently, and Armin absolutely melts. He feels Eren's hands settle on his waist, pulling him forwards ever so slightly, and he can't help reaching up to chocolate hair, lightly mussed and sticky with humidity. Part of him begins to doubt this is actually happening — that the thing he's dreamed about for years is finally coming true. But Eren's hands are tangible against his skin and for once, he ignores the heat burning under his touch. This is too incredible for him to care.

He makes a humiliating sound, something between a sigh and a whimper, as their movements become quicker. It's only a slight change, but Armin's suddenly breathless, trying to keep up with the pace Eren's setting. He feels his tongue lightly sweep the seam of his mouth and he gently parts his lips to let it inside to meet his own with a scorching heat. It isn't rushed or sloppy — although Armin can feel something like desperation beginning to burn somewhere in his gut. The dance of their mouths and added heat of their proximity is a bit inexperienced and thus a bit awkward, but only slightly — and either way, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't be able to mask the pure exhilaration that the tenderness of the kiss brings. It's a momentary eternity before they pull away, faces flush, breathing ragged. Eren's hands are still firm on his hips and he twists his fingers in the front of his shirt, simultaneously knowing this is a good place to stop and not really wanting to. Now that he's had a taste, he's immediately addicted.

Eren gives him that lopsided smile that makes his heart flutter and tackles him in a bear hug, falling back on the mattress. Armin can't help giggling, returning the embrace and burying his face into the front of his shirt despite the summer warmth. They lay there a moment, trying to fight off the growing heat between them where their skin is pressed together. "So it's me, huh?" Eren speaks up and Armin grins into the fabric of his t-shirt. "Wasn't that obvious?"

Although he can't see him, he knows Eren is smiling. "Armin Arlert likes me."

"Eren, we literally just kissed."

"And, if you don't mind, I'd like to continue doing so for as long a humanly possible."

Armin raises his head and looks at Eren with mirth in his eyes. "Is this your way of asking me out?"

"Sort of?"

He giggles and falls back into the comfort of Eren's arms. "Is that how I asked you in your dreams?"

"No. It was a bit more romantic than that."

"What, like, 'Armin Arlert, would you please do me the honor of becoming my boyfriend?'"

"Something like that."

"Wow, I sound so cheesy in your dreams."

He laughs again, pulling slightly away from Eren despite not wanting to to escape the discomfort his body heat is bringing. "Where did we go? For our first date?"

Part of him wants to laugh and he manages a soft chuckle before replying with a grin, "The ocean."

"We're going tomorrow."

"Eren, you can't drive."

"I'll find another way."

He presses a warm kiss to the top of his head before laying back on the sheets in a more comfortable position. Armin smiles softly and feels his eyelids become suddenly heavy with humidity and exhaustion. He lets out a quiet yawn that Eren makes some sort of remark about, but he's verging on unconscious and isn't hearing too clearly. The last thing he registers is Eren kissing him softly on the head again before he falls into the loving embrace of sleep.


	30. Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers

When emerald eyes meet ocean blue, Eren knows he wants to talk. There's a solemn, perhaps even stern, look on his face and he gulps nervously. So much has happened to them in the span of so little minutes that Eren is surprised at how much his stomach churns. He supposes it's the fact that he can sense Armin's anger, the spark of fire in his eyes that he's only seen on a few occasions. But he still doesn't think it's something to be as afraid of as he pathetically and selfishly is.

It's after Heichou's plan to make Historia the queen that they have a second to themselves. And almost as soon as the conversation is over, Armin's gripping him by the sleeve and pulling him around the corner and out of sight from the others. Once they're alone in the dark, secluded alleyway, he's being thrown forwards a bit more roughly than he'd like. Though given the fact that any form of malignancy from Armin is enough to make his heart ache, he supposes it doesn't really matter. He stumbles as he tries to catch himself and once he does, he turns to see his eyes downcast. "What the hell, Eren?" he says with a cool shakiness that makes him swallow despite himself. "Armin."

He rushes forward, giving him a curt shove. "What the **_hell_**?!"

"Armin, I —" he tries, but soon his tongue is tripping over itself and no words are able to form on his lips. "What were you _**thinking**_?!" he yells, his fists taking half-hearted swings at Eren's shoulders. "What was that about sacrificing yourself?! That saving humanity shit?! I can't _**believe**_ you!"

"Armin, calm down!" he says, trying to cease the attack on his chest. He manages to take hold of Armin's wrists and hold him steady despite his struggles against his grip. He eventually stops and catches his breath, his fists no longer trembling in resistance. "Why . . . ?" he mutters, and his voice sounds broken. "Why did you . . . ?"

"Armin . . . look at me . . . ."

He raises his head, however hesitantly, and when emerald meet ocean, he feels his heart shatter. Tears flood from sapphire pools and roll hotly down his cheeks. The sheer agony in his eyes only adds to the exponential hatred he has for himself. Everything is his fault. It always was. "I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am. They think with my powers, I can save humanity, but they're wrong. If . . . if I let Rod Reiss eat me . . . if I restored the power to its rightful place, maybe humanity would actually stand a chance."

"Eren, those were just things Reiss said to get through to Historia. He needed her completely on his side and if she saw him as a victim in all this, she would be. You can still save humanity without their bloodline."

"How can you be so sure?!" he snaps without thinking. He sees him flinch, but only slightly. It still makes his stomach drop. "For all we know, he could've been right about all that! And even if he's not, what chance do I have of saving us?! If anyone should be the hero, it should be Levi or Mikasa — anyone who's strong enough to be there when they're needed most! All I ever do is fuck things up even more than they already have been!"

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?!" he shouts, taking fistfuls of the front of his shirt and Eren's listening now. "Do you know how much you've done for us?! How much faith humanity has in you?!"

He hangs his head and mumbles, "How much faith _I_ have in you . . . ?"

Eren feels his lungs constrict in his chest, rendering him completely helpless as he struggles to get enough oxygen. "You're not a mistake, Eren," he says and he's left speechless at the fact that he's seemingly telepathic. The exact thoughts flashing through his mind had somehow become clear to Armin and Eren wonders why it's always been that way. But deep inside him, he thinks he knows. He just doesn't want to. "I know how hard it is to think you're useless. To think that everyone around you is so much more capable and to wonder why you even deserve to be here. I've felt it all before and I completely understand."

Armin's fingers loosen their grip on the fabric of his shirt slightly. "My entire life, I've felt like a burden. To Mikasa, to the corps, to everyone. But especially to you."

He looks up with a sad smile, tears still steady as they run past his lashes and down his cheeks. "I always thought you were the key humanity needed to survive. To eradicate the titans. You had bravery and strength while I had nothing. I thought . . . you hated me."

Eren wants to tell him that isn't true — that it never was and never would be. But his mouth isn't moving and besides, he thinks Armin already knows. "But I realized something."

He blinks, letting another tear fall across his skin. "It didn't matter what I thought of myself as long as you still had faith in me."

His stomach flips, but this time it isn't out of fear. "No matter what happened, you were always willing to entrust your life to me and that was all I needed. Even if I felt like I didn't matter to anyone, I always remembered the times you showed me that I did to you."

He takes a step closer into Eren's personal space and his breath hitches. "So even if it doesn't mean anything to you, I . . . you've always been a hero in my eyes. You always have been and probably always will be. And no matter what comes our way, no matter what obstacles we might face, just know that you're a hero. You're _**my**_ hero."

He can't restrain his tears as they slip from his eyes and he's suddenly pulling Armin into an embrace he thinks he needed. The blond's arms wrap instinctively around him and he buries his nose in golden hair, taking in his scent and feeling himself relax a little. "Armin . . . ," he mutters, holding the embrace a bit longer before pulling away. He brings his hand to press against his cheek, wiping away his stray tears. "Thank you," he says sincerely. Armin smiles and before he knows what he's doing, he's leaning forwards and pressing their lips together. He kisses him back tenderly, wrapping his arms around Eren's neck like a lifeline. Their lips slide together like they were meant for each other, prefect and everlasting. There's a hint of serendipity Eren thinks, but it isn't necessarily that. Nothing about the way their hands pull each other closer, all their passion and grief melting away in one glorious kiss, is anywhere near serendipity. It's more like destiny — like a rope that's tied them together from the start that they've now discovered had them connected. A revelation, an epiphany, a realization that things had always been this way and they were either too young or too dumb to notice. Perhaps a little of both.

But despite how long they've waited for this moment, it has to come to an unfortunate end and they both take a moment to catch their breath. But then Armin pokes a finger to Eren's chest and says, "So next time you think about sacrificing yourself, you should consider other people's feelings."

"Oh? And how do other people feel?" he finds himself asking with a grin and he's amazed at how the conversation went from serious to playful because of a kiss. "Other people think you'd be stupid to do something like that and if for some reason it went wrong, they'd be drowning in misery."

"That seems a bit intense, doesn't it?"

"You know there are people who love you right?"

"Are there?" he asks with mock innocence and the blond rolls his eyes fondly, his fingers toying with the hair at his nape. "Yes, in fact, there are."

"Does one of them happen to think of me as their hero?"

"Shut up," he laughs, giving Eren's lips another peck. "You aren't allowed to use that against me."

"So you love me, eh?" he avoids the question and giggles at the pout Armin gives him. He kisses his frown before pulling away to bring him into another hug. "Of course I do," he mutters eventually and Eren can't help smiling into his hair. "I love you too," he says and it's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. And now that years of unspoken words have finally been said, everything seems a little less impossible.


	31. Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming spoilers. Also I wrote this awhile ago so it's kind of all over the place

Falling in love with someone was something they'd been told never to do. In a world full of titans, love was a dangerous game. It could make you weak, distract you from the objective, they said. And it could bring no good, only pain. Going into the survey corps, Armin hadn't understood that. Frankly, he didn't think he'd ever been in love, but he couldn't believe it could be so horrible. His grandfather had always told him that love was beautiful and worth fighting for. And Armin had always looked forward to that. That was really all he'd ever wanted, besides seeing the outside world. He had always thought so lowly of himself and having someone to be there for him, to support him no matter what, would be incredible. 

He remembered, when he was a child, the way Eren and Mikasa would protect him and make sure he had a place to call home. He knew that was love. But he didn't know what it felt like to fall for someone and was scared that, if that time came, he wouldn't recognize the difference. But training as a cadet proved him wrong.

It started one night when Eren couldn't sleep. He had shaken the blond awake and whispered something he couldn't quite understand. But it was Eren and he was grabbing his hand and yanking him out of bed, so he figured he'd find out soon enough. He had led them out of the barracks, into the crisp September air. Armin became more aware as they walked, though he still didn't know where Eren was taking them. They continued for a few minutes, their footsteps strange in the silence of the night. Armin was about to speak, perhaps to ask a question as to what they were doing, when suddenly Eren stopped, his warm hand still wrapped around Armin's cool fingers. Breath chilled as it left their mouths and Armin looked around. He made out the tall shadows of trees in the darkness and the shimmering of the stars above them. "Eren," he said, his voice hoarse from sleep. "What are we doing here?"

Eren just smiled at him and looked up to the sky. "Look at the stars, Armin." he had said and Armin had done as he was told, blue eyes following the constellations. "We made it."

"Huh?"

"To the outside world. We made it. We're not to the ocean yet, but I know we'll get there."

He squeezed Armin's hand tighter. "I just know it."

He looked to Eren then and it was as if the moon was displaying him in a completely different light. It was like Armin had never truly looked at his best friend before, this boy holding his hand a complete stranger. He had never noticed the way Eren's eyes shimmered like the stars or the way his smile seemed brighter than the moon. He was an angel, he had to be. No one should've looked as beautiful as Eren had in that moment. There was something else besides his face though. Something so uniquely Eren that Armin had never noticed before. Or perhaps he had always known it was there and just hadn't known what to call it. It left a tightness in his chest, a light feeling in his stomach. His hand where Eren's lay was burning beneath the skin and his cheeks were almost glowing red in the moonlight. His mind went blank as he stared at his best friend, confused as to what this feeling was.

Eren turned to face him and Armin didn't even think to make an excuse. Their eyes locked and Eren gave him that smile. The one that was saved specially for him. Reserved for him. He hadn't noticed that before either. That smile was never seen by anyone. Not his parents, not Mikasa. 

Only him.

It was special, an unspoken thing lying beneath the surface. Armin had decided to keep that thing unspoken and simply smiled in return, wondering what was happening to him.

~~~

All this flashed through Armin's mind at a million miles per hour as he stood, frozen, his eyes glued to Eren's motionless form. It had been three years since that night. Three years since Armin had felt that pain in his chest. Three years since he fell in love. Now the pain in his chest was different. It wasn't fluttering and strange. It was a feeling he had felt before. But never like this. It was the feeling he felt when he had to evacuate Shiganshina. The feeling he felt when he knew he'd never see his grandfather again. The feeling that everyone felt when they watched their friends die.

Like that night, his mind was numb, his stomach twisting in a sickening way. This wasn't supposed to happen. Eren had always been a little reckless — never really thinking things through before acting. But that's where Armin came in. He was the one who thought of the consequences of Eren's actions. Even when he had already gone through with them. But this time . . . this time he had been too late.

He had called for him, chased after him, hoping he would stop being rash and go back to the rooftop. Away from the titans, with him, safe. But he hadn't listened, overrun with the need to avenge Thomas and kill the abnormal that had eaten him alive. Although Armin had chased after him nearly the moment he set off, swinging between buildings with ease, he hadn't reached him in time. The abnormal had attacked, ripping off his leg and sending him crashing into the nearest rooftop. Armin's world had slowed as he watched Eren slide harshly across the shingles, blood pouring from his wound. He landed on the building across from him, making sure the titan had left before turning to look at his friend. He saw the injury, saw the blood, saw Eren's unmoving body. He was gone . . .

Armin could do nothing but stare, his mouth open, eyes blown wide, in complete shock. His lungs stopped working, his heart beating with a slow, painful rhythm. His legs shook and eventually he fell to his knees, not feeling the pain from landing on the stone. Everything Armin knew, everything he was, everything he'd ever loved, was ripped out from under him just like that. Armin didn't know how to live, how to breathe, how to think without Eren by his side. He hadn't realized how fully he depended on him until now, a dull thud echoing through his mind. He finally registered the thud as something to his left and he glanced that way to see a titan staring at him. But he couldn't bring himself to move. Why should he? Eren was gone. There was nothing to live for anymore. He didn't notice the titan picking him up, or the way his feet dangled above it's open mouth. Armin finally realized what was about to happen to him when he was being dropped down the monster's throat. His instincts kicked in and he screamed, trying to stop himself from going down. 

A hand suddenly reached out and grabbed his own and when he looked up he saw Eren, somehow back from the dead. In that moment, Armin's heart swelled, relieved that he was alive. He stared in shock at the familiar face before him, now alive with the anger that always burned in his emerald eyes. But then he was being thrown out of the titan's mouth, landing hard on his side. He darted up, his heart beating fast in terror. He whipped his head around, watching his friend hold open the jaws of the beast. "EREN!" he yelled. "Armin . . . ," he replied weakly, reaching his left arm out to him. "Listen . . . . The world you told me about . . . I want to see it . . . ."

Armin felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "I . . . have to . . . ."

Suddenly, Armin snapped out of his shock, remembering how much danger Eren was in. "EREN!" he cried, outstretching his arm to grab him. He saw the look in Eren's eyes before the titan's jaws closed, his arm severed and falling towards the ground. The force of the impact caused Armin's hair to fly around his face, tears rolling quickly down his cheeks. He stared in shock for a moment before his emotions became too much and he let out a blood-curdling scream. He felt as if his soul was being ripped from his body, like someone was grabbing his heart and trying to pull it from his chest. Everything was gone, he had no reason to live anymore. He had just seen Eren, his best friend, the boy he loved, get eaten alive by a titan. And it was all because of him . . . .

If he had just been able to move, he could've gotten to Eren and taken him to safety. But it was because of his inability to be a soldier, to continue with the mission, that had killed him. Eren was dead because of him . . . . 

~~~

The next thing he knew, Connie was shaking his shoulders, saying his name over and over again. He just stared at him and heard him ask something about what had happened. But Armin couldn't hear him. He thought he heard someone tell him to leave him alone, but he wasn't sure. But that was before Mikasa showed up. He couldn't tell her what had happened. Eren was her brother and if she knew it was his fault he was dead, she would kill him. Mikasa talked to him, asking him what had happened to her brother, the person she loved like a son. 

He should've died with him. There was no reason he should've lived while Eren didn't. Armin choked on his words, tears gushing from his eyes and he forced himself to meet Mikasa's gaze. He must've looked horrible because she gasped, her face immediately going pale. She knew. One look into his eyes and she knew. She saw the tears streaming down his face. She saw the excruciating pain he felt. Mikasa knew. Either way, Armin decided to say something. "Those . . . of the 34th Training Corps Squad . . . ."

He managed to say the names of all those who had died in his squad and had said four before he reached Eren. His throat clenched, his lips froze, his heart feeling like it had been torn to pieces. "E-Eren Jaeger . . . ," he mumbled, choking back hysterical sobs. "These five . . . fought heroically and . . . their death was not in vain!"

He paused, trembling uncontrollably. "I'm sorry Mikasa . . . . Eren died . . . to s-save me. I should've taken his place . . . I'm sorry . . . ."

That was all Armin could say before breaking down in sobs. Mikasa placed a hand on his own and said, "Armin, stop crying. Now's not the time to be sentimental."

He just stared at her, those words ringing through his mind. How was she so unaffected by Eren's death? How was she able to keep a straight face while Armin felt like he had lost everything? He wanted to punch her. He wanted to snap her out of this stupid sense of security. She seemed normal, like the mission had been successful with no casualties. But that was a lie. Nothing was okay anymore now that Eren was gone. Everything was different. And Mikasa was acting like nothing had happened. Like his life meant nothing. 

But they had to stick together. In the hell they called home, you needed something to hold onto. And now that Eren was gone, all Armin had left was Mikasa — although he wasn't ready to admit that just yet. The rest of the mission, he tried to keep his mind clear. For the sake of his friends. He couldn't have anyone else die on his behalf. It was incredibly hard, Eren's memory nagging at the back of his mind, but he somehow managed to keep his tears at bay.

When the unique variant appeared, he made a plan to get to headquarters. When everyone was trapped there, he came up with a strategy to help them escape. He may have seemed rather calm and composed, but all he could think about was Eren. His smile, his laugh, his hand settling on his own to calm him down, the blood. So much blood . . . .

But then they were escaping headquarters and the unique variant was being attacked by other titans, it's limbs not regenerating. And then it fell to the ground, a shape emerging from it's nape. Armin was sure his eyes were deceiving him. The shape was known, familiar, like he had memorized every inch of it. Because he had. Armin's eyes widened as he realized the shape was Eren. He used his 3DMG to get down to the ground, running towards the fallen titan, his heart beating quicker with every footfall. He collapsed into Eren, wrapping his arms around him. He burst into tears, sobbing hysterically in relief.

~~~

It didn't take long for Eren to recover. But because of his titan-shifting powers, most people avoided him out of fear. Armin and Mikasa were the only ones who ever spoke to him. Eren had noticed the way people looked at him and mostly kept to the barracks when they weren't on a mission. 

Armin didn't meet anyone's eyes as he carried the tray of food out of the dining hall. He walked with hurried steps, out the door, across the field, towards the barracks. It was still early and nobody had headed to bed yet. Most people were eating or chatting with their friends as a distraction from the hellish day to day life they had to live. Armin glanced around to make sure he hadn't been followed before slipping through the door. 

Eren looked up when he heard the door open and their eyes locked. Armin offered a small smile. "Armin," he stated simply. The blond walked over to him, taking a seat on the bed beside him. "I thought you might be hungry so I brought you some dinner," he said, placing the tray between them. Eren just looked at him. "But shouldn't you be eating?" he asked in concern. Armin blushed slightly. "You shouldn't worry about me. You're the one you should be concerned about."

"I'm fine."

"Eren."

The boy became silent. "Please, just eat something."

They stared at each other for a few moments before Eren gave in, taking the bread in his hands. Armin watched him as he scarfed down the bread and all the soup. He remembered the pain he had felt, the way he had lost control of himself when he thought Eren had died. His mind drifted back to that dark place but then Eren was looking at him and he was brought back. He was brought back to that night Eren had showed him the stars, brought back to that night he realized he was in love. "Armin?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. The blond suddenly threw his arms around him, tears welling up in his eyes. "You said you knew . . . we'd see the ocean one day . . . ," he said through his quiet sobs. "Do you . . . do you still think so?"

Armin felt Eren's arms wrap around him and realized how much he had missed his embrace. "I know we will. I won't let anything stop us," he replied. "I promise."

Armin squeezed him tighter.

~~~

It was when they joined the scout regiment that Armin had been on the brink of death. He had gotten a severe head injury and had lost enough blood to lose consciousness. He remembered Eren's face when he saw his condition and the feeling of being carried by strong arms before he slipped into unconsciousness. He woke up in his own bed, a bandage wrapped around his head, and a figure asleep in a chair at his bed side. "Eren?" he questioned and the boy stirred. He opened his eyes slightly and, upon seeing Armin awake, nearly jumped out of his chair. He threw his arms around the blond, the back of his head almost slamming against the wall. Armin blushed despite himself as Eren buried his face in his chest. "I was so worried about you. Hanji said you had lost a lot of blood and I didn't know if . . . ," he trailed off. Armin felt his heart ache and he wrapped his arms around him, placing his head on Eren's. "It's okay."

Eren pulled away and looked into his eyes. The room was dark, lit by a few candles. He wanted to ask how long he'd been there. If he had gotten any sleep. But he couldn't bring himself to speak. Armin just stared into Eren's eyes, beginning to lose himself in the emerald depths. Armin had found that Eren could always tell how he was feeling by looking into his eyes. With Mikasa, he had to feel a strong emotion, but Eren could notice anything. If he was a little sad because someone had said something mean to him, Eren noticed. If he felt a spark of happiness at a story he was told, Eren noticed. And if he had accidentally opened his heart and let his love for the boy show as he stared at him, Eren apparently noticed. They had their own language and Armin could tell Eren had seen something. He knew something that he hadn't before. He knew how much pain Armin had felt when he had watched him die and Armin saw just how worried Eren had been for him. He noticed the redness of his eyes. He saw the tear stains running down his cheeks. He saw Eren's gaze fall to his mouth.

Their lips met fiercely and Armin could feel that Eren felt the same. He was just as in love with Armin as Armin was with him. So he let his emotions flow as his lips glided against Eren's, let go of everything. As hands ghosted over skin, Armin felt a pleasant shiver go up his spine. Love could make you weak, distract you from the objective. That's what they had been told. But that wasn't true. Love could also make you stronger, make you fight until the end. Love was beautiful. And now that Armin had that, he would make sure that Eren would be okay. He would keep the promise they had made when they were young. They would see the world together and reach the ocean. And when they did, Armin would make sure the hell they lived in would end so he and Eren could fall in love all over again.


	32. Code 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how police or hospitals work so bear with me

When I first met him, I thought he was the biggest prick in the world. He was cocky and arrogant and I had no idea why the force had accepted him. So, naturally, when he became my partner, I thought the universe was out to get me. That I must've done something terribly wrong and he was my punishment. Looking back, it all seems so stupid. I was so melodramatic and close-minded for no reason whatsoever. But if I was honest, it was because I was jealous. I envied his good looks and charm and the quickness in which he rose in the ranks when it took me so long to get where I was. Things just seemed to come so naturally to him. And I wished I was like that. But I later realized that wasn't actually the case. I got to know him, his flaws, his weaknesses, things that made him tick. And I found that all of the charisma and apparent narcissism was a pretense. A cover-up for the troubled soul that lied within. And then I realized the universe wasn't out to get me. It was doing me a favor.

It was showing me that I needed something. I needed him. We became fast friends after that and learned things from each other. I taught him how to overcome his past and strive for a better future and he taught me how to let go and live a little. To enjoy my moments before they were my last. But then he was hurt. And the irony didn't hit me.

We had been working a case on a seeming abduction, and were chasing down a lead about a robbery gone wrong. We were sitting in a bar, observing the suspect over the rims of our glasses. "You think he's here alone?" he had asked me, being the one to ask questions. I shrugged. "Who knows. But keep an eye out, wouldn't want any of his friends to be onto us."

I remember he had smiled and I had looked over. Despite the seriousness of the situation, I found myself smiling smally to myself. That just seemed to happen. His smile was contagious.

"He's on the move," he had alerted me and when I looked, I saw the man leaving the bar, glancing around as if he was up to something. "Let's go," I said and together we followed suit, making sure to keep a safe distance. "I'll keep after him, you go get the squad," he said and I almost stopped walking. "Are you insane? I can't let you go after this guy alone."

"Trust me, I'll be fine," he had said. "Just go get the car. I'll call you and keep you updated."

I hadn't been able to say anything else and he gave me a reassuring smile though it didn't do much to reassure me. I had an uneasy feeling in my gut and I didn't like the thought of him being out there alone. But he didn't seem like he would listen to me, so I figured I'd go to the car and do what I could. When I shut the driver's side door, I immediately reached for my phone, dialing his number. He picked up. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the corner of Rose and Sina. He's heading towards some sort of underpass."

"Keep on him. I'm getting backup. Don't hang up, okay?"

I heard some sort of response and picked up my radio. "This is 1-Lincoln-13 requesting code 8 at Rose and Sina. Suspect on foot, we are in pursuit. Please stand by."

I couldn't settle the twisting of my heart or the overwhelming sense of panic I was feeling. Why was I so worried? I drove towards the direction of their location, thankful we hadn't taken one of the cruisers. We were using an undercover car, so the suspect wouldn't know I was in the force even if I pulled up behind him. "Eren, you still there?" I asked over the phone. He didn't answer right away. "Eren?" I asked more frantically. "Yeah . . . sorry."

He sounded out of breath. "Look I can't talk right now. He's got company."

"Eren? Eren, where are you?"

"I'm heading towards the river. There's too many of them, I gotta go."

"Eren, wait, don't —"

He hung up. I bit my lip and grabbed the radio. "This is 1-Lincoln-13 to dispatch, do you copy?"

"1-Lincoln-13 we read you loud and clear."

"Code 20. I repeat, code 20. Situation unknown, officer Jaeger may be in danger."

"Copy that, Lincoln-13, we're on our way."

I reached for my phone and dialed his number again, pulling over and getting out of the car. I jogged through the underpass and looked around, seeing no sign of anyone. The phone went to voicemail. I then saw a young man leaned against the wall with what appeared to be blood on his shirt. My heart sunk. "Hey, you!" I called and when he looked up, his eyes widened. "That better be your blood," I said, my voice wavering. I was suddenly burning with anger. "Look, it wasn't my fault, I —"

"Where is he?" I interjected. He just stared at me. My frustration took over and I shoved him back against the wall. "Where the hell is he?!"

"I — I don't know, h-he was stabbed over there somewhere."

My chest tightened. "Stabbed?"

"Y-Yeah. I swear it wasn't me."

"I don't care who it was!" I shouted, seeing him visibly flinch. I took a deep breath. "I just need to know where he is. Show me."

He nodded and took off down a path to the right and I followed after, my heart beating painfully. He had been stabbed. The thought of him bleeding out, on the brink of death crossed my mind. I imagined the tan of his skin fading away along with his life, the glimmer and glow in his eyes disappear. I imagined him giving me one last one of those lopsided smiles before going limp in my arms. I shook my head and shut my eyes, trying to rid those thoughts from my mind. But when we arrived on the scene, it was hard not to think of the unthinkable.

"Eren!" I had cried, falling to my knees beside him, ignoring the river of blood flowing from his side. He appeared to have two stab wounds to either side. I lifted his shirt to expose the lacerations and turned to the young man standing behind me. "Give me your jacket," I demanded and he did as told, handing it to me quickly. I pressed it to his wound hurriedly, my hands shaking as I looked at him. "Eren, stay with me," I begged, seeing him already struggling to breathe. I didn't know how long he had been there, but from the looks of it, he had already lost a lot of blood. I applied pressure to his wound and looked over my shoulder at the man. "Call an ambulance. Hurry!"

He reached for his phone and I turned back to look into emerald eyes. Their light was fading too fast for my liking. "Eren. Eren, don't you dare die on me. Come on, stay with me!"

He turned to face me and gave me a weak smile. "A . . . Armin . . . ," he rasped and I shook my head. "Don't speak, just lay still, the paramedics will be here soon. Just hang in there."

I could feel tears beginning to run down my cheeks and held back a sob as the stain on the young man's jacket grew larger. The minutes I had to wait for the ambulance seemed like an eternity. But then they were there and had Eren on a stretcher and then we were on our way to the hospital. I followed behind them in the car, feeling myself tremble as we went. When we got to the ER, I rushed after them as they turned through various hallways, asking all sorts of questions that none of them needed to deal with. "Will he be okay?"

"Too early to say. We need to get him into urgent care as soon as possible."

I gave up, deciding I shouldn't waste their time and prevent them from treating him before it was too late. So I returned to the waiting room, ignoring the looks I received from some bystanders. I sat there for hours, tapping my foot, my mind and heart racing. I tried reading a magazine to calm my nerves, but I couldn't manage to read it. All I could focus on was Eren.

What seemed like years passed until one of the doctors came out asking for me. I hurried up to her, overwhelmed with worry. "What's going on, is Eren alright?"

She raised a hand as if to stop my rambling. "He's fine."

I let out a sigh of relief, feeling as if the weight of the world had just been lifted off my shoulders. "Oh thank god," I mumbled. "He's unconscious, but stable. We still need to do a few tests, but he'll be fine. I'll keep you posted . . . ?"

"Armin. Armin Arlert."

"Mr. Arlert," she said with a smile and a nod. She turned to leave, but I found my mouth moving. "Wait."

She looked back at me. "Can I see him?"

With a gentle smile, I could already tell the answer. "Not yet. He's still undergoing care. I'm sorry. I'll let you know as soon as you can."

I gave an appreciative smile and let her go through the doors to check on him. I sat back down in the seat I had claimed and let out a sigh. The suspect had probably gotten away, but it didn't matter. Eren was okay. He was going to be okay. That was all I needed. The world could survive with one more criminal, but it couldn't survive without Eren. Without the brilliant light he gave off, the entire world would be dark and meaningless. It would have lost something truly amazing.

I waited for hours, watching each second tick painfully by until finally she returned and I stood up the moment she entered the room. "Alright, you can see him now."

She led me down the halway and to a room labeled 845. She pushed the door open and I stepped inside. "Thank you," I said. I looked down at her coat. "Dr. Ackerman."

She smiled before shutting the door behind me. I turned to look at Eren, taking a deep breath. I looked at his electrocardiogram and saw his heart was beating at a steady rhythm. I approached his bedside, observing the wires and IV's connected to him. They had him on a breathing machine. I sat in the chair beside him, feeling myself tear up. He was alive. I reached out with trembling fingers and gingerly took his hand. It felt cold to the touch. I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. "You're gonna be okay, Eren," I found myself saying. "Everything's gonna be fine."

~~~

For the next couple of days, I came in to see my partner. I left him the occasional bouquet. His friends and family also came in to check on him, bringing their own gifts as well. But then I had gotten word from one of my colleagues that he was awake. And that's why I was here, in the hospital, letting out a sigh before entering room 845. I shut the door behind me and walked over to his bedside, crossing my arms nervously. "Hey," I said and emerald eyes opened. As soon as he saw me, he smiled. "Hey."

I took a seat in the chair, running a hand through my hair. "How are you?" I asked, mental cursing myself at the stupidity of the question. "Could be better," he replied, shifting and wincing afterwards. I reached out for him, but stopped myself halfway. His gaze landed on the item clutched in my left hand. "Those for me?" he asked and when I looked down, I remembered the flowers. "Oh, yeah, uh . . . here," I muttered awkwardly, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I handed the bouquet to him and he smiled. I felt my heart flutter oddly and turned away to look out the window. "I'm sorry," I said and his face suddenly fell. "For what?"

"For letting you go alone. I knew I shouldn't have, I should've gone after you. If I had been there, maybe I couldv'e —"

"Hey," Eren said, reaching over and taking my hand. Ocean met emerald. "It wasn't your fault. I chose to go after that guy even when you told me not to. And you were right."

I swallowed, looking down at our clasped hands. "As usual."

I giggled, drawing circles on his skin absentmindedly. "So, what happened?" I asked. I hadn't known what went down and it had been killing me. "I chased him to the underpass and he met up with a bunch of other guys. They saw me and took after me. Chased me down when I ran. I think they just wanted money and didn't realize who I was. I didn't give it to them, so this happened," he said, gesturing to his wounds with his free hand. "Was he in some sort of gang?"

"I don't know. But whatever they were doing, chances are it wasn't legal."

We fell into a comfortable silence until I found myself speaking. "Hey, um . . . for what it's worth . . . ."

I muttered and I had no idea what I was saying. "I'm . . . I'm proud of you."

Eren looked at me and I gave a gentle smile. "When we first met, I hated your guts. I thought you were an absolute dick."

He scoffed with mock offense and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. "But . . . you're . . . you're the most amazing person I know."

The silence in the room was suffocating me and I looked away from emerald eyes. "So . . . thank you for . . . for being in my life."

He didn't say anything. He didn't crack a joke or tell me how cheesy I was like I had expected. But then he muttered it so quietly, I almost didn't hear. "You're pretty amazing too."

I smiled sheepishly, shaking my head. "Not really."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously, propping himself up on his elbow and causing me to reach out again in worry. "Name one thing that isn't perfect about you."

I blushed but shrugged it off. "Uh, well for one thing, I'm nowhere near as strong as you."

"Bullshit. You once took down five guys because I got my ass in trouble. Next."

"I'm a burden to the force."

"Again, bullshit. You're the smartest person in the entire unit and we'd be completely lost without you."

"I lack stamina."

"I've seen you chase down criminals at top speed for multiple blocks. Continue."

"I get anxious for no reason."

"You've kept your cool in crazy situations and saved everyone because they didn't know what they were doing."

"I don't make a difference."

"Pretty sure you make the city safer at least once everyday."

"I'm not good looking."

"You're beautiful."

"I'm useless."

"You've helped so many families get their kids back or get closure for ones they've lost. And also, you're not useless. That's a fact."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Oh and you know everything, do you?"

"Are you trying to insult me?"

I let out a laugh at this, feeling a little better about everything. Though I blushed at his compliments, I tried to ignore the fluttering in my chest, but to no avail. I felt a hand cup my cheek and I looked to see Eren give me that smile. The one that I rarely saw and that only seemed to be reserved for me. It was one that was genuine and shimmering and it made me completely breathless whenever I saw it. And this time was no exception. "Armin," he said and I felt a bit lightheaded. "Eren," I managed and he leaned closer. "Armin." 

Our noses bumped against each other and I blushed, my lungs becoming suddenly dysfunctional at the proximity. I could feel myself trembling slightly, my breathing ragged and I swallowed nervously. "Eren," I said again, somehow keeping my voice steady despite my pounding heart. He gave a soft smile and mumbled, "Armin," before he closed the gap between us and pressed our lips together. It took a moment for the fact that Eren was kissing me to register in my brain, but once it did, I was tangling my fingers in chocolate hair and returning the kiss eagerly. We separated only to come back together and my entire world seemed to stop as all I could focus on was Eren and how his lips were moving against mine, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I gasped as our tongues danced and I thought I must've been dreaming. I let out something between a whine and a whimper as he pressed one last incredible kiss to my lips before pulling away and giving me that smile. "I'm glad I got stabbed," he said and I laughed at how ridiculous that was. "Shut up, no you're not."

"Actually, you're right, I'm really not," he said, clutching his side and laying back down. "It doesn't feel too great. Oh, by the way, thanks. For saving my life."

"You're welcome."

I grinned and he returned it, the intertwining of our fingers having a whole new meaning. "But as long as you're around, I'll keep getting stabbed over and over again if it means I can keep kissing you."

I giggled. "You don't need to get stabbed to do that," I said before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.


	33. Rumor Has It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda spoilers but not really??

Eren wants to punch Jean in the face. Well, at least more than he usually does. Captain Levi, Connie, Historia, everyone's noticed by now. Even the thickest of skulls are aware of it — skulls as thick as Jean's. Eren doesn't want to admit he's seen it too. He doesn't really want to admit it's even there in the first place.

He shakes his head and runs a hand through his mess of chocolate hair. It's not so much the rumor that bothers him so much. People have been judging him and talking about him behind his back for as long as he's been alive. No, that isn't what's upsetting him. What's upsetting him is the nauseating twist of his stomach whenever someone mentions it. It's the immediate reaction he has to deny everything because there's no way they're right. They can't be. When it was first brought to his attention, he didn't believe it. He just thought Mikasa was finding another way to criticize him without directly stating it in that vague yet specific enough way she does. So he ignored it. Because she didn't know what she was talking about — what would she know? But then someone else said something. It wasn't necessarily rude or demanding an answer, Hannah was just curious, asking questions because she couldn't help it. And Eren had been unnecessarily sharp with his tone and snapped at her questions. She immediately apologized and Eren felt horrible for lashing out. 

The next couple times, he figured it was just a rumor and after a moment of considering it's inconvenience and wondering if he could stop it, he decided it was just a stupid rumor. And it wasn't true. Surely it would dissipate with time and it would probably only stay between a certain amount of people. Oh no. He was wrong. Soon it had spread to more and more until the entire cadet corps was secretly whispering in the dark. Eren didn't like it. He had become even more agitated than usual and had put a considerable distance between him and his friend, thinking maybe everyone would finally shut up and forget about it. But everyone just assumed they were fighting. And it made it worse. People would come up to him asking if he needed any advice or claiming they were there if he needed someone to talk to. And Eren had told them he didn't need any advice or any cheering up. He would be perfectly fine as long as they stopped bothering him about it. It was quieter after that, as most had either shut their mouths for fear Eren would beat them to a pulp otherwise or they had just grown to accept it as fact no matter how many times it was denied.

But there's something about Jean saying something that really gets to Eren. He wants to believe it's because it's Jean and he doesn't need him to harass him anymore than he already does. But even he knows that's not true. What gets him so worked up is that Jean is the most oblivious person on the face of the earth. He's about as dense as a brick and if anything was going on, he wouldn't know even if it slapped him in the face. But somehow even _**he**_ knew. And though he knew Jean was only telling him to mess with him, it made him finally start thinking for a second. Maybe they were right. He could understand a few people gossiping just for the hell of it, but when the entirety of the people he knew were telling him something was off, something definitely was. Though of course it wasn't for the reason they thought it was. Absolutely not. Never in all eternity would that ever happen. That was just how things were. How they always had been. 

Eren finds his feet leading him to the familiarity of the barracks and has no idea what it is he's doing. But he marches on, bursting through the door and once his eyes fall on a mop of blond hair, he immediately regrets this decision. "Eren!" the boy says with a small grin, as if he's been startled. "You scared me."

He sees ocean eyes shift, calm waves turning to the beginning of a storm. "What's wrong?"

It hits Eren as more of a statement than a question and he finds his mouth moving for him. "We need to talk. Alone."

He doesn't comment on the fact that they're already alone and rises from his bunk. Eren is grateful for his lack of interrogation as he follows him outside and towards a secluded area by the sparring grounds. When he finally turns around, the blond is pure worry. "Eren, what's going on?" he asks and the brunet doesn't think about any words coming out of his mouth. "Something's wrong."

"Wrong?"

Eren sees the sudden panic in ocean eyes and takes a second to clarify. "I'm fine," he says and he visibly relaxes, making Eren's heart skip a beat. He shakes his head softly. Now after thinking it over, he can _**see**_ what everyone has been talking about and it's so _**obvious**_ that he had no idea why he hadn't noticed before. "It's about the corps."

"The corps? Why, what happened?"

Eren curses himself under his breath. Nothing he's saying is coming out how he wants and it's causing unnecessary stress and concern. "No, I mean —"

He sighs in frustration, clutching at his hair. But the blond is patient with him which he again appreciates. "People are talking," he says finally and something in sapphire eyes tells him he knows what he's talking about. But he doesn't want to assume anything. "As they do."

Eren stares at the ground, finding his breathing is strangely erratic. He imagines he's furrowing his brow and averting his gaze, biting his lip the way he does when he's nervous. Eren shakes his head again because he shouldn't _**know**_ that. He hears the hesitance in his voice as he asks, "What are they saying?"

At first Eren doesn't answer and he isn't sure why. He's the one who wants to talk, so why isn't he talking? But he knows it's not that he wants to talk. He _**needs**_ to. "They're saying...," he starts, feeling a familiar tightness in his chest. "It's weird."

He gets the feeling again that he knows exactly what he's talking about, but he doesn't blame him for not bringing it up. Though he does sort of wish he would to spare him the trouble, but knows he wouldn't do something so selfish. Not to him. "They're saying what's weird, Eren?"

"Us, Armin."

He looks up to meet cerulean eyes. "That we're too affectionate, too close, to be just friends,” Eren says and he's actually surprised he's made it this far. He sees the blond avert his gaze and can almost see the wheels turning in his head. He's trying to think of something. Something that will get him out of this situation a little longer and Eren wishes he didn't know him so well. Armin doesn't say anything for a moment and Eren doesn't know what to, so they just stand there in silence, an almost tangible tension settling over them. "You know, don't you? You've heard about it," he doesn't really ask as much as state. "Yeah," Armin says after a moment and Eren can tell he's given up with trying to find an excuse. "Yeah, I know."

"So you might also know why I'm here." 

If he was honest with himself, he wasn't even entirely sure why he was here. But he was hoping Armin was smart enough to figure it out for the both of them. He sees something flicker in ocean eyes and takes a step closer, feeling like he blond has come to a conclusion and he wants to know what it is. "I...I can't say that I do."

"Armin," he says and there's a couple directions he can go. "We both know that rumors have to start somewhere."

He tears his eyes away. "Where there's smoke there's fire."

Armin swallows and looks up at him and the shimmer of fear he sees in his eyes makes Eren's heart ache. "And are you trying to put that fire out?"

"I'm trying to figure out who started it."

He takes a step back but the brunet follows after him. "Eren...," he trails off so Eren speaks for him. "I'm not blaming anyone, Armin,” he says and it's sincere. "I honestly don't care who was the first to say something or how it spread. I care about why it happened in the first place."

He sees Armin put up his walls, trying to block the boy out but he'll have none of it. He observes Armin's face, stepping closer as he steps back until he hits the trunk of a tree and Eren has him cornered. He enters his personal space, noticing the frantic breathing and flushed cheeks. "Do you...," he says softly and he can see Armin trembling. "Do you like me, Armin?"

He doesn't need to ask what he means. He takes a breath and something about that makes Eren's stomach somersault. "I don't think that has anything to do with this."

"Don't avoid the question, Armin."

Ocean glances to emerald and it's all Eren needs before Armin slips under his arms and moves back towards the deserted field, his back facing him. Eren feels something shift in his chest and feels a pang of guilt as he sees Armin cross his arms across his chest, seemingly shrinking in on himself. He reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, hating the way he flinches. "Armin," he says gently but the blond shrugs him off. "Don't say anything."

"Armin —"

"Don't!"

The raise of his voice sends a shot through his heart but doesn't sway him. He's messed up and now he needs to make things right. "Look, it's not a big deal," he tries and when Armin turns around he feels himself shatter. An ocean of tears is spilling from his eyes and Eren sees a mix of hurt and anger burning there. "Not a big deal?!" he asks and Eren steps back unconsciously. "So you don't care about me anymore, is that it? You shut me out because of some stupid rumor and because you care more about what people think than considering your best friend? And now you know the rumors are true, so you try to make this out to be some little crush that'll go away after a few days? I'm _in love with you_ , Eren!" he shouts before turning and walking away. It takes a second for Eren's feet to move but when they do, he's running after his best friend, grabbing his arm and pulling him back around. "I'm not trying to make this out to be a little crush," he says and Armin is listening. "I...I know how much this means to you."

"Do you. Do you really."

"Yes, I do. I didn't mean to make you upset, I just...."

A knot forms in his throat but he forces himself to speak. "I just wanted to know if...what they were saying was true...."

Armin doesn't say anything and Eren kind of hopes he would so it would kill this unbearable silence. "If you really... thought of me that way...."

"What does it matter to you? Did you want to find out just to mess with me? To ridicule me for ever thinking such a thing could happen between us?"

Crystalline tears are running down his cheeks and Eren wishes he knew what he could say to make it better. "I wouldn't make fun of you, Armin," he says and something about the way he says it makes the blond meet his eyes. "Especially not for something like this. I was just...."

Eren's never been particularly good with words. He can't just talk and have everything turn out the way it needs to like Armin can. He doesn't know exactly when to offer reassurance, how to explain what he's feeling, or what he can say that can make Armin's tears go away. So he takes a second, staring into ocean eyes, wondering if this were the other way around, what would he want to hear? What would Armin say to him that would put that gentle smile on his face and make him feel like whatever was wrong never happened? But he knows this is a delicate situation and right now he needs to be there for him so he has to think of something and think of it quick. But he doesn't want to rush into it and say something he wants to take back. Words tumble around in Eren's mind, becoming mixed up and tangled until nothing is making sense and he isn't sure he understands English anymore. He has to say something, _**do**_ something. Anything that will fix this. Because this is all that matters and if he loses Armin, he loses everything. 

He must be taking too long because Armin turns his head. "It's fine. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to comfort me or say you feel the same. I get it. It won't happen and it never will and leading me on is just going to hurt us both. Just forget it ever happened," he says seemingly final, and turns on his heel to leave. But Eren can't let that happen. He hasn't said what needs to be said so he grabs Armin's shoulder and spins him around with a bit more force than he intended. "Armin, wait, I'm not — I don't .... You're really.... I don't mind that you .... It's not that I ...."

He groans in frustration with himself but Armin doesn't seem to really care about his fumbling. "What I'm trying to say ... I-I just ...."

Eren takes a breath, staring into ocean eyes and finds something there that pushes him forward. Something that makes him desperate to figure out what he wants to say and gives him a boost of courage he thinks he needed. Something in him snaps. "Goddamnit, Armin!" is what he says as he grabs the front of his shirt and crashes their lips together. He feels shaky hands come up to his nape and tangle in chocolate hair, and he's kissing him back just as forcefully. Eren lets all of his frustration out into the kiss, somehow trying to show Armin what he means by kissing him senseless. What he's doing doesn't fully register as his mind is focused solely on the feeling of Armin's mouth as it glides against his. He takes fistfuls of golden hair and the front of his uniform, pulling their bodies flush together. His tongue slips between Armin's lips and into his mouth, feeling warm breath pant quick and heavy against his skin. Their tongues dance, hands grabbing hold of anything they can reach, as if to reassure themselves that this is really happening. Eren feels like something in his chest is about to explode but he can't tell if it's his heart or his lungs. Maybe both. He doesn't want to pull himself away from the familiarity of Armin's lips, but he does anyway in his natural instinct to breathe. He tries to catch his breath, staring into ocean eyes and watching them flit over his face, as if they're searching for something. "I care about you . . . ." he decides to say and though it isn't exactly what he wanted to say, it's a start. "More than anything or anyone else in the entire world. I want to explore the outside world with you. To see the ocean with you . . . ."

Eren's lost track of what he's saying now. Words are just beginning to flow and he thinks it might be easier this way. Something about kissing Armin restored whatever composure he had lost to help him fix the holes he had dug for himself. "And I don't want something like this to have such an effect on you. I can tell you're upset and I hate that."

Cerulean eyes still stare, lips still unmoving. "I don't want some stupid rumor to come between us. I'm sorry I pushed you too hard, I just needed to figure things out and I didn't know how to do that. Do you forgive me?"

He looks at Armin with almost pleading eyes, his heart aching in anticipation. Then the blond gives a small smile. "Of course I do."

Eren grins, pulling Armin towards him to kiss him again. The blond melts into it, taking fistfuls of chocolate hair as their mouths glide with renewed passion. His hands are on Armin's lithe hips, pulling him closer until they run out of oxygen and are forced to pull away. Eren leans his forehead against Armin's, letting out a sigh of what might've been relief or perhaps unadulterated joy. He sees the blond's lips curve into a smile and he can't help reflecting the gesture, feeling like he's on top of the world.


	34. Reluctant Heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about spoilers because this makes no sense and is in no way connected to canon

Eren slams into a nearby roof, the skin of his palm grinding against the harsh tiles. It burns and stings, but he ignores the pain, looking over his shoulder at what remains of Shiganshina. Buildings have been smashed in the fight and he can see the smoke from his titan form creeping over the rooftops like an omen of death. He doesn't know how many of them are remaining, and how many of those are still fighting. He thinks it's useless now. That their efforts are going to be for nothing.

He grits his teeth and lets out a scoff. Despite the impossibility of humanity's success in this war, he can't help feeling like he's failed. That if he had been quicker, stronger, then maybe humanity would still have a chance. A tear runs down his face and he's surprised he hadn't noticed he was crying. He hurriedly wipes away the tears because he can't cry. He's pathetic enough already. The raw skin on his palm stings as it absorbs the salinity, but right now he doesn't care.

He looks out across the city, over what he can see of it, looking for any sign of anybody. But he finds none. His chest tightens and his heart constricts, wrapping around his throat and squeezing tight. He suddenly can't breathe, can't think. His friends, his comrades — _**everyone**_ is probably dead by now. The war is over. The titans have won.

He falls to his knees and slams his hands on the tiles, feeling the impact shake his bones. He lets out a scream and feels the tears return, quicker this time. More pathetic. His body shakes with his sobs and he's so overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness he isn't sure he's actually feeling anything. He aches and burns and stings and throbs and it's absolute agony. Everything hurts, all at once, as harshly as it can.

“Eren?" a familiar voice calls out and he looks over his shoulder in disbelief. It can't be . . . 

He lands on the roof more gracefully than Eren had, blond hair blowing softly in the breeze. Ocean eyes are dark and stormy, but as they land on him, they calm ever so slightly. "Eren," he breathes, rushing over to him and Eren rises to his feet. He stops before him, seeming as though he isn't quite sure what to do. He reaches his hand out and firmly places it on Eren's shoulder and he feels something again, if only for a moment. Something happy and wonderful in the midst of all this hell. "Armin," he smiles and feels another tear run down his face, his voice quivering horribly. "Eren, the others, they . . . ," he begins gently, but he doesn't have to finish because Eren already knows. "We're the only ones left."

He grimaces and Eren's heart shatters. It's just them, standing here on the edge of nothing, knowing that tomorrow will probably never come. He never thought it would come down to this. "Armin, I'm sorry," he sobs and the blond takes his other shoulder. "Hey," he says with an attempt at a smile, but his voice trembles. "Don't say that. You have no reason to be sorry."

"I-I'm sorry I . . . couldn't do this for y-you."

"Do what for me?"

"This," he says, gesturing vaguely at the rubble around them. "I couldn't win this war f-for you."

"Eren," he mumbles, losing the rest of his sentence and letting it fall. “I was only fighting th-this damn thing to get our freedom b-back. So we c-could see the outside world."

Ocean eyes are soft as they look at him and Eren feels his heart ache. "I'm so s-sorry, Armin. If it had been another time, a-another world, maybe we could've been happy out there."

"Eren," he says again and he gets the feeling he should stop talking so he does. Armin gives him a fragile smile before leaning his head up and pressing their lips together. The touch is gentle and Eren's heart melts, his mind going completely clear. His hand comes up to soft blond hair as Armin's cups his face, capturing his lips in another soft kiss. When he pulls away, Eren sees tears shimmering in his eyes, but still he continues to smile. "I d-didn't have to see the outside world to be happy. Not as long as I had you by my side."

Eren lets out a breath, giving his best attempt at a grin. It's easier than he expects it to be. "Armin," he mutters, clasping his hand over the one at his cheek. He leans their foreheads together and he sees Armin swallow, his lips parting softly on a breath. "I'm scared, Eren," he says, his voice wavering. Eren gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "Me too, Armin."

He hears Armin let out a quiet sob and squeezes his eyes tightly shut. "Me too."

“Promise me," the blond says, pulling away enough to look at him. Tears are pouring from his eyes like waterfalls now. "Promise m-me you won't leave. No matter wh-what happens. Stay by my s-side."

He lets out something between a laugh and a sob. "Of course I will," he says and Armin's face crumples with sorrow before Eren rushes forwards and kisses him again. He throws his arms around Eren's neck, pulling him as close as he possibly can. Their lips seem to fit together perfectly and Eren wishes he had done this sooner. Before they were staring death straight in the eyes. They pull away reluctantly and are suddenly overcome in shadow and when Eren looks, he sees a titan looming over them with blood-stained teeth. He gulps, feeling fearful of what's about to happen to them. Though he's also somehow at peace. He knows he's too weak to shift and even if he did and he managed to get them both out of there alive, what kind of life would they be living? A life of fear. A life of pain. Maybe it was better this way.

He looks back to Armin who shows so much emotion in those ocean eyes Eren loves so much. He suddenly doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to leave things like this. He doesn't want to see the fear and pain written on Armin's face before things fade to black. He wishes they could've gotten to the outside world. He wishes they had seen the ocean and he could see that look of wonder in Armin's eyes once more. He wishes they could've lived a long, happy life together somewhere far from this place. Far from the titans.

"I love you," he sobs, clutching Armin's shoulders tightly. A tear rolls down his cheek and he sniffles. "I l-love you too," he gasps. He manages to give him one last kiss before they're being picked up and brought towards open jaws. Eren looks into his eyes and tries to get lost there as he has so many times before because maybe it'll distract him from what's about to happen to them. They continue to stare at each other as they enter the titans mouth and as its teeth sink into their flesh and the world goes black.


	35. The Daily Prophet

Eren opens and closes his mouth as he stares at the newspaper in his hands. "Wh-what?" he finally manages to stutter and he hears Jean let out a sigh. "Rita Skeeter. World's noisiest reporter. Trust me, man, she could've done far worse."

"But, I — we ... ," he stammers before shoving the newspaper in Jean's face because he can't form a proper sentence. Hazel eyes glance over the print, over the moving picture Eren knows is on the front, before looking back up at his friend. "What?"

"It's — wrong — it's all wrong. Armin and I aren't ... ," he trails off, turning the paper back around to stare at the front page. Rita Skeeter had been strangely obsessed with Eren's every move since she arrived at Hogwarts and he had no idea why. It was unnerving to think that everything he did was being monitored and written down for the world to potentially see. But even though Eren had brought his complaint to the headmaster himself, he had just smiled and assured him that no damage would be done. 

So what was this? What was this picture of his best friend throwing his arms around his neck in a tight embrace, kissing him lightly on the cheek before quickly turning away? Their photograph counterparts look at each other and then towards him in surprise as the flash goes off and it continues in a perpetual, embarrassing cycle. Hug, kiss, picture. Over and over. Was this not damage?

"You know, it really isn't that bad," Jean speaks up and Eren gives him a glare. "What do you mean, _**isn't that bad**_ — are you serious?"

"I mean at least she didn't catch you two banging in a classroom or something."

Eren feels his face flush and he's overwhelmed with anger. "Jean!" he cries indignantly, but the boy looks at him with a calm gaze. "I told you we aren't together!"

"Then I don't see the problem. If you aren't being outed by the _Daily Prophet_ , then why are you getting so worked up about it?"

Eren glares at him silently, opening his mouth to say something before promptly shutting it. He feels embarrassed and angry, upset and exposed, and it just isn't fair. Rita Skeeter shouldn't be broadcasting his relationships like that. And what about Armin? What would happen to him? Eren's halfway across the Gryffindor common room before he realizes he's moving.

He's walking blind down the corridors, his feet carrying him down a familiar path all on their own. A cloud of rage and fear sinks over his eyes and it's all he can see, but then he's in the library and his gaze falls on someone that makes his vision clear. He's sitting calmly by the window in his usual spot, seemingly engrossed in a thick volume of charms or potions. 

Eren marches over to the table where he sits and plops haphazardly into the seat across from him, startling him from his reading. When ocean eyes meet his, Eren swears he sees him blush before he looks back at the parchment. "Hi, Eren," he says and his eyes are glued to the same spot in his book. "Armin, can I talk to you?" he finds himself asking and when his friend looks up, he looks almost nervous. "Um, sure," he mutters, closing the book and placing it off to the side as if expecting their conversation to take place in the library. Eren quickly rises from his chair and the blond glances up at him, tucking his hair behind his ear. Without a word, he stands and pushes in his chair. 

Eren isn't sure where they're going, but after a short walk, they're in a secluded corner and it's just them. Them and the elephant in the room. Eren turns to his best friend with butterflies in his stomach, and he takes a deep breath in a feeble attempt to settle their fluttering. "Have you seen it?"

He doesn't ask what _it_ is. "Yeah," he says softly and Eren isn't exactly sure where to go from here. He isn't even sure why they're here right now. "Has anyone mentioned it?"

"No. But a few people sent me some weird looks, so I'm assuming they know."

Eren nods his head solemnly and suddenly an apology is spilling from his lips. "What are you apologizing for?"

"I don't know."

They stand in silence a moment before Armin chuckles. It lacks any mirth. "If anyone should be apologizing, it's me."

"Armin, you don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything."

"Well," he breathes, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "If I didn't ... kiss your cheek none of this would've happened."

Eren's heart stutters at the word kiss and he swallows. "Armin, you know what Rita Skeeter's like. Even if you didn't, she'd find some other way to spread rumors about us."

He's taking a step forward, just into Armin's personal space and his mind goes suddenly fuzzy. "We shouldn't have to change our lives because of her. If she wants to spread lies, that's her own problem, not ours. Let her say what she wants."

Eren thinks that this is a dramatic change of heart from just a few minutes ago, but then Armin looks up at him through his lashes and he can't think anymore. "But what if ... what if she's right?"

Images of _Arlert and Jaeger: Are They Dating?_ and _It appears the Ravenclaw at least has romantic feelings for his friend_ flash through his mind and his heart stops before restarting at a faster pace. "Armin ... ," he starts, but he can't quite finish, seeing ocean eyes glance nervously up at him before flicking to the ground. His brain short-circuits, his stomach somersaults, and everything is suddenly surreal, as if he's in a dream.

When their lips meet, Eren is a bit surprised at what he's done and abruptly fears that maybe he's read this wrong. But then Armin's lips move gently against his own and he relaxes, placing his hands tentatively on the blond's waist. He feels Armin's fingers curl gently into the front of his robes, pulling him closer so their chests touch. Eren's world is spinning and his grip on Armin's hips and the way one kiss is followed by another is his only tether to reality.

It's a millennia before they pull away and when they do, they stare at each other, seemingly in disbelief. Eren tries to think of something to say, but finds his vocabulary has disappeared and he isn't sure he actually knows how to speak a language anymore. But thankfully, Armin grins and giggles gently and says something for him. "I have a feeling we're gonna be on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ for awhile."

Eren chuckles under his breath as the first blur of words returns to his memory. "I think we will."


	36. Dear Diary

No one knew about my dairy. I had gotten it when I started middle school with the money I had from my allowance. It was a way to deal with stress and anxiety and it honestly really helped me. I usually just scribbled a few notes here and there when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed at school or in general. It was an escape for me.

And then puberty happened. And I developed some intense feelings for a particular brunet. Being fourteen and terrified of literally everything, I freaked out and tried to ignore the way I felt about him. But being best friends didn't give me much time to escape him. So I found myself turning to my diary to vent my romantic frustrations. Years of repressed feelings came bubbling to the surface in brilliant rainbow waves, dying every page in their wake. And eventually nearly every page was stained with their colors. So naturally, whenever he came over, I kept my diary hidden away. Except for today.

He had asked if he could come over and I had agreed. I had finished scribbling something in my diary before straightening out my hair and fixing my appearance. But the doorbell rang before I was done and I had rushed down the stairs, too wrapped up in my excitement to remember to put away my diary.

I let him in and he gave me that smile that made my stomach flutter and we headed up to my room as usual. I must've been distracted with talking when I walked into the room and over to my window because the next thing I knew, he was saying the words I had just written. 

“Finals are coming up and I'm feeling stressed again. I just hope I study enough. Armin, is this a diary?" he asked with a smirk as if this wasn't at all serious. Little did he know, my entire world was going to fall apart if he went back just a few pages. "Eren, don't!" I cried, throwing myself across the bed at him, but he stepped back out of my reach. He flipped the pages and I felt my heart drop. I ran over to him and grabbed for the book, but he kept yanking it out of my reach. "Something interesting happened today. We talked again and I did something really stupid."

"Eren!" I cried, lunging forwards and flailing my arms to no avail. "Don't read that!"

He ignored me, continuing to smile and avoid me. He really didn't know what was about to happen, did he? He held the book over his shoulder where I couldn't reach. "Well, I guess it wasn't so bad. I don't think he realized the meaning behind it. But I invited him to the movies and . . . ,"

I threw my arms around his neck to grab the book, but it was too far and I gave up trying. I suddenly realized the position we were in and blushed furiously, but I didn't move away. It was . . . _nice_ being so close to Eren. I saw emerald eyes glance furtively across the writing and I knew what he was reading. I had asked him to the movies a few days before, deciding I would confess afterwards. We had watched the movie and then gone for a walk in the park and he had looked particularly adorable and it made me want to kiss him. And I nearly had. I had been staring at him so long he had taken notice and giggled and asked me some sort of question. I think I had said I was just worried about finals. But really I was distracted by warm emerald eyes and full pink lips.

"Armin," he breathed and I was brought back to the present, feeling weight sink heavy and suffocating in my chest. "I-I . . . ," I stuttered and he turned back to me, our noses inches apart. I swallowed, feeling my blush creep across my entire face and down my neck. My skin burned and my throat went dry and I licked my lips, trying to catch my suddenly labored breath. "Um . . . I was go-going to tell you . . . well, I guess you already know, I . . . um . . . ."

I glanced at him then hurriedly to the ground, feeling my pulse accelerate at an alarming rate. "You . . . wanted to . . . kiss me?" he spoke up and I shut my eyes, nodding sheepishly, my fingers subconsciously messing with the hair at his nape. I swallowed, waiting for everything to fall apart and take me down as it fell into oblivion. "You know . . . ," he muttered gently, but his words shook my entire world. "I wanted to kiss you too."

I looked up from the ground and noticed just how _**close**_ we were. My heart was in equilibrium and I couldn't tell if it had stopped or was racing so fast that I couldn't feel each individual beat. The world faded away until it was just Eren and I, standing in each other's air, our breath tangling together. And then he was kissing me and my heart leaped into my throat before plummeting into my stomach. I felt like my insides had flipped upside down and twisted into a giant knot full of butterflies. But then my mind focused solely on Eren and his lips and the way they moved against mine. They way his hands settled on the small of my back and pulled me closer, the way our stomachs brushed ever so slightly as he kissed me again.

Just as softly as he had come, he pulled away and I felt my lips tingle with the ghost of his kiss. My eyes fluttered open and when I met his gaze, I couldn't help letting out a laugh. I smiled and he grinned, giggling along with me. He engulfed me in a bear hug and we somehow ended up by my bed. We fell back onto the mattress as he peppered my face with kisses. I giggled as he planted his lips to my nose and across my cheeks and forehead and chin before pecking my lips softly. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he smiled and I raised a brow. "I think I do. Have you seen how many pages I filled?"

"Are they all about me?"

"Mostly."

"Sorry about reading your diary by the way. I didn't think it'd be so personal. But it was still a dick move and I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I laughed. "I mean it meant I got to kiss you, so I'm not displeased."

We smiled and he leaned down to kiss me again before sitting up and pulling me against his chest. "Can I read the rest?"

"Sure."

"Will you read it to me?"

"If you want me to," I giggled, taking it from his hands. He inched closer, his arm draped over my shoulder and I snuggled into his warmth, pressing a kiss to his cheek as I opened to the beginning. We spent the next few hours reliving my years of embarrassment and infatuation, sneaking kisses in between a few of the entries.


	37. Dreams

At first, it was soft, and Eren thought he might've been hearing things. It was late, everyone in the barracks was asleep, had been for hours. That's how it went every night, the cadets getting some precious rest for their aching bodies but not Eren. He'd toss and turn all night, and the only time he glimpsed sleep, it was flooded with nightmares that would jolt him back awake. There was no way he heard a voice, it must've been his head messing with him again. A fragment of a dream that was beginning to form. And so he shut his eyes and returned to his continual cycle of trying to catch the ever-elusive sleep.

But then he heard it again, louder this time, and he knew it was unmistakably real. Someone was saying his name, their voice soft and quiet. He thought he recognized the voice and quietly crept out of bed and climbed to the bunk above his. Taking a breath, he pulled open the curtains to see Armin laying there, his eyes shut, squirming under the covers. He whimpered, whipping his head around, taking in a quick breath. "E-Eren," he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Eren figured he must've been having a nightmare. Perhaps reliving the events at Trost as he'd once confided in the brunet. He was going to shake him awake, bring him back from the likely hell he was seeing flash behind his eyelids, but stopped himself mid reach. "Eren p-please...."

Another thought came to mind but Eren dismissed it before it even had a chance to fully form. He was just jumping to conclusions, there was no way it could be—

Armin moaned and turned over to face Eren, his eyes clamped shut and his cheeks flooded pink. His skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his breathing was ragged. His hips twisted under the sheets like he was uncomfortable and Eren felt himself blush. "'M gonna...."

Eren couldn't help but watch shamelessly as Armin squirmed in his bunk. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt something like excitement beginning to burn somewhere in his stomach. He saw Armin's back arch and he writhed, letting out another small whimper and then it was over and he had settled back into the mattress. 

His pyjama pants felt a few sizes too small. He bit his lip, overwhelmed and completely breathless at what he had just witnessed. He tried to leave, to drag himself away now that whatever that was was over. But he stayed, his eyes drifting over Armin's face and realizing, once again, how breathtakingly beautiful his best friend really was. He waited in a moment of silent admiration, tracing every feature of the blond's face before his gentle lashes lifted to reveal ocean blue eyes. Their gazes met and a look of absolute mortification settled on their faces. Armin swallowed nervously. "E-Eren...."


	38. 7 Minutes in Heaven

Armin hated parties. He always had and probably always would. Eren always disappeared on him in the first twenty minutes and he usually spent the whole time looking for him and standing alone in the corner. And Jean's party was no exception. It was all the same; drunk teenagers swaying to the music, grinding against each other, covered in a thin layer of sweat. Everyone he knew was always either drunk beyond all reason or too busy with other things to even notice he was there.

Deciding to take a break from the noise, he began to wander around the house to search for a room that wasn't being used as a place to make out. And he eventually found one, but as soon as he opened the door, he wished he hadn't. He had stumbled upon what appeared to be some sort of party game, and he made eye contact with Eren, who sat among the group. "Armin!" he cried, grinning. He didn't seem as drunk as Armin thought he would be. "We're playing a game, wanna join? We could use another player."

Armin had never been one for party games. They were always unnecessarily embarrassing, or sexual, or both. And if Eren was participating in said game, he didn't think he could handle something like that. 

Unfortunately, the small amount of alcohol he had had was enough to make him forget his usual reasoning. He just shrugged and took a seat in an empty space beside Sasha. "Alright, who should start?" Connie asked. They eventually decided Jean should go first since it was his party. He placed a bottle in the middle of the floor and Armin felt his heart sink. He gave it a spin and it landed on Marco. Jean coughed awkwardly and stood, walking towards a nearby closet. Someone set a timer for seven minutes and the others talked while they waited for the two to return. Armin heard quiet moans coming from the closet and blushed. He glanced at Eren for reassurance that he was not the only one who felt weird listening to Jean and Marco doing who knows what to each other in a closet. But the brunet was too busy taking a sip of his beer to notice. When seven minutes was up, Jean and Marco emerged from the closet disheveled and out of breath. 

More people spun the bottle, each pair coming back with some sort of evidence of a more than platonic encounter. And then it was Eren's turn. It spun and spun, around like a pinwheel before slowing and settling on Armin. He blushed profusely, but stood and followed Eren to the closet. They went inside and closed the door and Armin waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He felt Eren shift closer to him. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to,” he told the blond and he nodded despite the fact Eren probably couldn't see him. But Armin did want to. So, being as drunk as he was — which wasn't much by other people's standards — he bit his lip and took a step closer. "We could fake it."

He was becoming accustomed to the dark and could now focus on the curve of Eren's lips vividly. He chuckled. "What, you mean like—" he moaned and Armin's pupils dilated in the dark. "No," he said, reaching for Eren's shoulder. "I mean like —"

He kissed his lips softly, confused as to why he was so brave all of a sudden. He felt Eren kiss him back, but he pulled away and brought his lips to his neck, sucking a spot there gently. Nervous blue eyes glanced up at his best friend and everything stilled. They stood in each other's personal space, their breath mingling together, Armin's fingers lingering on Eren's skin. But then the boy spoke up. "I'm okay with that," and he brought their lips together, harder this time. Armin let out a noise between a squeak and a whimper, reaching up to tangle his hand in Eren's hair. The kisses became faster, more desperate, hands beginning to slide up and down each other, memorizing every detail in the darkness. Eren pulled away, leaving a trail of light kisses along his jawline and down his neck, kissing, licking, and sucking at the pale skin. Armin moaned softly as Eren left a mark on the crook of his neck, his hands sliding under his shirt. He pulled the boy closer, his arms grabbing his shoulders and holding tight, unsure that this was actually real.

Eren brought their mouths together again pressing Armin against the wall. His knee brushed against Armin's crotch and the boy moaned, letting Eren stick his tongue inside his mouth. Armin forgot how to breathe, his limbs feeling weak and useless, his whimpers and groans uncontainable. "Eren," he breathed between kisses, gasping at the boy's gentle touch. He shifted and Armin blushed as he felt something press against his thigh. "Armin," he muttered and said boy shivered, loving how his name rolled off the brunet's tongue. Eren ground their hips together and the blond let out a strangled moan. They groaned and whimpered, panting as they pressed together and Armin had never felt this good in his life.

There was a knock on the door and they stopped, Eren's fingers in the process of unbuttoning Armin's shirt, their tongues in each other's mouths. "You guys can come out now," someone said from outside. They pulled away from each other and Armin tried to straighten out his hair and clothing. He was just about to open the door when Eren grabbed his shoulder, turned him around, and kissed him hard. He reached down and brushed his hand against the front of Armin's pants, causing him to moan. "I'll take care of this later,” he said before turning the doorknob and leaving the cramped closet.


	39. Kissing Practice

It was a warm summer's night and Armin was splayed over Eren's bed, reading one of the many interesting books on the boy's shelf. Said boy was sitting next to him, his legs crossed, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Eren had invited him over hours ago and they had watched a movie with Mikasa but mostly just stayed in Eren's room, enjoying each other's company. "Hey, Armin,” Eren said, his voice strange in the silence. "Yeah?" he asked, taking a glance at his best friend. His cheeks were a bit redder than Armin remembered. "Do you—" 

He hummed to clear his throat. "Do you know how to kiss?"

The question hung in the air, the blond's face blushing profusely. He saved the page in his book and sat up next to the brunet, who now met his gaze. Armin had always loved Eren's eyes. 

"Wh-what?" he stuttered, not entirely sure he had heard him right. "You know — kissing. You're smart so I figured . . . y-you would know."

Eren was never one to stutter. He had never had a way with words like Armin did, but he was always careful, honest, certain. It wasn't like him to let his emotions slip into his speech so noticeably. His tone would change if he was sad or his eyes would burn with anger. But he was never nervous or unsure about what he was going to say. And that thought alone sent Armin's heart thundering even louder in his chest.

"No, I — I don't,” he replied honestly, attempting to hide his blush with the wave of his hair and failing miserably. An awkward silence fell over them for a moment before Eren broke it again. "Do you — uh . . . do you think you could . . . teach me?"

Despite his heart becoming a professional gymnast, nearly flipping itself out of his chest, Armin giggled. "Eren, how could I possibly teach you something I don't know anything about?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way," the boy said almost instantly and the blond's breath hitched. He suddenly realized just how little space was between them. He supposed it had always been like this — thighs pressed together, fingers brushing as they walked — but this was different. There was a different air to this, a different something between them. And Armin found his eyes falling to his best friend's lips and wondering why he was feeling like he was drowning. He didn't say anything. He found himself leaning forwards towards Eren. Towards the possible end of a childhood friendship. Towards the end of all he'd ever known.

The first kiss was soft, chaste, and hesitant. Neither boy knew what to do, so they just sat, their lips pressed together, something new fluttering in their chests. Armin pulled back after a few seconds, his eyes half-lidded and unsure of what to do next. All he knew was that Eren's lips were soft and extremely addictive. So he found himself kissing him again and everything seemed to click. Armin's hands tangled in Eren's hair and his rested on the blond's hips. Another gentle kiss turned to another, each getting more desperate yet staying equally inexperienced. Teeth accidentally clicked and drool ran down their chins, but they had soon memorized each other's mouths and found the way they best moulded together. Eren decided to experiment a little and ran his tongue along Armin's bottom lip.

When the blond moaned, Eren pulled away. Armin stared at him, absolute mortification on his face. He expected him to sneer in disgust, get angry and yell at him, maybe just walk out of the room. Even though, deep down, he knew he wouldn't do something like that. So when Eren smirked before plunging his tongue into the blond's mouth, Armin felt some sort of mix of relief, surprise, and vindication. The brunet pushed him back on the bed and straddled him. Armin found his hands gripping Eren's shoulders, their mouths pressing together with a bit more force, making a whimper slip from his lips. Eren's hands were rough, but gentle, pressing softly on the skin of Armin's hip. The boy shivered as the brunet slipped them underneath the cotton of his t-shirt, running his warm hand over the span of Armin's stomach.

"Is this okay?" he asked between pants. Armin found himself breathing, "Absolutely," before pulling him down for another. Tongues danced and Eren's hand had hiked Armin's shirt up to his chest, running along the soft skin. The blond whimpered when Eren lowered his lips from Armin's, leaving a trail of kisses along his jaw and down his neck. "E-Eren," he breathed, shivering at the feeling of the boy's lips ghosting over his skin. He squirmed as his pants became tighter with every touch. But then the brunet's knee accidentally brushed against him and he let out a moan. "Pl-please . . . ."

"Please what?" Eren replied, half joking, half serious. He didn't say anything, just pulled him down on top of him, kissing him deeply. Armin pressed their hips together, whimpering quietly. Eren was just as interested as he was. He slipped his hands under the boy's shirt and tugged at the hem. He broke the kiss, panting. "Off," he commanded and Eren smirked before removing the garment and throwing it blindly across the room. He kissed Armin again, lowering his mouth to the blond's neck and sucking at the sensitive skin. He thanked whatever deity he could think of that Mikasa was downstairs watching a movie at nearly full volume and that Eren's parents weren't home. His kisses got lower and lower until he arrived at the hem of Armin's shorts and he glanced up at the blond. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. Armin smiled at his concern and placed a reassuring hand on his cheek. "I'm sure."

The brunet turned to give his hand a slow kiss before undoing the button and zipper of his shorts and pulling them off. Though Armin could feel his face heating up a bit in embarrassment, he was far too distracted to care. Eren hooked his fingers around the waistband of his boxer briefs before taking them off entirely. Armin moaned as Eren wrapped his lips around him, using his tongue to lick along his length. "E-Eren," he gasped, putting his hands in the brunet's hair and tilting his head back in pleasure. The boy moaned and it sent shock waves through Armin's body, causing him to let out a loud groan. "Oh my god, do that again," he begged and he complied, making Armin begin to doubt reality. He was seeing stars and his entire body felt like it was burning, but he loved the flames. Eren went a bit faster, bobbing his head up and down, and a string of moans and broken profanities fell from his lips. He could feel himself reaching his breaking point and decided to warn Eren. "Eren, I-I'm gonna . . . .”

The boy caught on and started sucking harder and the blond didn't know how to speak anymore. Suddenly, he reached his climax, his back arching as he came into Eren's mouth, his name ripping from his throat. He worked him through the aftershocks and Armin's body went slack, thoroughly relaxed and exhausted. But he still felt Eren's own problem against his thigh and he flipped them over, his hands reaching down to his pants. "Alright," he said, pulling down his underwear and taking him in his hand, loving the way he gasped. "My turn."


	40. Humidity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be some spoilers

The humidity weighs heavy in the summer air like the blade of a guillotine ready to drop. And right now, Eren feels like it's him about to be executed. There's a tightness in his chest, an unease in his stomach, but the grounds for his reactions are unfounded. If he's honest, there isn't really a good reason he feels so tense, so nervous, like he's running to meet death square in the face. It was his idea anyway. He chose to do this.

And of course, it wasn't as serious as half the things he and the other scouts had to deal with every day, but it feels like the hardest and most frightening thing he's ever done. Maybe it's because he has no idea how to work with people. Titans, no big deal with a little training. They all act the same, even the abnormals. Show up, destroy, kill. All for bloodlust. Humans are much more complicated.

Eren has to push the burning hatred for the titans and the bitter memory of his mother out of his mind. He can't deal with any of that now. He needs to focus. He has to. Because if he doesn't fully grasp the overwhelming importance of what he's about to do, there's a good chance he'd just walk away. But he can't. He has to do this before it's too late.

He takes a deep breath as his feet lead him to the barracks. It's a familiar path, but this time each step brings another beat of anxiety. He'd never been good at controlling his feelings, and usually it came in handy. Anger could often override the entirely human instinct to survive and the fear of that being taken away. But not now. Now, he can think of nothing but the fear.

Eren has to remind himself that it doesn't matter. In the grand scope of things, the absolute terror he feels is completely irrational. But it's so important to him. Yes, other people would think it trivial that he was so worked up over all this, but he was and that was that. And that needed to be dealt with before it got any worse.

He presses his fingers against the stickiness of the door and takes a deep breath before pushing it open. His gaze falls on the object of his nerves, the very thing that's causing the emotional torment he's tired of ignoring. "Armin."

His voice is a bit more forced and sharp than he intended, but when the blond raises his head from his book, he doesn't look swayed. "We need to talk."

Eren has been avoiding talking about this for long enough, he decides getting straight to the point is the best approach. Before it's too late. A look of what Eren registers as possible trepidation washes over Armin's face, but he quickly composes himself. "Sure, Eren. What—"

"Dungeon," is his only response. It was more quiet down there. More secluded. Less distractions. Armin saves his place in his book, putting it aside, before standing and following Eren down the stairs to the dungeons.

It's slightly cooler underground, the summer heat seeping through the castle walls mostly blocked by the ceiling. It's dark, a few torches flickering gently on the walls. Eren lets his eyes adjust before turning to face his lifelong friend. Despite the boy's aura of ease, comfort even, Eren can see right through his facade. It was actually kind of a contradiction. He could never understand people — what they felt, what they thought. But he could read Armin like an open book.

"Eren," he begins. "What's wrong?"

Suddenly the thoughts he had spent so long trying to gather are scattered, tossed out of his hands like a football. He pauses, tearing his eyes from Armin and glancing around the room as if hoping to find his thoughts waiting for him somewhere else. "I didn't say there was anything wrong."

The bitterness of his voice stings both of them, Eren can tell. "Eren, I've known you since we were kids. I can tell when something's upsetting you. And something obviously is so what is it?"

Eren doesn't let the blond's unexpected harshness get to him. He clears his throat. "So, what's going on with Jean?"

He fixes him with a hard gaze and Armin's mood immediately changes. His face softens and he shifts his weight. "What do you mean?"

"You tell me."

Blue eyes dart between green. "There's nothing between us."

"Really? You talk to him all the time, you make sure he doesn't get his ass in trouble again, I'd hardly call that nothing."

Armin bites his lip. "That's all it is."

"Sure."

He can tell the blond is affected. He sees a small glint of fire in his eyes before it's extinguished. "Eren, we're just friends, nothing more."

There's a tense silence as Eren lets his gaze run over his best friend's face. So much has changed since they were young. But he supposes much of that had probably been his fault. Feelings weren't his forte and keeping them at bay wasn't either. Maybe he'd gone a little too far; shown too much of his heart to the world. Maybe that's what made them drift apart. Whatever the reason, Eren can't help feeling a searing anger for what it was. 

"I'm your friend too, you know."

Armin's composure seems to falter for a second, but Eren doesn't let himself jump to conclusions. He's believed so many things just because of wishful thinking, so he tells himself it had just been a trick of the light. "I don't see you there to pick up after me. I don't see you giving a damn about anything I do."

"Eren.”

"Does this even mean anything to you? Us? Or is it just some thing you can throw away whenever you get bored of it — ?"

"It was never just a _**thing**_ ," he interjects, raising his voice a little. "Quite frankly, it's all I care about."

"It sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

Armin looks away, a mix of anger and sadness in his eyes. Along with the frustration came the prospect of guilt and apology. Eren doesn't want either. He just wants Armin back. The one he knew. The one he used to know way back when.

"What was it then? Huh? Did I do something? Was there some reason you walked out on me?"

"On you?"

Eren wants to say something, but finds he can't. Armin takes a step closer. "You think you're the only one who's affected by this distance between us? If I wanted to walk out, I would've done it five years ago."

He sighs, but Armin doesn't back off. "I was there for you ever since we became cadets. I thought maybe if someone showed you a little kindness, if there was someone on your side when no one else was, that maybe you'd...," he cuts off, turning and taking a step away. "That maybe I'd what?"

He turns back around with a burning passion. "That maybe you'd pay attention to me!"

Eren blinks, taken aback by the sudden outburst. The blond approaches him again, but keeps a good distance between them. Enough to keep him marginally sane. "That maybe for once you'd stop focusing so much on what was going on and enjoy what you had before it was gone."

He recoils, letting a sigh drift softly to the ground. "Armin," he mutters, his voice much softer than it had been before. "I know I've been kind of an asshole —"

"Kind of?"

"Alright, a complete asshole and I'm sorry. I just...."

The blond doesn't say anything. He just watches, a look of anticipation in his familiar ocean eyes. That was always the thing with Armin. Eren would always assume things, twisting people's words around so he felt they were after him. But Armin was different. Patient. He waited to hear the full story before coming to a conclusion. "I just miss you."

The sentence hangs in the air like a noose — beckoning them ever closer to the death of whatever it is between them. Armin cracks. "I miss you too."

They stand there a moment, a strange silence falling over them. Eren decides perhaps he'll take a different approach seeing as being blunt didn't go particularly well. As usual, Eren had been completely wrong about the best way to go about this. He'd just have to avoid the main issue a little longer to sort out everything else. His voice is soft as he asks, "What happened to us, Armin?"

The blond seems to have something on his mind — something he's keeping hidden away and Eren doesn't like that. "We used to be so close and now...," he decides to leave it there. Armin knew the rest. And besides, it was far too complex and complicated to explain. Armin's lips quiver and part, as if he's going to say something, but is struggling to find the words. It had gotten much more humid suddenly. "It wasn't your fault."

"What?"

"This. It wasn't your fault."

Eren stares at his friend, hoping he can find the answer somewhere in the oceans of his eyes. He takes a breath to compose himself. "I figured you'd know by now."

"Know what?"

He has fully exhausted his ability to ignore the reason he had actually come. Yes, it was to deal with the growing distance between them, but there was a root to that that Eren feels he's planted. But apparently, Armin begged to differ. "Eren," Armin murmurs, just above a whisper. "Throw out all the titans — all the death and violence, everything — go back to 843. How would you feel if you saw one for the first time? A titan?"

Eren is taken aback by the question. It seems to him to be in no way related to the conversation at hand, but he figures Armin is going somewhere and goes along with it. "If one hadn't killed...."

Armin nods, letting him know he understood without him having to say it. "Then, I suppose I'd be scared."

"And what would you do?"

"Probably run, hide, try to find someone who could help."

Armin chuckles. "That's what people do, don't they? When they're scared? They either run, hide, or beg for someone to help them — maybe all three."

Eren watches him, the torches on the walls casting strange shadows across his face. "Something ... scared me, Eren. And I didn't know what to do, so I ran."

His face softens and he takes a step forward, a bit further into Armin's personal space. "What scared you?"

The hesitance on the boy's face is painfully obvious, so Eren adds, "You know you can tell me anything."

"Anything...anything but this...."

A shot. Straight to his heart. He furrows his brow, trying to keep his voice steady. "You don't trust me?"

"No, Eren I do!" he says quickly, reaching out and taking his hand. The touch is so strange after so long and Eren has had no idea how much he's missed it. It was always so casual, they would hold hands or sling their arms around each other's shoulders without a second thought. But now, Armin's gaze falls to their hands and he immediately draws away. "It's just...you can't save me this time."

The blond's choice of words doesn't make Eren feel any better. In fact, it sends another blow to his heart, not too far off from the first. "Let me try."

Armin meets his gaze for a moment and Eren sees his walls fall and catches a glimpse of something complex, something oddly _**familiar**_ , that he can't put his finger on before they're brought back up again. He decides to go about it a different way. "Does Mikasa know?"

"Part of it. She said she could sense something was different."

_Different_. What did that mean? Different how? "Well, whatever it was, she didn't tell me anything."

He sees a flicker of a smile and feels something burst in his chest, like a warm spark of hope that maybe he's getting somewhere. "I knew she wouldn't. It would've put you off — she wanted you to focus on your training."

"Me?"

Armin's face falls, like he had just been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. "I-I...."

He forces himself to step closer and focuses on talking rather than their proximity. "Armin."

Blue eyes meet green before breaking away again. "It doesn't matter," he says finally. Oh no. No that wasn't the end of that. Eren is nearing the problem, he can feel it, and he needs to know what it is. Armin turns as if to leave, but Eren catches his shoulder, pushing him against the stone wall and trapping him there. "It matters to me." 

Armin's gaze falls to his lips for a moment before he turns his head away. Eren takes his chin in his hand, making eye contact once again. He notices the throb of Armin's pulse and how quick it is. He notices the uneven breathing. He notices the flush of his face. But he ignores it, not allowing himself to start his wishful thinking again. "I...she...."

He swallows, closing his eyes a moment before opening them. "She found out what was important to me."

"Important to you? That's a lot of things. Seeing outside the walls is important to you, seeing the ocean too."

Armin shakes his head. "More than that. It's...."

"It's what?"

"It's you."

There is a strange silence that settles upon them and though Eren's heart leaps, he reminds himself not to jump to conclusions. "Me?"

He gives a small nod. "Y-Yeah...."

Eren doesn't believe it — can't believe it. If Armin was saying what he thinks he's saying, they both caused the worst case scenario, afraid of what would happen if they went the other way. "You and Mikasa are important to me too," he says, figuring that maybe his statement will clarify the meaning behind the boy's words. He licks his lips and Eren can't help following the motion. "That's not what I mean."

Eren's heart leaps again, this time with more force. He almost laughs at how ridiculous this is. It had been this way for years and both of them had just ignored it. "You mean you...."

Armin gives a timid nod. He looks about to say something else, but Eren doesn't want him to. He's tired of talking. So he presses himself against the blond, capturing his lips in his own. It doesn't take long for Armin to wrap his arms around the brunet, kissing him back just as hard. Eren moves his hands from Armin's shoulders, running them along his sides and anywhere he can reach, finally able to memorize every detail of his body. He licks the curve of Armin's mouth and he gasps, letting Eren slip his tongue in. The blond's fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him as close as possible. Eren swallows every whimper and soft moan that slips from Armin's mouth into his own and can't help the groan from somewhere in his throat. 

Armin pulls away, trying desperately to catch his breath. "Eren," he gasps and he knows it's a question. A silent plea — a wish that he's more than willing to grant. Eren pushes open the gate of his cell, giving Armin a lopsided half-amused, half-hungry grin. "Is this too kinky?" he jokes, referring to the cell, though also wanting confirmation that this is what he wants. Armin giggles, but it's obvious he's distracted. "I don't care."

That was enough. Eren pulls him into the cell and pushes him onto the bed, following after and hovering over him. He brings their lips together again as he begins undoing the buttons on Armin's shirt. He's not quite sure when his own comes off but it does and immediately Armin reaches for him, kissing him and running his hands along his torso. Eren manages to undo all the buttons on Armin's shirt without much difficulty, pulling it off and staring at the pale skin. Armin is somewhat muscular, probably a bit less than himself. His muscles ripple gently under the skin, just enough to be noticeable, but not enough to make it overwhelming. His skin is pale and it reminds him of silk, porcelain, and he's covered in a sheen of sweat from the heat of the summer. The torchlight plays off of every angle, plane, and curve of Armin's body and Eren feels like he's drowning.

"You're beautiful...," he says under his breath, but he's not sure Armin hears him. He brings their lips back together, his tongue seemingly searching for something in the blond's mouth. Hands run blindly over skin, tracing every line, every curve, etching each other into their memories. Eren pulls away from Armin's kiss-swollen lips, bringing his own down to ghost the pale skin of his neck. The boy lets out a soft moan when Eren presses a gentle kiss against the flesh, running his tongue along his neck and sucking a few bruises. "E-Eren...!" Armin gasps, his nails scraping lightly at his shoulders as he continues his work. He makes a mark on the crook of his neck and feels the blond shift beneath him, squirming slightly and causing their hips to brush together. Eren lets out a groan, grinding against him experimentally and reveling in the sound that bubbles up from the blond's throat. 

He continues at a steady pace, watching the way Armin's body writhes at the friction, glowing almost golden in the torchlight. Ocean eyes are dark with lust, his skin flushed and pink with a gentle blush that makes Eren's heart flip haphazardly in his chest. His fingers dart down to the button of Armin's pants almost with a mind of their own, slipping beneath the fabric and sliding against warm skin. The blond lets out a strangled moan as Eren takes him in his hand, his fingertips running gentle yet rough against him. He throws his head back, exposing the milky skin of his neck, and Eren can't resist leaning up to run his tongue along it. He leaves a mark on his throat, feeling it vibrate beneath his lips as he lets out another moan. His hand grips tightly at his shoulders as the other trails along his torso to his waistline. Eren momentarily stops his actions to pull away, undoing the button of his pants to allow Armin's hand to take him as well.

He groans, reaching for Armin again, their breath ragged and interweaved with quiet moans and whimpers. He takes a moment to focus entirely on the pleasure of Armin's fingers moving quick and desperate against him; letting his mind drift to another place. He wonders how on earth they ended up here. The conversation had started out as an attempt to get to the bottom of the wedge that had placed itself between them and somehow had turned into this. Eren figures this was what it was. The tender kisses, the hurried touch, the burning friction — it was all contributing to the reason they had stopped talking as much as they used to. And it was also what would take all that away. It marked a revelation — a mutual ache of feelings that built up into one glorious release of tension and rapture that broke down the wall of confusion and denial that had built itself between them.

Armin's plea is what drags him out of his reverie and when Eren's eyes refocus on his face, he feels his breath hitch. His hair is mussed, a glimmer of sweat on his forehead, lips red and swollen from their rougher kisses. "Please . . . m-more . . . ." he groans and Eren feels himself twitch. "I want y-you . . . so fucking b-bad . . . ."

Eren isn't sure where this blatantly desperate side of Armin came from, and he thinks it doesn't sound much like him, but finds he doesn't really care. Swearing is uncommon for him, though not totally unheard of, and something about the added expletive has Eren pulling his pants off faster than he probably would've given other circumstances. He throws them somewhere blindly, reaching to remove Armin's as well. He lifts his hips and Eren pulls the fabric from his legs and off his ankles, tossing them next to his own on the cool stone of the floor. Once they're both bare, Eren takes a brief moment to look over Armin, to analyze him, to memorize him. He paints an eternal picture in his mind in case for any reason this moment were never repeated like he knows they both want it to. He's so distracted by the way he looks, spread out and yearning for his touch, that he doesn't register Armin's movements until he pulls Eren's fingers into his mouth, sucking lightly. He's momentarily taken aback, but swallows thickly at the way he's gazing at him from under his lashes, his tongue lapping softly against his skin. Once three are thoroughly coated in saliva, Eren pulls them from Armin's mouth and towards his hips, pressing lightly against his entrance before pushing inside.

Armin lets out something between a gasp and a whimper and Eren watches his face carefully as he begins to move, looking for any frown, any furrow of brow — anything that could hint Armin was in pain. But there's little to no reaction from him other than the occasional moan of pleasure and soon, all three of his fingers are warm inside him. And then he speaks up, "E-Eren . . . I'm ready . . . ."

He gives a brisk nod he isn't sure the blond sees before pulling him onto his lap, angling himself to press ever so lightly against him. Armin doesn't hesitate another moment and sinks slowly onto him, his face twisting into something Eren can decipher as either pain or ecstacy. "You okay?" he breathes and Armin nods, leaning forwards to capture Eren's lips passionately. They stay still for a moment, kissing with a gentle hunger that makes his stomach knot. Armin brakes away, lifting himself up to fall back again, both letting out a simultaneous groan. They set a steady pace, and Eren begins ramming into him in time with his movements. His bangs are plastered to his forehead with the sheen of perspiration gathered there and Eren can't help thinking he's incredibly beautiful in this moment. But he always thinks Armin is beautiful no matter the situation.

They're soon lost in the friction and building pressure, panting and moaning almost in time. Eren adjusts for a better angle, pressing Armin back into the mattress, repeatedly slamming into a spot that makes him cry out. He wraps his legs around his middle, his nails digging into the skin of his back and leaving rosy marks there to later be admired. Though his stamina is slowly draining, he continues with even more fervor, feeling himself drawing ever nearer to release. A string of broken profanities falls from his lips and Armin gasps out his name as well as a few choice words of his own. But then he feels him tremble and knows he's almost there. "E-Eren . . . ! Oh my _**god**_!" he groans, throwing his head back in rapture. "I'm almost — AH! EREN!"

His back arches elegantly, the shadow of his ribcage visible in the dimness, and he lets out something extremely akin to a scream as he reaches his climax. That pushes Eren over the edge and Armin's name rips from his throat as he ejaculates inside him. He lets out a breath, collapsing against him with sudden exhaustion, their chests sticky with humidity. He pulls out, his skin tingling unlike anything he's ever felt before. He's overwhelmed with a sense of euphoria as he leans up to press a soft kiss to Armin's lips. The blond gives him a tired grin which he mirrors before turning over, snuggling into his side. Eren wraps his arm around his waist, inching closer and gently kissing his forehead which is salty from perspiration. "I guess we're staying down here for the night?" he mumbles half-jokingly and Armin hums, burying his nose in the crook of Eren's neck. "If that's okay with you."

He feels warm lips press lightly against the skin of his neck before Armin settles down again, letting out a breathy sigh that flutters on his exposed chest. He gives some response, though he isn't sure what it is; the heat of their bodies pressed against the sheets and the weight of the humidity that's smothering them like a blanket is adding to the sudden heaviness of his eyelids and makes him drowsy and incoherent. He feels Armin's chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, his heartbeat beginning to slow to a gentle pulse, and it serves a quiet song — a sort of wonderful music that lulls him to sleep in an instant.


	41. Saviors, Winter Nights, and a Piano

He runs his tired fingers along the rim of his glass, his eyes flickering through the crowd. Armin sighs, taking a sip of his beer, staring into the depths of the amber liquid as if it had done something to upset him. But the drink isn't what's bothering him. He had never been a particularly social person and moving to Trost, leaving behind all he's ever known, was turning out to be not as fantastic of an idea as he once thought. This was supposed to be where his dreams came true, where he got rich and went out with a group of friends on a friday night. It wasn't where he was sitting alone in a bar, almost flat broke and only able to scrape together enough pennies by playing for people on the street.

And all his friends have abandoned him one way or another. Whether it be because of his relocation nearly across the country or because of something so simple as a misunderstanding. The memories haunt him, dancing across the walls, reminding him of better times when his dream seemed a little less impossible. But the faces are unfamiliar and the money is scarce and Armin's old hope and ambition are lost along with everything else. Left behind. Forgotten.

Armin runs a hand through his disheveled blond hair and allows himself to take another look around the bar to observe the people. Perhaps to see what he's missing, or maybe to try and find a reason to make him glad to be alone. 

When he first lays eyes on him, he can't breathe. He's perhaps the most beautiful man Armin has ever seen in his entire life. He doesn't know what it is that's so intriguing about him — the way his skin seems to glow in the dull light of the bar, the way his emerald eyes glimmer as he glances over the rim of his glass. Either way, Armin is absolutely awe-struck, unable to tear his gaze away from the man sitting at the corner table. He feels a flame ignite beneath his skin and bites his lip harshly. He can't believe the thoughts beginning to run through his mind so he shuts them down before they can reach their destination. Despite how much he could use some sort of company, even a small conversation, he forces himself to turn away and stare at the rapidly declining drink in his hand. 

He senses someone sit down next to him, but can't bring himself to look, both fear and something like excitement settling deep in his chest. "Hi," a feminine voice says and Armin now lets his gaze lift to meet chocolate eyes. He gives what he hopes is a decent smile. "Hi," he greets the red-head, deciding to have another sip of his beer. "My friends thought you were a girl," she says and Armin almost chokes on his drink. "But I didn't. Thought I'd come over to find out."

"Oh," he finds himself saying, averting his gaze nervously. That was really what she came for? That was a little embarrassing. He feels a pressure on his thigh and when he looks, he sees her hand, her fingers digging slightly into his flesh. It's more uncomfortable than whatever she's trying for. She leans in close to his ear and Armin shivers, but not for the reason she probably wants. "Mind if I check?" she asks and he doesn't know what to say. Flirting isn't really his thing and he doesn't know what to do in a situation like this. "I — um — I don't — I d-don't think . . . ."

But before he can think of a way to word what he means, a hand comes down on the woman's shoulder and when Armin looks, he recognizes the interruption. "Sorry, miss, but he's taken," the man says and even though he's smiling, Armin can sense the edge in his voice. It takes a second for her to realize what's going on and when she does Armin is in such a state of surprise himself, he can't bring himself to laugh at her expression. "Oh, I — ! I-I'm so sorry!" she stutters and she hurries off to her group of alleged friends. Armin watches her go and when he looks back, the man is smiling — seemingly genuine this time. "Sorry," he breathes and Armin loves the lopsided grin he gives him. "Looked like you needed some saving."

Armin suddenly remembers he's now part of a conversation and smiles shyly. "Yeah, I did. Thanks."

"No problem."

Usually, he would end it there — either waiting for the other person to make the next move or for the silence to become so awkward, they just walk away. But something about this man — this undeniably gorgeous stranger — has Armin's mouth speaking for him. "Can I buy you a drink?"

The brunet gives him a smirk, an almost mischievous gleam in his emerald eyes. "To — thank you for saving me," he adds on hurriedly, feeling himself blush slightly. He mentally curses himself, but the man is sitting down next to him saying something about a gin and tonic. 

Armin pulls out what little cash he has left in his pocket and hands it to the bartender, getting two drinks for himself and his newfound hero. When the alcohol is set on the bar in front of them, Armin takes a sip, feeling it burn on the way down. He forces himself not to make a face.

"That's pretty strong," he says, his voice slightly raspy. The man chuckles. "Not much of a drinker?"

"Not usually."

The man shifts, giving Armin that familiar smile. "I just realized you've already bought me a drink and I still don't know your name."

"It's Armin,” he says and the man reaches out his hand. "Eren."

He nervously shakes it, trying to ignore the sparks shooting through his fingertips. He watches as Eren takes a long sip of his drink and Armin has no idea how he can take that much in one go. "So, Armin," he says once he puts the glass down. "Why's a good-looking guy like you all alone on a friday night?"

Armin feels himself blush and his brain haze, but manages to remember some of his vocabulary. "I'm not alone — you're here."

He's overwhelmed with relief when Eren smiles. "I'm just trying to make sure you don't waste the night sulking at your drink."

Armin's breath hitches at _the night_ but figures he's imagining things, jumping to conclusions. Eren's only keeping him company with a pleasant conversation, he's not here for anything else. "But seriously, why are you all alone? Don't you have anyone to hang out with you — girlfriend or," he gives him a once over and Armin thinks he's seeing things, "boyfriend?"

Armin suddenly finds the crystal liquid in his glass incredibly interesting and examines it intensely as he bites his lip. "No I . . . I just moved here, so I don't really know anybody," he admits and he doesn't know why he's being so honest. He doesn't usually just open up to people like this. Eren nods his head and raises his drink to his lips. "Where'd you move from?"

"Shiganshina."

Emerald brightens and he suddenly looks at Armin like he's just slapped him across the face. "That's where I'm from," he says and Armin can't help reflecting the smile that graces his features. "Really?"

"Yeah," Eren laughs and again Armin feels his heart flutter. Then suddenly the smile's gone and emerald turns to forest. Armin doesn't like the shadows clouding Eren's eyes and can't figure out for the life of him why they're there. He finds himself hoping it wasn't something he did. 

Part of him wants to ignore it, maybe brushing it off as a trick of the light, but Armin knows there's something deeper there and something about that upsets him. "Hey, you okay?" he asks and all Eren has to do is blink and the shadows are chased away like phantoms. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Armin gives a quick nod and feels it's a great time to change the subject. "If I might ask, what are you doing here all alone, Mr. Don't-waste-the-night?"

Eren chuckles and fidgets with a piece of wood sticking from the bar. "I dunno. Just checking out the place, I guess."

He takes a sip of his gin and this time it goes down better. "How long have you lived in Trost?"

"Not long. Maybe a few weeks."

"And yet you've had more luck meeting people than I have."

"Well you're the only person I've really talked to so if the same goes for you, we're even."

Armin doesn't want to admit that he hasn't had the courage to do so much as look at anybody in this strange new town so he decides not to say anything. Eren gives him a gentle pat on the back but it feels like it knocks the breath out of him. "I bet a lot of people wanna talk to you," Eren smiles. Armin shakes his head ruefully. "No. Nobody ever wants to get to know me." 

The loneliness that's showing through his voice is unable to be contained and he feels his chest ache as he glances at Eren. He sees the boy give him a gentle smile before he says, "I wanna get to know you."

Armin's pretty sure his heart full-on stops when that sentence falls so casually from Eren's lips before starting back up again at an alarming speed. He compels himself to make eye contact, sees the gentle smile on his face, but for some reason, his brain isn't really working and he's just staring. "Tell me something about you, Armin," Eren says, leaning back in his chair. "Something no one else knows."

Armin swallows some gin and tonic to try and fix his dry throat but finds it doesn't really help. Despite the darkness of his cheeks, he speaks up. "I uh...I moved to Trost to play piano but it's not really going so well." 

He adds a pitiful laugh at the end and Eren's face falls. "How come?"

He lets out a sigh and takes another sip of alcohol. He's gonna need it.

He tells Eren about his dream of playing piano for the Trost Municipal Symphony Orchestra. How he practiced for hours, days, years until finally he thought he might be good enough. Then, without thinking it through, he moved across the country from his home in Shiganshina to Trost, right across the street from the theatre where they practiced. Eren nods occasionally during the story but other than that, he's silently staring at Armin, seemingly hooked on every word. He talks about his constant struggle to get in and how in the meantime he plays on the street with a portable keyboard and that whole business isn't doing too good. That he barely had enough money to buy him and Eren their drinks. 

Then he notices the green between Eren's fingers and immediately shakes his head. "No, Eren, I—"

"Just take it. For my drink," he says with a gentle smile, moving the dollars a bit closer. "I-I couldn't . . . and besides, I'm supposed to be thanking you for saving me from a scenario I didn't want to be in, not for listening to the pathetic story of my life and giving me money."

Eren looks at him and Armin holds firm, not breaking the eye contact and Eren's analytical stare turns somewhat satisfied as he looks away and tucks the money back in his pocket. "Your story isn't pathetic," he says, raising emerald pools to meet ocean. "It's inspiring."

Armin can't help scoffing. "I'm not sure how being completely broke and drinking away my problems is inspiring," he says, taking another sip of said drink. "It's not your situation," Eren clarifies. "It's the fact that no matter how bad your situation got, you still chased your dream. That takes a lot of determination and it's inspiring."

Armin's heart jumps in his chest at the look Eren gives him so he decides to look away, letting a soft sigh fall to the bar and melt there. Though Armin wants to get to know more about Eren, he can't bring his mouth to move. He remembers the shadows that danced in his eyes when he mentioned Shiganshina and he doesn't want them to return. So he keeps quiet. And besides, their drinks are almost gone. This conversation was already too long for just a casual talk in a bar.

As Armin downs the last bit of his gin and tonic, he runs a hand through his hair. "Well, I should probably get going," he mutters and sees something like disappointment flash in emerald eyes but thinks he's getting ahead of himself. "Let me walk you home."

"Wh-what?" he asks, almost tripping on his chair as he stands up. Eren stands with him and shrugs on a coat Armin hadn't noticed. "You said you moved across the street from the theatre. That's only a few blocks from here, isn't it?"

He doesn't answer, only gives a small nod and Eren sends one to the door. "Come on."

As Eren holds the door open for him, Armin gives him a timid smile. He doesn't usually let strangers he meets in bars walk him home, but there's just something about Eren that obliterates all his common sense. Unease replaced with comfort, anxiety swapped with a fluttering heart and furious blush. If Armin took a second to think about what was happening, he probably would've thought he was being stupid — that nothing about this encounter had been a good idea. But as he walks beside Eren, the winter cold nipping at his nose and freezing their breath, he can't think. All he can do is stare at the frosted cobblestones underfoot and wonder why he feels like he's on fire.

There isn't much conversation during the walk to Armin's flat. There are a few times he tries to think of something to say and Eren points out a few things he notices, but mostly it's just silence. Not necessarily unpleasant, but not quite comfortable. Armin doesn't have to be a fool to notice the slight edge in the air, the almost unnoticeable tension that makes his fingers twitch and his blood surge with a seemingly radioactive charge. He's not sure if Eren notices, but he doesn't seem to care enough to talk about it. So neither of them say anything until they reach the front steps of 33 West Sina and Armin turns to face him. "Well, this is it," he says with what he hopes is a somewhat convincing smile. He sees the cloud from Eren's mouth disappear before he exhales. "I guess so,” he mutters and there's an awkward silence. Armin's heart twists and he wants to say something, but he doesn't know what to say. "Thanks for walking me home,"  
Eren gives him that lopsided smile that makes his stomach somersault. "No problem. It was the least I could do."

Armin chuckles. "I really don't know how to thank you. For everything."

Eren shrugs it off. "You bought me a drink, let me get to know you, that's all the thanks I need."

Armin sighs and the awkward silence returns until Eren breaks it. "Well, I guess I'll get going," he says with what Armin thinks is a grimace and he turns, taking a few steps down the street. Armin bites his lip.

"Eren, wait!" he calls and Eren stops and looks over his shoulder. "Do you wanna . . . come in for a second? It's pretty cold out here,” he says before he knows what he's doing. He sees Eren smile at the ground before turning to face him. "Sure."

Armin can't help letting out a breath of relief, a grin gracing his features. He walks up the steps and brings his shaky fingers to the lock. It takes him a second, but he pushes the door open once it's unlocked and reaches for the light switch. "It's not much," he says, walking to the living room and shrugging off his coat. "Starving musician, remember?"

Eren takes a look around the small apartment. "No, it's nice."

Armin glances at the polaroids of him and his old friends on his pin board and gathers some doodle pages he'd left on the table haphazardly in his hands, shoving them somewhere out of the way. He sighs before looking up to Eren to find the man staring at him. He blushes profusely and shifts his weight. "Y-You can take off your coat,” he says and Eren approaches the coat rack nonchalantly, like he hadn't just been caught staring. He hangs it up and turns back to Armin and gives a small smirk. He bites his lip and softly clears his throat. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Armin?"

The blond gives him a look and he just giggles. "Actually, I could use a glass of water right about now," he says, looking around at the rest of the room. Armin gives a curt nod, heading to the kitchen and pouring Eren and himself a glass of water. He takes the glasses and returns to the living room, placing them on the slate grey coffee table. "Sit," he says and Eren obeys, taking a seat on the couch beside him. He's close — or at least closer than at the bar. Armin can smell the cinnamon and hint of musk with just a drop or two of vanilla. He refrains from inhaling deeply, from burying his face in Eren chest and breathing him in because that's not what this is. That isn't why he's here — why either of them are here. It's just cold and Armin hasn't talked to anyone in awhile. That's all.

"So, Eren," he says after a sip of water. "You've spent the whole night learning about me, let's talk about you. Tell _**me**_ something no one else knows."

Eren smirks and Armin smiles but then the brunet fidgets with the rim of his glass. "There's really not much to talk about."

"Oh come on, there's gotta be something. Do you have any siblings?"

Eren lets out a gentle groan. "Yeah. Adopted sister. Her name's Mikasa. Boy, is she a piece of work."

Armin giggles and Eren seems pleased. "She watches me like a hawk. It's like she thinks I'm gonna get myself killed or something."

"Well if you were my brother, I would think the same thing."

Eren gives him a glare and he laughs, receiving a playful shove that sends electricity through his body. "No but seriously. She worries about me all the time. I think it's because . . . .” he trails off and Armin's face falls. "Eren?" he asks gently after a moment of silence. He sees the shadows return and his heart sinks. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want —"

"I want to," he interjects and what he sees in emerald eyes when their gazes meet makes him a bit breathless. But then Eren looks at his lap. "When we were younger, my mother got sick."

Armin's chest constricts painfully. "They didn't know what it was. Said it was probably just the flu,” he laughed ruefully, "It wasn't the flu."

Armin found himself shifting closer, placing his glass of water back on the coffee table. "My dad's a doctor and even he didn't know what was wrong with her. The hospital said she would get better in a couple weeks, but when a couple weeks had passed, I knew it was bad. She died five years ago."

He sighs and he's almost visibly choking. 

"After that, my dad was never the same. He thought it was his fault for not being able to help her. I tried to get him help, medication, anything that might get him out of that damn bedroom."

Armin feels his eyes water, but blinks. He's not allowed to cry. "But one day, I went in to give him the paper and found a note."

He finds himself taking Eren's hand, giving it a soft squeeze, but he still doesn't meet his eyes. "Shot himself in the head."

"Eren," he says and maybe it's something about his voice that makes him lift his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."

He gives him a smile and though it's broken, it's genuine. "It's okay. You didn't know. Anyways, ever since, I've just been wandering the streets, trying to keep a job and staying anywhere I can afford."

Armin finds himself saying, "I guess we're both pretty sorry excuses for the Trost standard," and Eren smiles. "I guess we are."

There's a moment of silence before the conversation picks up again, as if the dark turn it just took never happened. Armin tells him about the visible sexual tension between his friends Jean and Marco and Eren tells him about the huge crush his sister has on a girl she met in high school. How Eren tried and failed to become a bartender and how Armin once put his phone in the washing machine. They talk and laugh and share stories before Armin suddenly gets an idea. He looks at Eren and smiles, the effects of the alcohol making him temporarily lose his self-consciousness. "Do you wanna learn to play piano?"

"What?"

"Come on," he says, standing up, once again taking Eren's hand. He leads him to his bedroom where a mahogany piano sits against the wall. The wood is somewhat old and damaged from the times it's collided with a wall or a piece of furniture. Armin raises the fallboard and motions for Eren to sit. He sits beside him on the bench and takes his left hand. "Put your fingers here, here, and here," he says, placing Eren's index, middle, and ring finger on a chord. "And put your other hand here,"

He brings his own hand to the same keys on the other end of the piano to replicate Eren's right hand. "You're gonna go like this,"

He presses the keys to create a melody. "While adding the chord at the end." 

Armin demonstrates this as well. Eren gives him a hesitant look, but the blond stares at him expectantly. He swallows and tries to follow Armin's instruction, his fingers stumbling over the keys. He hits multiple wrong notes before trying again and again, trying to get it right. He furrows his brow in concentration and frustration, but can't seem to press the right keys. Armin smiles softly before moving closer. "Here."

He ends up leaning in front of Eren, their thighs pressing together and Armin has to ignore the sparks shooting across his skin. Eren raises his hands off the piano and Armin slides his own underneath. Then Eren's fingers settle over his, his palm pressed to the back of his hand. "Like this." 

Armin plays the melody again, Eren's fingers moving along with his. "Got it?"

"Yeah," he breathes and Armin is too busy with the music to notice the distracted tone in his voice. "Alright. Then, it goes like this.”

He continues to play the song, smiling softly to himself as his fingers glide over the keys. "You do the chords,” he instructs and Eren manages to follow the established pattern, his right hand falling from Armin's. He feels it settle on his waist and his heart leaps. The warmth is radiating from Eren's hand and Armin wants to lean into his touch, to press their bodies together and maybe get rid of this aching feeling in his chest. But he doesn't. His breath is erratic, but still he plays, hoping to ignore how close they are by focusing on the music.

But then he feels lips press gently to the crook of his neck and his fingers freeze. His skin burns under Eren's lips and suddenly his lungs aren't working so well. His cheeks flush and he finds himself leaning his head to the side to give Eren more room. His other hand comes down to meet his waist and suddenly Armin can't breathe. His heart pounds so furiously in his chest, he thinks Eren will be able to hear it. His eyes slip closed and he bites his lip, trying and failing not to focus his entire being onto Eren's mouth against his neck. 

He leaves another kiss on his pale skin and Armin is leaning into him, turning his face slightly towards him. Eren takes his earlobe gently between his teeth then kisses his jaw, his cheek. Armin is turned to face him now, their eyes meeting and breath mingling. Gazes fall to lips and back again, a silent question being asked in the dim light of his bedroom. Maybe Eren is a stranger, maybe he doesn't usually do this type of thing with strangers, but somehow, as he feels Eren inch closer, he can't bring himself to care. 

Armin's fingers are tangled in Eren's hair almost the moment their lips collide. He cranes his neck, trying to get closer, as if he were attempting to make them become one. Armin doesn't think. He just feels and what he's feeling right now is making him kiss Eren faster, harder. The soft touch against the skin of his hip, the gentle sweep of a tongue that makes him gasp. The dance of their mouths and the heat of their proximity.

Eren breaks the kiss and Armin almost whimpers, following after him, but the boy just smirks. Armin swings his leg over the piano bench, facing Eren and taking handfuls of his shirt. His fingers alight at the sheer sensation of touching Eren — finally being able to run his hands along his chest, to breathe him in, like he's been waiting for this moment his entire life. They kiss again and the brunet's tongue is already in his mouth, swallowing any tiny moans or silent pleas that transfer between them. Armin will admit he doesn't usually do this. He's not the type to hook up with someone he meets at a bar only for them to disappear the next morning without a trace they had even been there. Just the memory of something that might've been a dream. But Armin thinks this is a dream, it has to be, because there's no way what's happening can be this good.

Somehow they're standing and moving backwards, their feet bringing them blindly towards a destination. Armin falls back onto his bed with Eren following after with kiss after kiss, hands beginning to wander over shirts and waistbands. Lips fall to the skin of his neck, licking and sucking and leaving a mark here and there. Armin can't help loving the idea of Eren marking him. It makes him feel like he _**belongs**_ to Eren. Like he is his — and only his. And Armin thinks he can get used to that.

He gasps his name as he continues to leave his trail down his neck and to his chest, where fingers undo the buttons of his shirt and run across the span of his stomach. Armin shivers and pulls needily at Eren's shirt and silently begs him to take it off. He wants to see Eren — to get to know him. All of him.

He pulls away from Armin's kiss-swollen lips for only a moment to raise his shirt over his head and throw it somewhere blindly. Armin's hands grab for him, running along the tan skin and loving how it almost glows in the moonlight. He makes out Eren's eyes in the dark and can't help speaking his mind. "You're beautiful...," he whispers and brings their lips back together. His shirt falls from his shoulders and he feels Eren pull it from his wrists, freeing his arms to wrap around his neck. It, too, gets discarded somewhere in the room and Eren runs his fingers along his ribcage, making him gasp. "So are you," Eren breathes in his ear, making him shiver. 

He presses one last, lingering kiss to Armin's lips before reaching for the front of his pants. Armin's lungs disintegrate. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Eren asks and even though he's never been more sure about anything in his life, he's glad he asked. "God yes," he gasps out and Eren smirks slightly, making Armin squirm. That goddamn smile had done things to him since he first saw it, but it wasn't like this. This was too much.

His jeans are pulled past his thighs, but don't make it any further; as Eren presses their hips together and Armin groans, tilting his head back. "E-Eren," he whimpers, bringing his gaze to where Eren is rolling his hips, groaning and panting. "Pants off. Both of us," he says and something about the way he says it makes Armin bite his lip harshly to refrain from making a noise. He pulls off his jeans completely, as does Eren, and then the brunet's hand is in his boxers, pulling him free of his previous restraints and he hisses at the sudden cold air.

Once they're both bare, Armin takes a moment to look at Eren, to trace every curve, every line, every angle of his body, trying to engrain it into his memory. He observes the planes and ridges of his stomach, the soft curve of his collarbone, the sharpness of his hipbone and the noticeable 'v' that leads down to where their bodies connect. Armin moans rather loudly as Eren takes them both in his hand, stroking with a pressure that almost sends him over the edge. They groan and pant as Eren brings his hand up and down again, and he's not sure he can't take much more of this. "A-Armin," Eren pants. "I want you . . . . All of you...."

"You have me," he replies and that's enough to make Eren stop his actions and bring his hand lower, his fingers pressing into him gently. Armin groans at the slight discomfort, but Eren is patient, letting him adjust before going all the way. When the blond gives him a nod to signal his continuation, he pushes in and out gently, twisting his fingers this way and that, trying to stretch Armin as much as possible. And Armin doesn't know if he can make it that far.

But then the gentle pressure is gone and Eren grips Armin's hips, slowly pushing himself inside. Armin lets out a groan, shutting his eyes in pain as he tries to adjust. Eren doesn't move, simply watches him and Armin flushes, not meeting his eyes. "Y-You can," he tells him and Eren pulls out slightly only to come back and now the pain has turned to something else. Something that has Armin moaning, a broken string of profanities falling from his lips. And soon, Eren is thrusting into him at a regular speed and Armin is seeing stars. Eren tilts his hips in a way that makes him ram into something that makes Armin scream. "Oh my god, do that again...." he pants heavily and Eren complies, repeating his movements and Armin didn't know being human could feel this good. Emerald eyes analyze his face as he continuously slams into the same spot and Armin throws his head back in pleasure. 

His stomach is warm and melting with something he's felt before, but never like this. His nerves burst deliciously with every thrust and Armin warns him of what's about to happen. Eren seems to go faster, harder, and Armin suddenly can't remember anything anymore. All he knows is Eren and how incredibly and painfully close he is. And then his back arches, Eren's name ripping from his throat as he comes hard and hot on his stomach. Eren follows soon after and Armin feels his warmth inside him as he pulls out.

Eren collapses against him, all sweat and exhaustion and something Armin can't quite place. Something that makes him want to do this with Eren for the rest of his life. Something that makes him want to do _**everything**_ with him. But he keeps quiet, deciding not to worry about the future and focus on the way the moonlight shines off of Eren's chocolate brown hair. He tries to catch his breath, feeling their chests rise and fall together, in a gentle rhythm until he finds himself fighting the heaviness of his eyelids. He thinks he hears Eren say something and hears himself respond, but his mind is too fuzzy and his eyelashes are brushing his cheeks as he closes his eyes to sleep.

~~~

He awakes with a start; a golden beam of sunlight lays across his eyes and he sits up to escape it's strange harshness. Armin groans as his head throbs, and he takes a look around the room. His clothes are thrown haphazardly across the floor and he suddenly remembers Eren. He remembers the late conversation, the piano, the first kiss. He shakes his head and lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. He stands and decides to make himself a cup of coffee, hoping to rid the emerald-eyed boy from his mind. His body aches and it's a painful reminder of the way he felt the night before, what happened between them, and it only adds more focus to the lack of Eren's presence. He feels like part of him is missing. Like he's just let something amazing disappear. Something that was worth holding onto. But Eren's gone and there's nothing he can do about it, so Armin tries to have a somewhat normal morning to try and forget the anything but normal man he'd met last night.

He yawns and walks around the corner to the kitchen and suddenly stops in his tracks. He's met with a disheveled head of chestnut hair — the emerald eyes and brilliant smile that captivated him everytime he saw them. "Morning," Eren greets him and Armin finds he's at a loss for words. They'd had a one night stand and Eren had left in the morning — so what is he doing here, sitting at the breakfast bar and handing him a cup of coffee?

Armin takes the mug hesitantly, still staring at him like he had just fallen through the ceiling. Eren giggles at the look on the blond's face and waves a hand in front of him. "Earth to Armin,"

He shakes his head and blinks. "Sorry, I'm just . . . a little confused."

Eren furrows his brow over the rim of his mug. "Why?" he asks when he takes a sip and puts it down. Armin shrugs. "I just figured . . . you'd be gone when I woke up."

"I said I wanted to get to know you, didn't I?"

"I didn't know you meant . . . ."

Eren let out a gentle sigh through his nose and stared out the window before turning back to Armin. "Do you wanna go get lunch later? Maybe somewhere downtown?"

Armin smiles and it's the happiest he's been in awhile. He takes a sip of his coffee and gives Eren a grin. "I think I'd like that."


	42. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some spoilers I think

It’s been happening for awhile now. Though had I known it would go on for as long as it had, I never would’ve given in. The first time, there was no agreement. There was no discussion of if and when it would happen again nor a mutual enthusiasm. It just sort of happened. And every time got increasingly difficult for me to endure.

It all started on a cool spring evening and my sleep had been plagued with nightmares. It was the same one as the previous nights. It hadn’t been long since Eren had gotten eaten by a titan, devoured in front of my very eyes. It had been agonizing to kneel there, my hand outstretched to where my best friend’s used to be. I had screamed. Mikasa later told me she could hear me from across the city and it sounded, even from that distance, as if I was being tortured. Like someone had forcefully ripped my soul from my body and in a way that’s what happened. Eren was everything to me and losing him, thinking it was my fault, was unbearable. I had almost ended it all. 

But somehow, by some miracle, he had returned. Returned to me. And after that, things were put into perspective, though admittedly not fully. So when Eren shuffled into the dining hall, I was startled, but gave the boy a warm smile. “Eren.”

He shot me a lopsided grin. “Armin,” he had stated, seeming equally surprised at my presence as I was of his. “I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in here. Is something wrong?”

His eyes had darkened in worry but I had shrugged it off. “No. I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”

Eren’s apparent death was still fresh in my mind then and I didn’t particularly care to talk about it, especially with him. “Oh,” he said, walking over and sitting down beside me on the bench. “Me neither,” he breathed with a small smile which I returned. We had talked, about random, trivial things, but then the conversation took a dark turn. And everything changed. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” he had asked and though it was with genuine curiosity, it struck me and struck me hard. I swallowed nervously, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I shrugged, hoping he didn’t catch on. “I dunno. Just one of those nights,” I had managed with a chuckle, turning to look into emerald eyes and immediately wishing I hadn’t. He knew I was lying. “Armin,” he said and though it wasn’t bitter or cold, I found myself trembling, shrinking in on myself. Like I had done something wrong and been caught in the act. “I . . . I just had a nightmare,” I replied simply, hoping he’d leave it at that. But it was Eren and that wasn’t something he did often when it came to me and nightmares. “Do you want to talk about it? You can tell me.”

I had felt my eyes water with the beginnings of tears, but managed to hold them back. “I-It was about . . . you,” I admitted, trying to keep my wavering voice steady. “About Trost. About you getting . . . ,” I trailed off, not being able to finish the sentence as it brought horrific memories back to me. “Armin,” he had muttered gently, softly, like he thought I would break at any given moment. I had felt a little bit more than pathetic, but I wasn’t full-on crying so at least that was something. Just having Eren there made me feel a little better. But then again that always seems to be the case. 

Looking back on it, I was probably the one who started it. Not purposefully of course. Eren had been comforting me, holding me in his arms, running his fingers through my hair, when I had a sudden overwhelming relief that he was alive. I could hear his heart beating steadily, I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. And in the haze of this relief, the line between normal and abnormal became a bit blurred. I had reached up, placing my hand on his chest and thought I heard him say something, but I was too focused on his heartbeat to understand. And I had just sat there, staring at the skin of his collarbone, my fingers inching closer to his neckline. He had gone suddenly silent and I had felt his eyes on me, though I couldn’t bring myself to meet them. I gently slipped my fingers underneath his shirt, running softly over his sternum and shoulders slowly, almost shyly. And still he had continued to watch me and my face had flushed at the attention. So I distracted myself with removing my hands just to slip them under the hem instead. When my palms met his stomach, I thought I heard him gasp, but still I traced the outline of his abs, the curve of his sides and then his shirt was hiked up to his neck, my hands pressed firmly to his chest. “Armin?” he had asked questioningly, but I had not been able to respond. I was suddenly distracted by the tan of Eren’s skin, the heat of it beneath my fingers, but when I finally looked up, I met a serious gaze. We stared at each other in silence for a moment before his hand came up to cup my cheek. I had leaned into the touch despite myself and his fingers continued to trace over my features, one by one, softly like the brush of a feather. I watched emerald eyes as he did, his finger stopping to run gently over my lips. My heart had raced as he leaned forwards, replacing his finger with his mouth. The kiss was short and almost uncertain at first, and when he pulled away, I just stared in shock. But I couldn’t deny the urge beginning to settle in my stomach and glanced at his lips to have them meet mine again, this time more hurriedly. I didn’t protest, though my mind was racing nearly as fast as my heart. I didn’t know why Eren had suddenly kissed me or why I was kissing back. I told myself we didn’t feel that way about each other, we were just friends. So why was this happening? Why were we kissing? Why were Eren’s hands beginning to drift over my sides?

We had continued kissing at an increasingly quick pace, our tongues colliding and whimpers and small moans being lost in the connection of our mouths. Eren had somehow managed to undo the buttons of my shirt without me noticing, pushing the cotton from my shoulders and lowering his lips to my neck. I moaned despite myself, still incredibly confused and conflicted, but having difficulty focusing on that. With Eren sucking bruises onto my neck and running his tongue over my nipples, it was hard to focus on anything but him. We had continued kissing, our hands running shamelessly all over each other before our hips finally met. And once they did, we were both overwhelmed with pleasure. Eren had proceeded to grind against me, pushing me back onto the bench and pinning me there. I bit my lip, moaning and gasping his name until we both came in our pants, leaving the hot fabric to stick to our skin. 

We had been out of breath and the euphoria of my climax had distracted me from my thoughts. Emerald eyes had focused on me and I on them and suddenly everything was different. From that moment on, we continued having nights like that. Not very often, as we had missions and various other things to worry about, but whenever we got time to ourselves, Eren would be kissing me. I had shrugged the first time off as needing an outlet for sorrow and grief. After all, everyone needed their own escape from the seemingly eternal hell we had to deal with everyday. And I supposed for Eren and I, it just so happened that our escape was secret nights of hushed moans and quiet whimpers. And though each night I would see Eren my body would be so overcome with pleasure I couldn’t think, the next morning I was always more than capable. The mornings after nights of ecstasy were what haunted me. Thoughts came rushing back — unanswered questions and doubts. Insecurities and anxiety, all rushing back to flood my day with constant worry. 

I had often wondered why we were doing this. Why we were as always during the day, but the occasional evening was almost scandalously intimate. I couldn’t make sense of it. Why did Eren want to do it with me? Why were we having this kind of relationship? Though I definitely didn’t mind. As time went on, however, I began to mind quite a bit. 

At first, the visits had been self-proclaimed acts of relaxation and a way to deal with the growing agony we both hid away. They weren’t anything serious by any means. But as we got older, the innocence and ignorance of my youth slipped away and I realized what love was. The entire corps thought I had feelings for Eren, and he for me, but none of them knew about what we did in the darkness of our bunks. And I had shrugged them off, denying claims and accusations because Eren and I were just friends, that was all, and that was all it would ever be. But the more people talked, the more I began to think. It took quite a deal of consideration, admiration, self-reflection and more than a couple brushes with death that made me realize I was desperately in love with my best friend. Things had started off slow — during my childhood, I had viewed Eren as a sort of hero. A savior. But as we progressed into adolescence, things had begun to change. I had developed feelings, but shoved them away, characterizing them as platonic admiration for him. But the more I thought about it, the more we went through, the more times he filled the often empty space in my bed, I found it wasn’t that. 

With the sudden realization of my feelings for Eren, the visits became more special. More intimate. Or at least to me. Whenever we started things in the private confines of my bunk, or occasionally his, it seemed different to me. The reality of our relationship outside of these brief periods of release and rapture disappeared until Eren was mine and I was his. But the next morning, I would remember that wasn’t true. In times of bliss, perhaps it was, but I didn’t have him the way I truly wanted. I may have had the physical aspects of love, but I didn’t have the emotional ones. The ones that made my heart ache every time we saw each other outside of the pleasure of the act and serenity of the afterglow. I tried not to think that it didn’t mean anything to Eren, that he was just using me as an outlet for unwanted energy. Because even though I knew it was true, it made my heart twist painfully. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted it to be more than that. I wanted us to be able to get lost in each other any night we wanted. I wanted it to be more than just getting off to relieve stress. But perhaps most of all, I wanted him to stay to face the mornings with me. To have his presence, his touch, his kiss linger outside of our confidentiality. To have him be mine and I his outside of those moments of pure ecstasy.

~~~

It’s after a mission and the September breeze was blowing gently through the window of the barracks. My body was sore and aching from the rigour of the day’s events, but after years of putting myself through hours of exhaustion, training, and learning how to drain every ounce of energy I had left and somehow find it within myself to keep going, it didn’t seem so bad. I was still able to move, there was just a dull ache foreshadowing the prospective pain I’d go through the following day. I let out a sigh, running a hand through disheveled blond hair. Eren had been through a lot during the last mission. He had been forced by Heichou to make some split-second decisions and at the time, I had looked and seen he had been nowhere near pleased with most of the outcomes. I had been frustrated with the captain — for throwing the entirety of the weight on his own shoulders onto Eren’s when time was slipping away and slipping away quickly. It wasn’t fair. Though I knew he was probably just testing Eren, trying to prepare him for perhaps taking on a bigger role in the military as we got older, I still couldn’t quite quell the anger simmering in my gut.

I shook my head at how childish I was being, how trivial the matter was, when the sudden sound of footsteps alerted me. I turned, almost startled, but relaxed upon seeing it was none other than the boy I had been thinking about. Well, I supposed he was more of a man now.

We didn’t greet each other. I noticed the shadows underneath his eyes and figured it was best to let him rest. I turned away, removing my boots and throwing them to the side, when I suddenly felt hands settle on my waist. I stiffened as Eren moved closer, pulling me back against him, pressing his lips gently to my nape. I let out a breath, unmoving still, as he continued to leave kisses across the back of my neck, his hands wandering over my uniform. “Eren,” I said and he pulled away. “Yeah?”

“We can’t do this,” I said before I knew what I was thinking. I turned around and saw something in emerald eyes, immediately making me regret my decision. “What’s with this all of a sudden?” he asked, and I detected a hint of concern laced in his voice. “I just . . . .”

I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.”

I turned on my heel, starting towards my bunk, but Eren caught me by the wrist, pulling me back to face him. “Why not? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I responded despondently, staring intently at my feet, my toes fidgeting nervously. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

I glanced between his eyes, letting out a sigh and wondering how I could word this. “It’s . . . this isn’t normal, Eren,” I say and once I do, I wish I never had. I see a shadow dance across emerald eyes, but my mouth continues despite my inner protest. “This isn’t supposed to happen between friends. Not you and me. And I don’t think we should do it anymore.”

I wasn’t sure why I was saying the things I was. I didn’t want our interactions to stop. Far from it. I wanted more. I just didn’t think Eren would ever give it to me. Green eyes flitted over my face as if they were searching for something before he suddenly rushed forwards, capturing my lips in his own. I took a step back and he followed suit until he had me pushed against the back wall, kissing me desperately. I was taken aback and despite the growing heartache in my chest, I couldn’t help kissing back, welcoming his tongue into my mouth eagerly. I tried to catch my breath and keep up with the pace he was setting at the same time, but was having extreme difficulty. But then he pulled away, staring into my eyes with a look that made my heart skip a beat. “I _**need**_ you, Armin,” he said strongly, his grip on my shoulders loosening and tightening at various intervals. “And I know you don’t want this to stop. You need this as badly as me.”

I stared into emerald eyes, wondering if somehow he had uncovered my secret. But that was impossible — I had buried it where no one, not even myself, could find it unless they looked hard enough. I huffed, sounding almost pained, but I wasn’t sure if Eren perhaps saw it as frustration, though maybe it was. “Eren, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not? It’s not hurting anybody, is it?”

I bit my lip, breaking the contact of our eyes and slipping out of his grasp, keeping my back to him. “Why are you bringing this up now? Have you felt this way about it the whole time?”

I wanted to say I hadn’t. That I had spoken without meaning to and had ruined everything in a matter of moments. But in all honesty, that wasn’t the case. “Something like that.”

He approached me, taking my shoulder more gently than I was expecting and turning me back around. “You should’ve said something,” he said softly, but there was no bitterness in his voice. It was only worry, concern for me, at the premise that perhaps the entire time I hadn’t wanted any of what he was giving. I felt a sudden pang of guilt in my stomach, but for some reason, my mouth didn’t want to give in to self-pity. “I am now.”

His eyes shifted from me to the ground and I mentally cursed myself. Why had I allowed myself to make things like this? I had never meant for him to feel bad about it. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. It was my fault for not being able to forget about him. For not being able to lock up my feelings and move on so I didn’t get myself hurt. For thinking there was anything more outside of the secret arrangements. And now I had lost even that.

He took a step back and I took an involuntary one forwards. “Eren.”

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I said hurriedly, reaching out and taking his hand. “I was never uncomfortable.”

“Then why are you pushing me away?!” he yelled suddenly and I flinched, shrinking in on myself out of instinct. I saw a flash of something like apology in emerald eyes before he continued in a softer tone. “If there isn’t a problem with it, then let’s do it,” he said and I knew that I was contradicting myself. I didn’t know how to word what I was trying to say and was running around in circles. I looked up into emerald eyes and he hesitantly stepped closer, bringing his hands up to cup my cheeks like he had those many years ago. He looked over my face for some sign of rejection and when he got none, leaned forwards for another kiss and my lips tingled in anticipation. But then I was again hit by the fact that none of this _**mattered**_ to him and I let out a pained noise, pulling out of his grasp. “I’m sorry, Eren, I can’t.”

“Armin,” he said and though I knew he was beginning to get a bit frustrated at my vagueness, I didn’t blame him. “What’s wrong?”

It was more of a statement than a question. “I . . . .”

I bit my lip, not sure if I could tell him the real reason I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to lose the privilege of being able to feel him against me in the quiet confines of our bunks, but most of all, I didn’t want to lose the privilege of being his friend. He was everything to me and losing him completely would be the end of my world. I couldn’t risk that. “You what? If we both want this, then what’s the problem?!” he asked, raising his voice. I shook my head, unfinished sentences and nearly silent profanities falling from my lips. “Just _talk to me_ , Armin!” he yelled and suddenly I broke. “IT’S BECAUSE IT DOESN’T _MEAN_ ANYTHING TO YOU!”

I let out a gentle sob, feeling a familiar wetness settle on my lashes, but I blinked away the tears. “It’s because everytime it happens, I disappear into a world where nothing’s left except you and me, but the next day, everything’s different! Some nights you’re here, others you’re not, and I can’t deal with this feeling of being _**empty**_ anymore! I’m sick and _tired_ of wishing for things to change when I know they never will,” I cut off brokenly, trying to control my sudden trembling. Eren had fallen silent. “Armin,” he spoke up softly and I shut my eyes, feeling a single tear roll hot and pathetic down my cheek. He took my chin in his hand, turning me to face him and I opened my eyes, blinking to clear my vision. “You think this doesn’t mean anything to me?”

My heart stopped for a moment, my throat constricting and rendering me unable to respond. Eren placed another kiss to my lips, but this time, it was gentle, loving, and I melted into it despite myself, gripping his shoulder for support I didn’t need. He broke away, running a gentle, soothing thumb over my face, brushing away any stray tears. He offered a soft smile and I felt a sudden wave of admiration and love for him despite the enduring hurt from years of shoving this into the depths of my heart. “Why else did you think I kept coming back to you?”

I was at a loss for words, scanning emerald eyes hurriedly as if I would find some hint of humor, some sort of mockery or malice despite the pain it would inevitably cause because Eren wasn’t telling the truth, he couldn’t be. “I was an escape. I thought you were using me as a way to vent your emotions and let everything go,” I admitted and a quick smile graced his features before he kissed me again. “No. It means everything to me. _**You**_ mean everything to me. You’re the most important person in my life, Armin,” he said, leaning our foreheads together, a sort of prickle of disbelief and surreality trickling through my veins. “I love you.”

My heart swelled and I placed a hand over the one caressing my face. “I love you too,” I muttered and once I had, it felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I grinned despite myself and Eren leaned in to kiss me again, this time more certain, and I didn’t dare to hesitate. I kissed him back with equal fervor, tangling my fingers in chocolate hair and pulling our bodies flush together. I felt a sudden shiver of exhilaration when our hips met, the gentle friction enough to spark a familiar flame in my gut. He tentatively licked my bottom lip and I let him in with a soft moan, overwhelmed as our tongues danced, his fingers hurriedly undoing the buttons of my shirt. Our actions were ostensibly swift and careless, but it didn’t seem that way to me. Though there was undoubtedly something Eren was holding back from me, some invisible chain tying him to his troubles, the brush of our skin was somehow special. It was the gateway to an unthinkable pleasure that cleared the mind and stimulated the senses. It was still an escape of sorts, though now the years of unspoken words between us had finally fallen from our tongues, it was more than that.

Eren slipped my shirt from my shoulders and I pressed a few swift kisses to his neck, beginning to lose myself as his hands settled softly on my shoulders before our lips met again. It had sort of always been that way. Gentle touches, lingering kisses — there was always a sort of tenderness Eren showed when we did this. Though now I wondered if perhaps that had been his love for me that I had been too wrapped up in my own feelings to notice.

His hands brushed over the skin of my chest, making me gasp almost inaudibly. He gently pushed me backwards, leading me to my bunk before I fell back on the mattress, my body arching up to meet his touch. He lowered his lips to my jaw and across to my earlobe, taking it gently between his teeth, his fingers ghosting the span of my stomach. I tried to contain breathless sounds, gripping his shoulders and his back, eventually reaching the hem of his shirt and giving it a light tug.

Eren broke away only momentarily to pull the garment over his head and I took a moment of silent admiration. I let my eyes trace the angles and curves of his muscles, watching the way shadows danced across the plane of his torso. Years of rigorous training and battle had made him toned, scars marking his skin like signatures and I subconsciously reached out to run my hands over his sides. He tossed his shirt somewhere blindly and I found myself leaning forwards, as if in a daze, pulling him forwards slightly by his hips and pressing a kiss to his navel. I had already lost all control of myself, but neither of us seemed to mind. I continued to kiss and lick tenderly at his stomach, occasionally adding the glide of my teeth, loving the way his chest rose and fell quicker with every touch. Fingers gently took my chin and lifted my head up for Eren to kiss me again. I let out a groan from somewhere in my throat, feeling almost vulnerable. Like he had me in the palm of his hand, at his complete and utter mercy. And in a way, he did. He always had.

Eren pushed me back against the mattress, hovering over me as our lips collided hungrily, almost desperately. Even though we’d done this countless times before, somehow it seemed that every touch, every spark of friction, every kiss seemed more incredible than any of the others. Perhaps it was the fact that this wasn’t just another one-night stand. It wasn’t another hook-up because we needed to relieve tension. It was a sort of promise. A promise that Eren genuinely felt about me the way he said he did. And though no words were spoken between us, he still was seeming to get his message across.

Our hips moved together in a steady rhythm and I was forced to break the breathtaking kiss to let out a low moan. Eren continued to grind against me, almost with more vigour, and I threw my head back at the feeling. My gut twisted deliciously, tying into a tight ball of heat in my abdomen and I gasped his name, trying desperately to make myself last as long as possible. Though it was becoming increasingly difficult with every movement of his hips.

Then, to both my relief and dismay, he stopped his actions, his hands reaching down to undo my pants. I was too dazed and distracted with catching my breath to think of doing the same to his before he was pulling them off. I lifted my hips so he could slide them over my thighs and once they were off of my ankles, I reached for him, mimicking the previous actions. I felt myself blush because though we had seen each other like this before, something about the new atmosphere enveloping us made me a bit embarrassed. It all seemed more intimate in a way that made my heart flutter. The way he was looking at me — it was like always yet somehow different. Like there was something in his gaze I hadn’t seen before or perhaps hadn’t noticed. Maybe it had been there all along and I was just too blinded by my own self-torture to see it.

And though I hated admitting it, the nights I spent with Eren were always a sort of torture. Of course he was doing nothing wrong — everything we did was always indescribably good — but it was the thoughts that plagued me afterwards the were the real torture. Having to go day by day, wondering if things would ever change between us, whether he would ever feel the same way for me as I for him, was excruciating. I lived in constant agony, hating the way my heart would ache everytime we went from being friends to lovers and reverting back again in a matter of moments.

My stomach churned with a familiar feeling and I had to remind myself that this time was different. I wasn’t just an escape. I wasn’t some object that Eren was using to rid himself of his grief and guilt. Though perhaps I was able to do that — and I was glad to do so — that wasn’t _why_ he was here. He was here because he cared about me. He _loved me_. He had said so himself and as his fingers traced gently, tenderly, over the skin of my thighs, I felt he really was telling the truth.

By then, I had managed to get his pants off, admittedly with some assistance. But that didn’t matter anyways. I was too distracted, already high from the rapture of this moment, to care about getting help I didn’t need. He came up to kiss me again, his fingers rough yet gentle against my skin. He pulled away to press his lips to my neck, deciding to leave a few marks there before continuing. I whimpered as his tongue ran hotly against the crook of my neck before sucking lightly. I squirmed beneath him, running my hands blindly over his back. “E-Eren . . . ,” I gasped, his teeth gliding softly over my collarbone. His lips trailed over my chest and his tongue ran over pink, a soft groan slipping from my throat. Emerald eyes glanced at me through thick lashes as he repeated his actions and — _oh_ , I couldn’t take that look. I threw my head back, a shiver of bliss rushing through my veins.

The feeling didn’t last long as he left a light trail of kisses across my stomach, eventually reaching the hem of my underwear. I looked at him with heavy, lust-filled eyes, having difficulty breathing all of a sudden. He glanced at me before lightly kissing my inner thigh and I bit my lip to contain a whimper. I was always surprised at how Eren could make me so flustered without even really touching me. Though I certainly wasn’t complaining. I couldn’t help my almost inaudible whine of disappointment when he pulled away and he only smirked which made me blush in embarrassment. But then he was reaching for my boxers, slipping his fingers underneath the waistline almost teasingly before removing them at a tantalizingly slow pace. I lifted myself up, slipping them past my knees and ankles and onto the floor. I was still always a bit shy when I was left bare. I pressed my knees together subconsciously as if they would give me some sort of protection from Eren’s eyes. I saw him smile softly before he leaned forwards to kiss me again and this one was surprisingly gentle. Loving. My heart fluttered in my chest.

He managed to discard his own boxers rather quickly while we kissed and I was a bit in awe of his dexterity. Hands settled gently on my knees, slowly pushing them apart and I tried to distract myself with kissing Eren to hide my furious blush. I didn’t like that I was so insecure about myself. I wished I could be more like Eren — as he always seemed completely open and at ease around me. I never told him how much I hated my body, — part of me figured he already knew — but for some reason, when he pulled away and looked at me, I let out an awkward chuckle. “I’m sorry . . . ,” I ended up saying, turning my face to hide my embarrassed blush. “What are you apologizing for?”

I looked back into emerald eyes and what I saw there made my heart skip a beat. I swallowed, my throat strangely tight all of a sudden. So instead of speaking, I simply glanced down at myself and back to Eren to see his face soften. “Armin,” he said gently, leaning up to give me another delicate kiss. I wasn’t sure I could handle the sudden softness of his kisses or the tenderness with which he treated me. My heart was flipping over so many times, I was beginning to think something might be seriously wrong with me. He broke away and gave me a soft smile, my face flushing at the proximity despite our current and previous circumstances. “You’re beautiful.”

Reality faded away. Nothing seemed real anymore. I was so unfamiliar to this more loving side of our intimacy and now that we were here, like this, it was like it was just a dream. And though I had been dreaming of doing something like this with Eren for awhile, I never imagined it would be like this.

He pressed another kiss to my swollen lips before leaning back and looking over me again. I tried to control my breathing as he took us both in his hand, running his fingers gently over our skin. I gasped, looking between his eyes and where his hand began moving — slowly at first, then faster. I let out a rather loud moan, twisting my hips instinctively to get more of his touch, more friction. Our breathing got increasingly quick as we moved and I thought I was approaching the edge when Eren stopped and looked at me. “Armin,” he said and something about the way it rolled off his tongue made me shiver. “I want to go further,” he said and my brain suddenly short-circuited. I stared at him, my throat gone suddenly dry. I opened my mouth to try to speak but the question Eren had asked was gone and whatever response my subconscious had been ready to provide was lost along with it. “Wh-what?” I asked, fragments of his words beginning to come back into light. “I want to go all the way with you.”

My heart stuttered. “Eren, we’ve . . . we’ve never done that before.”

”I know.”

Though the nights I had spent with Eren were incredibly, mind-blowingly pleasurable, we had never gone further than this. Using our hands, mouths, or simply just grinding against each other was all we ever did. We had never taken the next step. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to, I most certainly did, but for some reason Eren never made the next move. And I had been too afraid to ask. I wondered if perhaps Eren saw it as a sort of declaration of love and that was why we hadn’t taken it that far. Maybe he wanted it to be special when he made love to me. The thought made me blush profusely. “I’m ready, Armin. I want to go all the way with you. Only with you. But if you don’t want to, I understand.”

Despite the now frantic beating of my heart, I gave a gentle smile, bringing a hand up to caress his face. “Of course I want to,” I said and I saw his lips curve upwards before he pressed them to my palm, his mouth lingering there for a moment that made my stomach somersault. He brought his fingers to my mouth and slipped them between my lips and I knew what he wanted me to do. I lightly sucked them until he pulled away and they were coated with saliva. He lowered them to my entrance before pushing one slowly inside and I gasped at the strange sensation. Eren hurriedly glanced at me, a worried glimmer in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked and I nodded, trying to catch my breath. He set a slow rhythm, pulling his finger out and pushing it back in until the pain melted into pleasure. Then it was up to two then three before he stopped, watching my face carefully. “Ready?” he asked and I nodded. “R-Ready,” I replied and once I had, he slowly pushed himself inside of me and I let out an almost strangled noise. Eren was far larger than his fingers had been and though I had been thoroughly prepared, there was still a dull ache of pain among the strange rapture. “You alright?” he asked again and I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. “Let me know if it hurts.”

“Only a little.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No. God no.”

He continued at a steady pace until he was fully inside of me and we both tried to catch our breath, adjusting to the oddness of the sensation. We just stayed like that a moment, emerald eyes boring into mine, my face flushing at the attention. Soon, the sharp echo of pain faded away and I gave him a quick nod. “You can,” I said and he slowly pulled out before coming back again. I whimpered softly, unsure of where to look yet so caught up in the friction and pleasure Eren’s now rhythmic movements were bringing to really care. His breath quickened as he continued, thrusting in and out of me with growing fervor. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hovered over me, watching me with almost analytical eyes. Given another circumstance, I might have blushed and avoided his gaze had he been looking at me the way he was. But with the way he moved inside me, the way his face twisted ever so slightly with every thrust — something about that look made the already burning heat in my abdomen grow even larger.

We set a constant pattern that repeated with increasing speed and I was sure I had never felt as incredible as I did in that moment and nothing could ever come close to being as overwhelmingly good. But then Eren angled his hips slightly upwards and I cried out in pure ecstasy. He looked at me, partially worried, partially passionate. “Are you—?”

“Again,” I interjected and he did so, ramming into the same spot that sent shock waves through me. I moaned rather loudly and Eren immediately took the hint, slamming into me repeatedly. My nerves burst deliciously with every thrust and I gently dug my nails into the skin of his shoulder, trying desperately not to draw blood. Eren tucked his face in the crook of my neck, panting heavily with the effort and letting out soft groans into my ear that made me shiver. “Oh my god, E-Eren . . . !” I moaned and I could feel the familiar creep of heat that told me I was reaching my breaking point. “Armin,” he groaned in my ear and I wrapped my legs around his middle, wishing I had done that sooner. “I l-love you,” he managed and I moaned before responding. “I love you t — ah! — too.”

A string of broken profanities fell from my lips as he somehow managed to quicken his pace and I tried to warn him. “Eren, I’m g-gonna —ah!” I cut off, throwing my head back as I came, Eren’s name ripping from my throat. He followed immediately after with a broken scream of my own before he collapsed against me, our chests rising and falling as we came down from our highs. He pulled out and turned to me, his breath gentle on my skin. I looked at him from under heavy lids, feeling exhaustion beginning to take over the euphoria. He gave me a breathless smile which I returned before he pressed another gentle kiss to my lips. I sighed softly, enjoying the sudden surge of happiness that bubbled in my stomach. After a few moments, he broke away and moved to lay beside me, throwing his arms haphazardly over my waist. I wiped a thin sheen of perspiration from my brow, turning and snuggling into his embrace. I nuzzled his neck, feeling him press a soft kiss to the top of my head and I smiled.

An atmosphere settled over us as it often did on nights like these, but this time it was different. His kisses hadn’t lingered and his touch hadn’t seemed as warm as it did now. I figured it must’ve been the added emotional aspects that made this so much more special to me. Just the simplicity of us laying entangled under the covers, feeling our heartbeats slow to a steady rhythm, our breath gentle against flushed skin, was enough to make something flutter in my chest. It was natural, just Eren and I in a world of old barricades and new opportunities. Of revelation. All questions and consternation melted away and now it was all so obvious. So simple. So easy. And suddenly it was as if it all clicked. Things hadn’t been necessarily confusing, but now that our feelings had been revealed, I realized just how much it had been. Now a missing piece seemed to be put into place that I hadn’t known to exist in the first place. And though the pain of longing for Eren more than anything else was still fresh in my mind, it was as if it had all been a bad dream. As if we had been lovers for eternity and tonight was just like any other. But that wasn’t anywhere near the truth.

Tonight was different. _Special_. It marked a new beginning — or rather the end of the denial of something that had been happening all along and the embrace of the fear that had once controlled us. The massive leap of faith that could’ve sent us spiraling blindly into darkness, but chose to show us the light. My eyelids began to sink heavily and I shut them to calm the burning itch of my corneas. I let out a gentle sigh, subconsciously moving closer to Eren and towards the comfortable heat his body was giving off in soft waves. And as I slipped into the warm embrace of sleep, I wondered if, when I woke, Eren would still be there next to me and if we’d greet the morning together — hand in hand.


	43. Writing's On the Wall

He isn’t sure what prompts him to do it. He’s gotten so good at ignoring it, he isn’t sure he’ll be able to come up with something to say. It’s ancient now, rotting somewhere in the forgotten corners of his mind like a virus, slowly spreading through his body and creeping into his heart. It’s something evil, something dark and insidious, like a disease he realizes he has moments before it kills him. He thinks it must’ve killed him months ago, years even, leaving his old self behind with the broken shards of his heart. He isn’t himself anymore — neither of them are. And deep down he knows it really isn’t Eren’s fault. 

Perhaps there is a little bit of his old self left over after all.But whatever his reasoning, whatever it is his mind is telling him to do, he’s following a familiar path to the dungeons. He treads on pieces of his heart and soul that have shattered and added to the distance between he and his best friend. The path back to how things used to be is sharp with the shards and it becomes increasingly less appealing to cross the longer it gets. He doesn’t want to get those pieces back. It makes him remember why they broke off in the first place and it only makes the fragile mess that remains of himself even more delicate.

He turns down a corridor, down a staircase or two and feels his heart start to race. He tries to quell the feeling, admonishing himself for being so naive. For being so afraid. He’d tried to give up being afraid a long time ago. Especially over something as miniscule as this.

But it isn’t a small thing. If he really thinks about it, he knows it’s much more than that. It’s everything. Or at least it is to him. But when he thought Eren didn’t feel the same about it, he figured it would be best to stop trying. To stop thinking of it as his world. There was more for him, surely there was. Surely there was more to his life than bending over backwards for his best friend, throwing himself in front of him whenever someone took a shot or a stab at him. He already had his own problems to deal with. He couldn’t deal with Eren’s for him.

And yet, here he is, standing before the bars of his cell, seeing emerald eyes looks at him in something like shock. “Armin?” he asks and for a moment, there’s a softness in his voice that takes him back years. Back to when they were cadets and things between them weren’t so impossible. But he shakes his head. That version of them is dead and gone. Has been for awhile. He should be over it.

He pulls the keys he stole from Heichou from his pocket and unlocks the cell without a word. He can’t speak to Eren, let alone look at him. His throat is dry and his pulse is throbbing frantically in his throat. He takes a steady breath and lets it out slowly, pushing open the door and shutting it behind him. It makes a soft clang as it closes and he brings a hand up to run through blond hair. “What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he moves to sit beside him on his bunk, staring intently at the stone floor. He hates how pathetic he’s being. How nervous he is. He blinks and inhales through his nose, finally lifting his head to meet Eren’s eyes with a fiery gaze. “We need to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” he asks and Armin almost lets out a scoff. 

“You know damn well what about, Eren,” he replies and he realizes just how long it’s been since he’s uttered the other boy’s name. Never before has it held so much bitterness. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Eren says with a spark of anger that he manages to keep cool. He’s never been like that. His anger has always been burning hot, like a fire that erupted from him. Uncontrollable. Spontaneous. Not cool and collected. Not like an ominous breeze before a storm. Not like the distant rumble of thunder in the distance. His anger should be lightning striking quick and powerful. Not like thunder.

“You’ve changed,” he decides to say and emerald eyes fix him with a calculative glare. Armin realizes that everything about Eren seems entirely cold to him. His usual warmth and comfort, his recklessness and bluntness — everything. It’s all gone. It’s been replaced by a more cautious version of him. A version that thinks very thoroughly about what it is he’s about to say, of the effect it will have on others. The one that has become disillusioned by his failures, that no longer acts on instinct, but rather on the strategy of others. It’s sickening.

“You’re not the Eren I used to know. You’re not Eren. Not my Eren,” he says and the boy turns away, his hair brushing his neck. Even that was unlike him. He had always told Mikasa not to let her hair get too long, that it would interfere with her abilities. And yet here he was, his hair longer than he’d ever let hers get to be. The real Eren would tell him to cut it. That he was being stupid and would get himself killed. The real Eren would tell him.

“I don’t know what you mean, Armin,” he says and Armin tries very hard not to see if he can’t slap some sense into him. 

“If you don’t know what I mean, then you’ve got to be the most oblivious, insensitive person I’ve ever known.”Their gazes meet, newborn fire meeting frozen spark. “Why did you come here, Armin?” Eren asks bitterly and he clenches his fists at his sides. “I came here because … .”

Why was he here? What was he expecting out of this conversation? Did he really think he would be able to get his best friend back? After all the pain and suffering between them, keeping them apart, did he really think he’d be strong enough to pull himself across it?

“I came here to tell you I’ve given up.”

Emerald eyes look at him and for a moment he thinks he might see that fire. That warm spark of Eren that lies trapped beneath the cold exterior he’s built around himself. “What do you mean?”

“What does it matter?” he spits, his voice rising just the slightest in volume. “You’ve had years to figure it out, why the fuck should I figure it out for you? Do it yourself for once. If you really care.”

He isn’t really sure where the words come from, but they surprise him in their truth. Eren turns a bit more towards him and Armin can’t help noticing a strand of hair that hangs just above his eye, too short to be pulled back with the rest of his hair. If this had been years before, he would’ve brushed it away and let his touch linger against Eren’s face. Maybe run his thumb against his cheek, lean closer, and …

He shoves the thought back into the darkness that’s suppressed it for years before it can fully form in his mind. “I do care,” he says and Armin gives him a glare. 

“Really?” he spits like poison, his fists trembling at his sides. “Then who the fuck are you?”

“What?”

“Who the fuck are you? What did you do with Eren?”

“Armin, I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s always been me.”

“No it isn’t. Eren isn’t like this.”

“What the fuck would you know? You don’t know who I am and you have no right to tell me. It’s not that big of a deal anyways. There’s plenty more you should be worrying about. Fucking grow up, Armin.”

His fist collides with Eren’s jaw and the boy seems shocked at the impact. But Armin doesn’t give him much time to think, swinging his fist at his face and knocking him down against the mattress. He sends punch after punch to Eren’s face, but the boy manages to grab his arms and even now he’s stronger than Armin will ever be. He struggles in his grip, panting and gritting his teeth. “You’re the one who needs to grow up, not me! Look around, Eren! How could you not have noticed that everyone around you doesn’t give a **_fuck_** anymore?! Everything’s falling apart, Eren! And you didn’t even fucking _**notice**_! You don’t fucking _**care**_!”

“Armin!” he says a bit loudly, trying to hold him still, but he’ll have none of it. “I _**do**_ care!”

“NO YOU FUCKING _**DON’T**_!” he nearly screams and Eren goes silent. He lets out a sob despite himself and his body goes slack, weak and pathetic in Eren’s grip. “If you _**did**_ care, you’d fucking talk to me.”

He feels tears form in his eyes and fall from his lashes, rolling down his cheeks and into the fabric of Eren’s shirt. “You’d fucking notice how much I need you.”

He looks up to meet Eren’s gaze and he sees the past. The fear of the future and heartbreak of the present disappear until he can see Eren truly. The real him.

Eren leans up to capture his lips and for a moment he kisses back eagerly because he’d be lying to himself if he said he hasn’t wanted this since the beginning. But after a few moments of bliss he wrenches himself out of Eren’s grip, fresh tears hot against his skin. “No!” he yells despite himself. “You don’t get to do that to me! Not now! Not after everything we’ve gone through! You don’t get to mock me like that!”

“Armin, I’m not mocking you,” he says, gently reaching out to touch the boy’s shoulder. His voice is warm and gentle and Armin blinks because it’s Eren. It’s _Eren_. “I _**do**_ care, Armin. I just … ,” he lets out a heavy sigh and Armin realizes how stupid he’s been. He can hear the weight of Eren’s breath, see the tension in his shoulders, and he should’ve realized it wasn’t all about him. Eren was going through things just like he was, some of them purely inconceivable. He had so much weighing him down, so much pressure and so many expectations. He probably felt so depended on. And Armin can’t even _imagine_ how stressful that would be. How many doubts must be flashing through his head. He wants to slap himself for being so ignorant.

“Eren,” he breathes, leaning forwards and kissing his lips again. Eren melts into the kiss, his fingers coming up to tangle in Armin’s hair, their lips meeting again and again. Softly. Tenderly. He pulls away and stares into emerald eyes, feeling tears on his lashes waiting to fall. His lip quivers and he throws his arms around Eren’s neck, holding tightly. He returns the embrace and his fingers dig into the fabric of Armin’s shirt. “I’m sorry, Eren,” he says shakily. “I should’ve known — I … ,”

“It’s okay, Armin,” he says against the blond’s ear. “I should’ve known too.”


End file.
